Day Twenty Seven

Employee Depreciation Day

I had seen flyers about "Employee Appreciation Day" for a week now. There were going to be drawings, contests and food all day long. I was pretty stoked. I got to work at 4pm, only to find that all of the contests were over. Apparently Crazy Red-Head Vegan won a $25 gift card to Macaroni Grill. I went to the back room where I was told all of the food was located. All that was left was meat and cake. As a vegan, I was pretty bummed to see this. I didn't make my lunch because I thought I would somehow get fed. I grabbed a bottle of water and went up front to start my shift.


I can't believe how mad this made me. I couldn't be joyful in front of my customers, I couldn't even fake it. The flyers should have had a byline:

"Employee Appreciation Day: Unless you show up at 4pm and don't eat meat, hippie."

In a nutshell, the management was saying, "We appreciate the asshole who steals lunches from the break room more than we appreciate you, Miranda." The one girl who has celiac disease was covered because she made noise about it. Apparently she was the mad person last year. They provided her with gluten free hamburger buns.

I was the mad one this year. In addition to the appreciation day faux pas, every little irksome thing would disappoint me. Head cashiers would forget to put me on break and after many failed  attempts to give them the "stink eye" I would just let myself on breaks. My customers and CRV tried to cheer me up but it was useless. CRV would have been as mad as I was if she didn't win that gift card.

It didn't make sense that I would be so angry. After all, my family's gatherings are a parade of cows and chickens and I never get mad at my relatives for being insensitive to my diet. I tried to figure out if something else was going wrong in my life or if I just need a break. Whatever it was, I was unhappy. I could do no better than be slightly melancholy but cordial toward the people who came in my line.

Victim #1

Yes, victims. I felt like all of my customers were victims of my sad service. I'm sure whatever these people did would have been blown off or otherwise gone unnoticed.

Along came a woman who stepped into my line. Just as I was about to grab her first item, another customer walked up to ask me a question. Since I paused to help the inquiring shopper, my current customer picked up her things and moved over to the next line, where she waited behind one customer. This little incident had me fuming like this guy:

Seriously? She couldn't wait 30 seconds?! In the time it took this woman to get through her new line, three customers flew through my line. With every single one of them I made sure to address how busy it is in the store and how great they were for being so chill about it. I said, "THANK YOU FOR BEING PATIENT," blatantly louder and louder with each new person. I was so obnoxious. I'm not proud of it.

Victim #2

A man walked up with a few items that my bagger placed in his reusable bag once I scanned them.


MAN: Dang, do you hate chicken or somethin'?

I stopped. I just realized was tossing all of his food items to the end of my counter. I looked to the right, over at his chicken, it was such a sad sight. It laid there, face down, more beaten and lifeless than it already was. I just then recalled the loud SLAP the chicken had just made against the surface.

ME: Oh my god, I am so sorry.
MAN: I was about to say...
ME: I can get you another chicken. I'm so sorry.
MAN: Bad day?

I admitted that I was in a mood. I apologized a million more times and he was forgiving. We eventually were laughing about it. He got me to laugh at myself a little. I appreciated that.

Sweetheart

I was jotting down notes on how much I hated my day as my next customer walked up. I kept writing as she put groceries up on the belt. I saw a divider go up and out of the corner of my eye, I saw this woman's little daughter put some candy in the front of the belt.


DAUGHTER: I'm sorry I didn't bring my money.

I stopped writing. I looked up. This little girl had as much remorse on her face as she had in her voice.

MOTHER: It's alright sweetheart, you can pay next time.
ME: Does she usually pay for her sweets?
MOTHER: She likes to earn money and spend what she earns.

I felt my spirits lifting. What an angel. As the receipt printed, I gave a lollipop to the girl, who was chewing on the sweets her mom bought for her.

MOTHER: Aw, isn't that nice? What do you say, sweetheart?
[she didn't respond, because she was chewing]
ME: It's okay, she's chewing and doesn't want to talk with her mouth full.
DAUGHTER: [finally done chewing] Thank you. [she smiled, then popped another piece of candy in her mouth]
ME: You know what? I think you are the best human being I have met all day.
DAUGHTER: [chewed for a while (again), then after she swallowed her candy she laughed and spoke] Thank you.

I laughed, so thankful for this little person.

Physicist

It was enough of a blessing seeing Sweetheart, but along came another gem. This young boy was begging his mom for a National Geographic magazine.

MOM: Fine, you can have it but it is coming out of your allowance.
BOY: Yesssssssssssss.

If this was any ordinary kid begging for candy, I might have been annoyed but I found this adorable.

ME: Are you really interested in science?
BOY: Uh huh!
MOM: He LOVES science.
ME: What is your favorite science? [the boy had his head dug into the magazine already and he wasn't paying full attention]
MOTHER: He LOVES physics.
ME: Physics, huh? [the boy nodded enthusiastically] What do you want to be when you grow up?
BOY: A physicist! [I should have known he would say that]
ME: Ha! What kind?

He shrugged his shoulders and kept reading. He had not made it that far, nor does he have to. I loved that he was so into learning. He was cheesing from the very moment his mom let him have that magazine. That kind of happiness is contagious, I couldn't help but smile.

Perspective

I had a slew of customers that put my mind right, starting with those kids and ending with this next woman. She, an amputee, rolled up in a wheelchair, got out of it, placed all of her groceries on the belt and greeted me with the biggest smile I had seen all day. I checked out her groceries, we laughed about the unreal power of the bulk section's dark chocolate and then she hopped up to the card reader to pay. She got around quick and was very friendly. I began to offer her help outside but before I could finish my sentence she had already grabbed her food and was waving me goodbye. The whole thing happened so fast I had to think about it for a while after she left.

I wondered what happened to her, how did she lose her leg? She was so happy and kind, she must have an amazing support system. Did she escape death or was this a card she was dealt at a young age? There she went, like a bolt, off to do the next thing and here I was, bitching about employee appreciation day with both of my legs. I became instantly embarrassed about the way I had acted all day.

Sweet Nate

If I were to have a motorcycle gang of hit men ala The Lincoln Lawyer, I would imagine they would be grown up versions of our grocery baggers. I should say my grocery baggers. These young guys go to bat for me every time. Even if another person's line is busier, they sometimes stick around mine and I appreciate it. Maybe that's because not many of the other cashiers talk to them. They are usually 16 or 17 years old where the rest of us are in our 20s, 30s and up. I always make sure to greet them and thank them for helping. It is a total luxury to have someone helping pack groceries, it makes everything go much faster and it also gives me more people to talk to. The grocery baggers make fun of me for not processing the fact that they are there to help sometimes. I'll sit there and chat with them while I pack my customer's things by myself.

Sweet Nate has made a point to announce that he is there to assist. He'll walk up and say, "Hello, Miranda. My name is Nate and I am here to assist you." This actually helps me to stop doing things by myself. Nate is always kind to the customers and his coworkers. He seems like the kind of guy that really respects his mother. You can always tell when a guy loves his mom. Another thing I adore about Sweet Nate is that he is constantly revealing his age. For example:

CRV: [Strangers in the Night plays overhead] Shoo-beeeee-doo-bee-dooooo....
NATE: Where are you!
ME: Um, Nate? That isn't the Scooby-Doo theme song.
NATE: Really?


...and laughter.

Day Twenty Six

Today I was given a pin to commemorate the 10th anniversary of our store. The company's #2 man from corporate was supposed to be in to check on things so everyone was actually obeying the rules for once and the whole place was spotless. The whole thing gave me a renewed sense of purpose since I normally dread working the day before I have a two day break. My day always goes slowly before I have days off.

Code "Chili Pepper"

Cashiers page two different codes, code 1 and code 5. Both involve the head cashier or supervisor's scan key to continue the purchase. I was checking out a customer when Sally Spec came over.


SALLY: Dude, code "chili pepper" on register 5.
ME: Huh? [I looked behind me, to register 5, and saw a really buff customer buying groceries] Oh...

I didn't think he was that hot, but the great thing was, Sally discovered an excellent new way to communicate that I should check out a good looking guy nearby. This didn't last too long, as Sally got more and more obvious about it as we carried on. Sally was two lines down from me on register 8, when she turned around to see Elvira's customer, a young Dylan McDermott look alike. She very conspicuously nodded her head in his direction and said, "Miranda, Code 'chili pepper' on register 7." Why didn't she just say, "Hey Miranda, look at this hot guy right here!" Anyway, I looked and said, "Affirmative." He had to have seen this and understood what was being said because he turned around to smile at me.

Embarrassing. If I didn't have brown skin I would have been blushing. I moved to abolish this code immediately. Even if we were to use something less obvious, like "code 6," Sally would probably make our communication transparent by repeatedly pointing in the direction of the guy she is talking about.

Binary

I saw this shirt and didn't get it.

I asked the kid wearing it what it meant and he began to explain binary code to me. "10 in binary actually means 2." I laughed. How geeky! Sally, who was bagging my groceries, still didn't get it so the kid continued to explain. It wasn't what this kid was saying, but the enthusiasm for the subject that made me find him adorable. This kid looked like he goes to math club meetings after school and tutors his crush, who is probably the prettiest girl in school, who only has eyes for the quarterback. His braces and non-hipster, unintentional nerd glasses were the icing on the cake. He told me he wants to be a programmer and I am pretty sure he'll succeed. I hope he will always be excited about and love what he does for a living. That, to me, is a real dream. I do also hope he gets the girl.

No Cheese With This Whine

A woman and her daughter came through my line with an enormous amount of food in their cart. Every time I rang in something that cost over two dollars, the woman would grunt or say something like, "Ya'll are about to take off my right arm," or, "Can you believe the price of those cherries?" I never responded, but if I did respond I would say, "Would you please shut the hell up?" Every once in a while she would break away from complaining to me to turn, place one had on her hip (wherever that was) and complain to her daughter.

MOTHER: Those organic bananas cost $2.17!
DAUGHTER: I need potassium! It is also good for energy.
[more items were scanned]
MOTHER: That WHEY PROTEIN costs $19.99!
DAUGHTER: It has 30 grams of protein per serving! I need protein!
MOTHER: THAT ORGANIC CANTALOUPE COSTS $2.49!!

Oh my god SHUT UP! Shut up shut up shut up!!!!

The whole purchase ended up being over $250. It wasn't the daughter's fault, either. The mother said something about trying to eat healthy. Good for them, eat healthy but stop whining about it!

Observation

Parents with sick children at home are not down for conversation. Especially if they are working parents. One lady came through my line and when I asked how she is doing she didn't have much to say after she told me she had a sick child at home. I could see that her mind was racing, that she was stressed out. She didn't respond to anything I said after that. I tried to get her out faster, she must have had a million things to do. I have only ever had a sick dog and that makes me lose my marbles. I can only imagine how bad it is to have a sick child. Just an observation.

Update: O.C.Daisy

Daisy was being horrible as usual and was once again a topic of conversation between me and Sally. Crazy Redhead Vegan joined us and let us in on some background information. Apparently, Daisy was supposed to be a head cashier but somehow she didn't end up being one. It fell through due to a glitch in her paperwork. I get it now. Daisy is bitter. She could be earning more money, but can't get promoted for some reason. I imagine anyone else who comes in, that does a good job, is an instant enemy in her eyes. Anyone who doesn't listen to her makes her look bad, since she is trying to prove to others that she is worthy of a supervisor position. This doesn't really explain why she talks shit about people all of the time, but it is a little bit of insight. No wonder she calls everyone "darling," she is trying to be personable. Personable, but SO fake.

Giggles

Relief. I finally found my best audience. This kid laughed at everything. EVERYTHING! Anything I said or did made this kid laugh. Peek-a-boo? Laughing. Ringing up his toy dog on the scanner and making "boop" sounds? Laughing. Telling the kid the dog isn't for sale. Laughter. Putting the dog in a bag. So much laughter. The kid started to climb the side of the belt to be rung in as well. The mom took him off and said, "You're not for sale either." The most laughter of all. He only stopped to catch his breath and he held his tummy as he let out whatever giggles he had left. Normally, one would have to be high to laugh that much. Whatever this kid has, it needs to be bottled, replicated and sold. It was nice to see that much joy in one little person.