Day Thirty Six

First Written Warning

Upon arrival I was notified that I had received my first warning. I had to sign and confirm that I had received this warning because my till was $10 over the previous day. This means someone did not get their change back. I felt bad about that. My first verbal warning was a money issue as well. Money issues. I am yet to be warned or reprimanded officially for being late...more than 30 times.

Observation

Whenever big grocery stores have giant sales, Hawaiian decor is always involved. Every time. The employees wear flowered leis and palm trees go up everywhere. Who started this trend anyway? Do sales whisk us away to a wonderful place where we have not a care in the world? No. Does anyone ever end up saving enough for a Hawaiian vacation? No. Yet, the bright colors and fake ocean sounds somehow make us all of a sudden covet this lower priced thing we don't need. Only in America. Just an observation.

Mad Kathy and Buffalo Lady

Buffalo Lady came into the my checkout line. The store wasn't very busy so I was happy to give her all of the attention in the world. The cashier next to me, a cool older lady named Kathy, joined in the conversation as well. Buffalo Lady spoke exuberantly, again seamlessly weaving through unrelated topics like depression drugs (she takes Cymbalta), people who love to climb like this guy named Chad (that she knows), social mixers at brain injury conferences, roller coasters and cat sitters. I am sure I am leaving something out. All we did was smile and nod, egging her on to keep talking. Eventually more customers came along so that brought Buffalo Lady's senseless monologue to an end. We said our goodbyes and Buffalo Lady skipped along happy as a clam. Kathy then turned to me.

KATHY: She reminds me of when I used to take acid. [she smiled]
MIRANDA: [I laughed] Acid?
KATHY: No, I'm kidding. I never took acid.  I took amphetamines. [she walked away to help a customer]

Stingwich: Day Three

The same two suspects from yesterday came to work today. Tomorrow we all get paid, so maybe they are out of money and a little hungry. I worked early and decided to leave the sandwich in the fridge. Maybeit would disappear by the next day. I'm crossed my fingers.


Update: Jacob

Jacob walked up to me when things weren't busy. He sang me this song:

He told me this is our song now. I think I'm officially Jacob's work hag. I love about gay boys. If you're looking for someone to dance and sing with they are always down. They are just happy and a joy to be around. You can't say that about everybody. Jacob worked at the register across from me today, which put me in a good mood until this one customer came into his line. She was fine until Jake asked her how she was doing that day.

WOMAN: I am just great! Are you going to Chick Fil-A today? That's where I'm going!

Jacob went silent. Today was "Chick Fil-A Appreciation Day." Loads of people would file into Chick Fil-A today to support a company that was openly against same sex marriage. I looked at Jacob's face. He was hurt. He didn't say a word to her until he handed her a receipt.

JACOB: Have a nice day.

Jacob frowned at me then looked down. I was enraged. A grocery store is not a place for politics. It is a place where people of all beliefs, backgrounds and orientations should be able to walk into to fulfill a basic need in life: to feed oneself. It just so happens to be a very HUGE thing we all have in common. Grocery stores, in my mind, celebrate what we have in common. Jacob was kind to that woman even though I bet he didn't want to be. I wanted to grab that woman by the hair and lead her out of the store before I kicked her out on her ass as I would scream, "Keep your Fox News bullshit at home, heifer!"

Alas, I did no such thing. I looked at Jacob.

ME: You okay?
JACOB: No.
ME: Did she say she is going to Chick Fil-A?
JACOB: Yeah.
ME: Then she'll die soon. You can marry who you want after that. It wont be long.

He smiled. That was all I needed to see.

Update: Heartless Lucy

I found Lucy writing a letter. She told me it was her two week notice. I have never heard of anyone handwriting a two week notice. Apparently the manager said that handwritten letters are okay. Lucy told me she hated this job and couldn't wait to get the hell out of there. I usually can't stant hearing Lucy talk, but I asked her why she hated her cashier job so much. She said it didn't pay much and she was always tired. She was moving north to Denton, TX so she could be closer to school and the drive would be too much. I then asked her about her dog she was giving up. She found it a home, thank goodness. Hopefully the new owner would take much better care of this puppy than she did. That was the only reason I chatted up with Lucy, to make sure the dog was okay. I couldn't care less about her complaints and I can't say I'm sad that she is leaving.

Old Lady #11

I was hungry and kind of tired by the time this old lady came into my line. As I packed her groceries her bottle of wine slipped out of my hand and fell into the bag, slamming against the counter. The boom caused me to shout at the old lady.

ME: OH MY GOD!
OLD LADY: [covering her ears] Oh!
ME: I am so so so sorry! I didn't mean to yell. That just startled me and woke me up!
OLD LADY: Oh I understand! I wish I had something to wake me up like that on my last hand of bridge!

I stopped bagging to laugh. Who else would say something like that but an old lady?

Grumpy Gill

Grumpy Gill was the one who hired me to be a cashier. He was very personable when I met him. He seemed like he loved his job, like he loved being a manager and that he really believed in the company. I like working for people like that. Somehow I felt that the only person I was truly letting down was Gill. I felt like every tardy made him more and more disappointed in me. No matter how many times I would smile at him and say hello, he never genuinely smiled back. I knew that he knew I could do better. I did like this job and I would show up on time if they weren't so lenient.

Today was different though. Grumpy Gill walked up to my line to help bag groceries. He smiled at me and said hello! He asked me how I was doing and I told him I was great! He said, "Great!" This was so huge. Gill had not smiled at me in a month. I had no idea what made him so happy at that moment, but I was glad he had some joy. He is usually so super serious. I decided from then on that I would make more honest attempts to try to care to be on time. Gill's smiles are rare but so wonderful to see. The effort to be more punctual would be worth another one of those smiles.

Day Thirty

Old Lady # 8

A sweet old lady walked into my check out lane with her husband. As the husband unloaded groceries the old lady asked me how my morning was going. I replied, "So far, so good." I told her how had woken up early, walked the dogs, harvested some tomatoes, ate a good breakfast, did some chores and did a little bit of singing before coming to work.

OLD LADY: [in a gritty voice] Singing?! I used to love singing. I loved it. What voice are you?
ME: Believe it or not, [I said in my low voice] I am a soprano.
OLD LADY: Really! I was an alto. I was in my school's glee club and I would sing everywhere I go. Everywhere. It would drive him nuts. [pointing at husband]
ME: Do you still sing anywhere?
OLD LADY: I sang for a little bit in church, but it didn't last too long. I ruined my voice. I had to quit from smoking too much. [she then gave me a stern look] Do you smoke?
ME: No.
OLD LADY: [pointing her finger at my face] Good. Don't do it. Don't even start. You'll ruin your voice.

I felt bad for the old lady. When she talked about how she used to sing, it was with the bittersweet affection one would have when speaking of a lost love. Her voice, filled with regret, sounded like sandpaper being rubber against wood. I do have a couple of singer friends who smoke that are currently doing alright, so I wondered if this old lady just smoked several packs a day. Maybe to the point of almost eating the cigarettes? I heeded her warning, but I am also allergic to cigarette smoke so knew this would not be a problem for me. The couple paid for their groceries but before she left I had to ask this lady one last question.

ME: What was your favorite song to sing? [I handed her the receipt]
OLD LADY: [she smiled from the fond memory of her response] The Hallelujah Chorus. [taking the receipt and squeezing my hand] Have a wonderful day.

Buffalo Lady

It was busy for a moment in the store so my line was backed up. While checking out a customer, I heard a lady down my line talking to a girl  in front of her. The string of enthusiastically told, unrelated conversational topics was unmistakable. I looked up to see Buffalo Lady, smiling as usual. I kept an eye on the teenage girl in front of her, praying that she would be kind and thankfully she was. Eventually it was Buffalo Lady's turn to check out. I was totally ready for this.

BUFFALO LADY: Hellllllllo!!! You know, I once met a lady who the most beautiful long black hair. I asked her where she came from and she said that she came from [she paused for suspense, then with eyes wide open]...BANGLADESH!
ME: Ooh! Isn't that something?
BUFFALO LADY: Let me tell YOU something. My cat loves to eat my dinner food. I don't know why I buy her food at all! [slamming counter for emphasis]
ME: My dad used to feed my cat rice with a little bit of beef curry when I was a kid.
BUFFALO LADY: Did you know that chili peppers are hotter when they are smaller? I bought the wrong size and I was crying when I ate it! I'm telling ya, freezers are only cold when the door stays closed!
ME: Ice is always cold. Go for the ice.

I handed her a receipt and she waved goodbye before leaving. I wish I could have let her keep talking. Maybe next time when it is less busy I will let Buffalo Lady cut loose.

Old Man #7

Another old couple walked into my line. Once it was time to pay, the old man, who looked like Carl Reiner,  frowned at the credit card reader.

ME: Hit the green button if you want to pay with credit.
OLD MAN: I can't read it. I can't see anything on this darn thing! [He lightly backhanded the reader]
OLD LADY: Take off your sunglasses, dear.

Roz

Roz isn't a far cry from the Monster, Inc. character of the same name.

Roz is our bookkeeper. She stays in a locked office counting money all day long and wears a sweatshirt with the company logo on it. She smells funny and seems grouchy all of the time. Not necessarily mean, but grouchy. I used to call Roz every morning to find out when my shift started. I usually check the schedule for the next day whenever I countdown my till at the end of a shift but sometimes I forget to look. When that happens, I wake up at 7am and give Roz a call. At first, I thought she was cool with this. After once calling three days in a row for my schedule, Roz finally griped at me.


ROZ: Miranda! You need to copy down your stinkin' schedule! I don't have time for this.

Okay, damn...I made sure to never call Roz ever again after that. I copied my schedule or took pictures of it with my phone. Today, Roz stepped out of her office and looked at me.

ROZ: Miranda? You didn't call today. How did you find out when your shift started? [she smiled]

First of all, I wasn't aware that Roz could smile. Second, was Roz being funny?

MIRANDA: I took a wild guess?
ROZ: [she turned to Cake Eyes] Miranda didn't call today.
MIRANDA: I'm sorry, I will make sure I call you every morning from now on.
ROZ: [smile now gone] You better not.

Funny Roz went back into her office. Perhaps she is more than an old grouch. Maybe she has an interesting story to tell.

Stingwich Reconn. #2

I still had plans to take down the sandwich thief. I learned that the sandwich thief not only stole sandwiches but other food items as well. Everything except vegetables was at risk for being robbed from the break room fridge. I also had recently gathered information on a couple of suspects. One of them was one of the guys who worked in the bulk section. I had caught him a couple times reaching into the bulk bins to grab a quick snack, an activity that can only be best described as "grazing". Bulk Boy came into my line to purchase, of all things, a sandwich. I read the label: roast beef. So sandwich thief may have bought his sandwich today. Has he turned a new leaf? Has he reformed or do I have the wrong guy? There IS also Jay from the meat department. He never buys anything and never brings in a lunch. Jay also looks like he doesn't give a shit about some random person going hungry due to a stolen lunch. Just a hunch.

Update: Cute Guy, Maybe (Not Really)

It had been weeks since I had seen Cute Guy so I asked Patti what the deal was. Apparently CG got called into the office for being late everyday. It wasn't just that, he always had a bad attitude and took really long breaks. Our general manager just tried to address this to him, not necessarily fire him for it. This is darn near the most difficult place to be fired from your job. CG didn't feel like being reprimanded, I suppose, because he decided to quit.

It is possible that CG is just a brat but I don't think that is what it is. I thought about how his mom died recently. He was living here in Texas because his mom lived here. His dad, the president of our company, lives on the West Coast. He has no reason or means to stay in Texas unless he is getting an allowance from his rich dad. I hope he is okay, wherever he is.

Restraint

A woman was unloading groceries on the belt and when she wasn't looking, her son picked up a carton of eggs out of the grocery cart.

WOMAN: [to her son] Put that back, NOW. You drop those eggs and I will MURDER you. Do you hear me? [the boy didn't put down the eggs, so she walked over and slapped her son on the arm, taking the eggs out of his hands]

I was so disgusted. Her son was mentally retarded. How could this woman be so acidic and say such a horrible, unloving thing? I didn't know what to say. Eventually that carton of eggs was in my hands. I wanted to hurl the eggs at this woman's face, but they made it into a plastic bag instead.

I gave her no eye contact for the rest of the transaction. Instead, I tried to smile at her son but he never looked at me, his eyes remained pointed to the floor. My heart sank. I wondered if his mom was always like this. Was this how she was raised? Did her mom or dad use death threats in lieu of simple commands? Was she mad that she was dealt this card? She was clearly not capable of learning the right things from having such a wonderful kid. I bet it is difficult, but there is no excuse for talking to a kid like that.

I didn't hand her the receipt, I just put it down somewhat within her reach. I didn't say goodbye or wish her a nice day. I just silently wished that she would become a better human being.

Day One

I have been a grocery cashier for four different companies in my life until now. All of them were jobs I took up during the summer to make extra money while I am not in school. The best job of all of these was when I worked for a co-op grocer in Indiana five years ago. Here, I met every kind of person you could possibly meet, the rich, the poor and people of every combination of race and religion (atheists and agnostics as well). This range of clientele was nothing you would see at a commercial grocer. It was my job to greet everyone with a smile, to help people pack and pay for their groceries and to be kind. Aside from the regulars I expected everyday (one of my favorites was a transvestite named Rachel, a local restaurant owner, who purchased coffee and a bagel every morning, 8am, on the dot), I never knew who I was going to meet or who would effect me in a positive or negative way. One of my favorite things to do would be to make whoever walked in with a frown, leave with a smile or a laugh. My coworkers were some of the best and most interesting people I have ever met and I will never forget them. I do not exaggerate when I say that I grew the most as a human being during my time working at the co-op.

As writing has become more and more of a favorite hobby for me  in recent years I kick myself in the butt for not having written down an account of my brief tenure at the co-op. Now that I have recently taken up a summer job working for a health food store (to get away from dissertation writing), I will be sure to write down notes on the most interesting people I meet each day. This is a dream for character development writing, as I do not have to make anything up and it all falls in my lap...or I guess it goes through my line. So here it goes, day one of the best and worst of everyone I meet at or near my register.

Buffalo Lady

A sweet looking woman in her 50s walked up to the register next to mine and said something like this:

" Hiiiiiiiii!!!!! Ohhhhhhh my goodness I love you guys so much! Do you know what they're selling at Kroger now? White Buffalo! And when the white buffalo died the Indians cried. I am pretty sure stress and saccharine gave my sister cancer, but she's okay now. The tomatoes in my garden are growing pretty big..."

I wish I could remember everything she said. She moved seamlessly from one unrelated topic to the next, somehow. After she left, my coworker looked at me with utter bewilderment. I smiled. Most entertaining customer so far. Talk about setting the bar high!

Copycat


I met Copycat on my first day of work. My boss told me to bag groceries for the cashiers and get to know them all. "Copycat" was the first one I met, at register 2. She was a very quiet and introverted girl and she answered any question I asked her with few words and a forced smile. I tried to get her to converse with me while we worked. She would hardly respond, so I chose to speak with her customers instead. The next customer walked up and I greeted her asking, "How are you doing today?" After the customer replied, Copycat asked, "How are you doing today?" Not only was this the most words I ever heard her say all at once, but she also repeated what I just said. This went on for ten minutes. I would ask a question to the customer and she would ask the same. When I laughed, she laughed. Improvement is improvement, I guessed. I moved to the next register over to meet another cashier.

Today, her shift ended while I was still working. She walked all of the way over to where I was standing, at register 8. She waved saying, "Bye Miranda," and she walked out of the store. She said goodbye to no one else. For a second I got a "Cable Guy" vibe, but I also wondered if she was just thankful to be out of her shell a little bit or maybe she just liked me as a person. Awkward as she may be, she seems like a nice girl.

Tangly Q

A woman walked through my line and I immediately noticed the awesome spiral curls on the toddler sitting in her grocery cart.

ME: [to the toddler] I love your hair! Wanna trade hair?  You can have mine, I'll have yours.
TODDLER: [laughs and shakes head]
MOM: Ugh you couldn't run a comb through it if you tried. She's gonna grow up an those locks are going to dread up, that will probably be best.It's like my hair, you can't run a comb through it.

I looked at this woman's hair. She had it slicked down with gel.  She cut bangs which were also slicked down hard with gel as straight as she could get them. People with curly hair like that (who know how to take care of it) NEVER run a comb or brush through it unless they are trying to tease it. The solution is to detangle curly hair with conditioner during bath or shower. I tried to offer a solution, but this woman cut me off mid sentence 5 times, talking about what a pain and mess her daughter's (awesome) hair is, over and over. Jesus. I felt so bad for that toddler.

Baby Mama

This crazy vegan red headed girl sings every song that is played on the radio station overhead, everyday. She is very nice and has been the most patient and encouraging one of all the new people I have met so far. I had to watch a Texas Alcohol Beverage Commission DVD in the break room for 2 hours then take several tests over what I learned from the main host, who looked like the love child of Joe Pesci and Andy Richter. Employees would come in and out of the room on their breaks and talk through the DVD. At one point, the crazy vegan girl was seated in the room with a girl from the vitamin department and a guy from the grocery department.

CRAZY VEGAN: [to grocery guy] How's your baby mama?
VITAMIN GIRL: You have a child?
GROCERY GUY: [hesitates, then says] Yeah.
CRAZY VEGAN: I was pregnant once.
VITAMIN GIRL: Really? How long?
CRAZY VEGAN: Six months.
VITAMIN GIRL: Oh, I'm so sorry.

It didn't seem like the guy wanted anyone else to know about that. To make up for her lack of discretion the vegan girl reveals personal information of her own.  Is this how younger people talk now? Is everyone open about their baby mamas and miscarriages or abortions? It wasn't the content of the conversation that bothered me as much as the lack of privacy of information. I don't really trust crazy vegan girl, but I'm at least glad she is nice and pleasant to be around when we are working.

Making Things Interesting...

I learned how to page the head cashier from the overhead speakers in the store. Everyone usually speaks rapidly and repeats whatever they say once. I chose from then on to speak as slowly as I could get away with. When I said, "Code 1, register 5," I sounded like Ben Stein on the Clear Eyes commercials. Some of the dudes restocking shelves asked one of the girls up front who was talking so slow when paging. She pointed me out and said, "New girl." Some of them thought I was weird but one guy appreciated it. It's a good thing I don't give a shit.

 Pedandtic Joe

Another cashier I met, who looks and talks like Michael Cera, would make a point of telling me every PLU code I couldn't come up with in two seconds. It drove me insane. He is young, 18 years old and he prides himself on knowing more codes than everyone else. The young ones do that. Call it insecure or over-competitive...or both. I figured he was just trying to be helpful, so I kindly assured him if he kept feeding me the PLUs that I would never learn them. From then on he chilled out. He is a nice kid.

Elvira

Elvira always wears a frown. When I tried to help her bag groceries on my first day, she wouldn't hand me any groceries. She packed them all herself, even if there was a boatload to handle. I wondered if she instantly didn't like me or if she preferred to work alone. I moved to help another cashier.


Today she was helping a girl bag groceries on the register behind me. I thought I could see through the corner of my eye that she was watching my screen for several minutes. I was ringing in a nice man's groceries when I caught myself entering the wrong PLU. As I began to enter the right one, Elvira shouts out the correct code from the grassy knoll. This was my second day. All anyone has said about me up to this point (to my face anyway), is how impressive my training was and how fast I learned codes (it didn't take much, this is the fourth time I'm learning them). Elvira had not said shit to me since I got here, not even returning a "hello." She carries with her a sphere of negativity that I refuse to absorb. All bitching aside, I know there is a good woman in there with a story to tell.


So...

I learned that this is NOT the co-op I used to work for. Still, I had met a lot of nice and interesting people. I noticed a lot of kids wore Hawaiian shirts and had their hair in mohawks. The elderly people I met were my favorite. I always asked to check their IDs when they bought wine. Some of them thought I was serious. The people I met made me forget that my feet hurt. I guess that is the power of human interaction.