Update: O.C.Daisy
I had a 12PM-8PM shift. It's an interesting shift to work because you are with all of the people who worked the early morning shifts. They are exhausted and they are counting the hours until they leave. The rest of your shift involves the exit of the tired morning people and the entrance of the well rested people who have afternoon shifts.
Today's A.M. crew included Mad Kathy, Cake Eyes, Klepto Sue and Elvira. Cake Eyes was the first person to go home. She went home with her usual giant bottles of chardonnay. Klepto Sue came to help bag groceries at the end of my register whenever it was slow. She is always good for conversation. Mad Kathy was tired and didn't talk a whole ton. I ignored Elvira, as I planned to for the rest of my time at the store. Being nice to her, like being nice to O.C.Daisy, was a waste of energy.
O.C.Daisy was the head cashier taking over for Banshee. Apparently Banshee had been gone for a few days and head cashiers have been taking over for her. She did look more pale than usual the last time I saw her. I hoped she was okay. O.C.Daisy walked up to the end of my register to help bag groceries.
DAISY: How are you doing?
I didn't respond. I was done hoping that Daisy would reveal a nicer version of herself. Mad Kathy asked me how I was doing. I told her I found out that my battery had died. Daisy was listening to our conversation.
DAISY: Awwww!
ME: [verbally snapped] Don't act like you're concerned.
DAISY: What?
I hated myself for being mean. I have nothing to gain from being so pissed off at OCD. Being angry never hurts the the one you're angry at as much as it hurts you. Who said that? The Dalai Lama? Damn you and all your truth, Dalai. I needed to get this off my chest so I went straight to Grumpy Gill's office.
ME: Gill, I'm sure you're busy, but if you have a moment today may we talk?
GILL: We can talk now, come on in.
I was nervous. What does the shitty, late-all-of-the-time employee say to convince the general manager that a head cashier needs correcting?
ME: Before I say anything I would like to say that I am aware that I am not always the best employee. I am am totally aware of that. I am also aware that I am leaving and that nothing I say is going to really matter but I feel that I need to say something.
GILL: I actually think you're a great employee.
ME: Really? (Seriously, what?)
GILL: Yeah! I have seen you interact with your customers. You are great with them. I couldn't ask for more.
ME: I'm not a model cashier.
GILL: Sure, there are things to work on, but you know. What did you want to say?
I had to stop being shocked at his assessment of me so I could tell him why I was there. I told him about how Daisy talked about me behind my back to Gaythan. He said Emmy had let him know what happened (Yes. Good job Emmy.) He told me that the managers would address the problem. It wasn't about me anymore. I didn't want any of my coworkers to hate this job because they had a mean, two-faced head cashier, talking shit about people to their friends and making the working environment unpleasant. I didn't mention how fake she seems, how bad her hair looks or how toothless people have no business insulting others. I thanked Gill for listening to me. I told him how much I appreciated working at this store all summer.
GILL: I knew you had to go. You are highly over-qualified for this job, we get that. We were glad to have you.
ME: It isn't about qualifications. This is a great job for people who have the capacity to enjoy it. I'm glad I got to work for a team of managers that like the company they work for. It made this job more fun to do.
GILL: Thank you.
ME: I loved the customers. I love people. I like to write a lot and I wrote a lot of my customer interactions down in prose.
GILL: Really? I would love to read that.
ME: Sure! I will send you some excerpts.
I really will send him a few excerpts. I think I will be leaving out the ones where he is called Grumpy Gill, and anything about the stingwich. I think I will just send him entries about the kids and the old people.
Showing posts with label Heartless Lucy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Heartless Lucy. Show all posts
Saturday, January 19, 2013
Friday, January 4, 2013
Day Thirty Six
First Written Warning
Upon arrival I was notified that I had received my first warning. I had to sign and confirm that I had received this warning because my till was $10 over the previous day. This means someone did not get their change back. I felt bad about that. My first verbal warning was a money issue as well. Money issues. I am yet to be warned or reprimanded officially for being late...more than 30 times.
Observation
Whenever big grocery stores have giant sales, Hawaiian decor is always involved. Every time. The employees wear flowered leis and palm trees go up everywhere. Who started this trend anyway? Do sales whisk us away to a wonderful place where we have not a care in the world? No. Does anyone ever end up saving enough for a Hawaiian vacation? No. Yet, the bright colors and fake ocean sounds somehow make us all of a sudden covet this lower priced thing we don't need. Only in America. Just an observation.
Mad Kathy and Buffalo Lady
Buffalo Lady came into the my checkout line. The store wasn't very busy so I was happy to give her all of the attention in the world. The cashier next to me, a cool older lady named Kathy, joined in the conversation as well. Buffalo Lady spoke exuberantly, again seamlessly weaving through unrelated topics like depression drugs (she takes Cymbalta), people who love to climb like this guy named Chad (that she knows), social mixers at brain injury conferences, roller coasters and cat sitters. I am sure I am leaving something out. All we did was smile and nod, egging her on to keep talking. Eventually more customers came along so that brought Buffalo Lady's senseless monologue to an end. We said our goodbyes and Buffalo Lady skipped along happy as a clam. Kathy then turned to me.
KATHY: She reminds me of when I used to take acid. [she smiled]
MIRANDA: [I laughed] Acid?
KATHY: No, I'm kidding. I never took acid. I took amphetamines. [she walked away to help a customer]
Stingwich: Day Three
The same two suspects from yesterday came to work today. Tomorrow we all get paid, so maybe they are out of money and a little hungry. I worked early and decided to leave the sandwich in the fridge. Maybeit would disappear by the next day. I'm crossed my fingers.
Update: Jacob
Jacob walked up to me when things weren't busy. He sang me this song:
He told me this is our song now. I think I'm officially Jacob's work hag. I love about gay boys. If you're looking for someone to dance and sing with they are always down. They are just happy and a joy to be around. You can't say that about everybody. Jacob worked at the register across from me today, which put me in a good mood until this one customer came into his line. She was fine until Jake asked her how she was doing that day.
WOMAN: I am just great! Are you going to Chick Fil-A today? That's where I'm going!
Jacob went silent. Today was "Chick Fil-A Appreciation Day." Loads of people would file into Chick Fil-A today to support a company that was openly against same sex marriage. I looked at Jacob's face. He was hurt. He didn't say a word to her until he handed her a receipt.
JACOB: Have a nice day.
Jacob frowned at me then looked down. I was enraged. A grocery store is not a place for politics. It is a place where people of all beliefs, backgrounds and orientations should be able to walk into to fulfill a basic need in life: to feed oneself. It just so happens to be a very HUGE thing we all have in common. Grocery stores, in my mind, celebrate what we have in common. Jacob was kind to that woman even though I bet he didn't want to be. I wanted to grab that woman by the hair and lead her out of the store before I kicked her out on her ass as I would scream, "Keep your Fox News bullshit at home, heifer!"
Alas, I did no such thing. I looked at Jacob.
ME: You okay?
JACOB: No.
ME: Did she say she is going to Chick Fil-A?
JACOB: Yeah.
ME: Then she'll die soon. You can marry who you want after that. It wont be long.
He smiled. That was all I needed to see.
Update: Heartless Lucy
I found Lucy writing a letter. She told me it was her two week notice. I have never heard of anyone handwriting a two week notice. Apparently the manager said that handwritten letters are okay. Lucy told me she hated this job and couldn't wait to get the hell out of there. I usually can't stant hearing Lucy talk, but I asked her why she hated her cashier job so much. She said it didn't pay much and she was always tired. She was moving north to Denton, TX so she could be closer to school and the drive would be too much. I then asked her about her dog she was giving up. She found it a home, thank goodness. Hopefully the new owner would take much better care of this puppy than she did. That was the only reason I chatted up with Lucy, to make sure the dog was okay. I couldn't care less about her complaints and I can't say I'm sad that she is leaving.
Old Lady #11
I was hungry and kind of tired by the time this old lady came into my line. As I packed her groceries her bottle of wine slipped out of my hand and fell into the bag, slamming against the counter. The boom caused me to shout at the old lady.
ME: OH MY GOD!
OLD LADY: [covering her ears] Oh!
ME: I am so so so sorry! I didn't mean to yell. That just startled me and woke me up!
OLD LADY: Oh I understand! I wish I had something to wake me up like that on my last hand of bridge!
I stopped bagging to laugh. Who else would say something like that but an old lady?
Grumpy Gill
Grumpy Gill was the one who hired me to be a cashier. He was very personable when I met him. He seemed like he loved his job, like he loved being a manager and that he really believed in the company. I like working for people like that. Somehow I felt that the only person I was truly letting down was Gill. I felt like every tardy made him more and more disappointed in me. No matter how many times I would smile at him and say hello, he never genuinely smiled back. I knew that he knew I could do better. I did like this job and I would show up on time if they weren't so lenient.
Today was different though. Grumpy Gill walked up to my line to help bag groceries. He smiled at me and said hello! He asked me how I was doing and I told him I was great! He said, "Great!" This was so huge. Gill had not smiled at me in a month. I had no idea what made him so happy at that moment, but I was glad he had some joy. He is usually so super serious. I decided from then on that I would make more honest attempts to try to care to be on time. Gill's smiles are rare but so wonderful to see. The effort to be more punctual would be worth another one of those smiles.
Upon arrival I was notified that I had received my first warning. I had to sign and confirm that I had received this warning because my till was $10 over the previous day. This means someone did not get their change back. I felt bad about that. My first verbal warning was a money issue as well. Money issues. I am yet to be warned or reprimanded officially for being late...more than 30 times.
Observation
Whenever big grocery stores have giant sales, Hawaiian decor is always involved. Every time. The employees wear flowered leis and palm trees go up everywhere. Who started this trend anyway? Do sales whisk us away to a wonderful place where we have not a care in the world? No. Does anyone ever end up saving enough for a Hawaiian vacation? No. Yet, the bright colors and fake ocean sounds somehow make us all of a sudden covet this lower priced thing we don't need. Only in America. Just an observation.
Mad Kathy and Buffalo Lady
Buffalo Lady came into the my checkout line. The store wasn't very busy so I was happy to give her all of the attention in the world. The cashier next to me, a cool older lady named Kathy, joined in the conversation as well. Buffalo Lady spoke exuberantly, again seamlessly weaving through unrelated topics like depression drugs (she takes Cymbalta), people who love to climb like this guy named Chad (that she knows), social mixers at brain injury conferences, roller coasters and cat sitters. I am sure I am leaving something out. All we did was smile and nod, egging her on to keep talking. Eventually more customers came along so that brought Buffalo Lady's senseless monologue to an end. We said our goodbyes and Buffalo Lady skipped along happy as a clam. Kathy then turned to me.
KATHY: She reminds me of when I used to take acid. [she smiled]
MIRANDA: [I laughed] Acid?
KATHY: No, I'm kidding. I never took acid. I took amphetamines. [she walked away to help a customer]
Stingwich: Day Three
The same two suspects from yesterday came to work today. Tomorrow we all get paid, so maybe they are out of money and a little hungry. I worked early and decided to leave the sandwich in the fridge. Maybeit would disappear by the next day. I'm crossed my fingers.
Update: Jacob
Jacob walked up to me when things weren't busy. He sang me this song:
He told me this is our song now. I think I'm officially Jacob's work hag. I love about gay boys. If you're looking for someone to dance and sing with they are always down. They are just happy and a joy to be around. You can't say that about everybody. Jacob worked at the register across from me today, which put me in a good mood until this one customer came into his line. She was fine until Jake asked her how she was doing that day.
WOMAN: I am just great! Are you going to Chick Fil-A today? That's where I'm going!
Jacob went silent. Today was "Chick Fil-A Appreciation Day." Loads of people would file into Chick Fil-A today to support a company that was openly against same sex marriage. I looked at Jacob's face. He was hurt. He didn't say a word to her until he handed her a receipt.
JACOB: Have a nice day.
Jacob frowned at me then looked down. I was enraged. A grocery store is not a place for politics. It is a place where people of all beliefs, backgrounds and orientations should be able to walk into to fulfill a basic need in life: to feed oneself. It just so happens to be a very HUGE thing we all have in common. Grocery stores, in my mind, celebrate what we have in common. Jacob was kind to that woman even though I bet he didn't want to be. I wanted to grab that woman by the hair and lead her out of the store before I kicked her out on her ass as I would scream, "Keep your Fox News bullshit at home, heifer!"
Alas, I did no such thing. I looked at Jacob.
ME: You okay?
JACOB: No.
ME: Did she say she is going to Chick Fil-A?
JACOB: Yeah.
ME: Then she'll die soon. You can marry who you want after that. It wont be long.
He smiled. That was all I needed to see.
Update: Heartless Lucy
I found Lucy writing a letter. She told me it was her two week notice. I have never heard of anyone handwriting a two week notice. Apparently the manager said that handwritten letters are okay. Lucy told me she hated this job and couldn't wait to get the hell out of there. I usually can't stant hearing Lucy talk, but I asked her why she hated her cashier job so much. She said it didn't pay much and she was always tired. She was moving north to Denton, TX so she could be closer to school and the drive would be too much. I then asked her about her dog she was giving up. She found it a home, thank goodness. Hopefully the new owner would take much better care of this puppy than she did. That was the only reason I chatted up with Lucy, to make sure the dog was okay. I couldn't care less about her complaints and I can't say I'm sad that she is leaving.
Old Lady #11
I was hungry and kind of tired by the time this old lady came into my line. As I packed her groceries her bottle of wine slipped out of my hand and fell into the bag, slamming against the counter. The boom caused me to shout at the old lady.
ME: OH MY GOD!
OLD LADY: [covering her ears] Oh!
ME: I am so so so sorry! I didn't mean to yell. That just startled me and woke me up!
OLD LADY: Oh I understand! I wish I had something to wake me up like that on my last hand of bridge!
I stopped bagging to laugh. Who else would say something like that but an old lady?
Grumpy Gill
Grumpy Gill was the one who hired me to be a cashier. He was very personable when I met him. He seemed like he loved his job, like he loved being a manager and that he really believed in the company. I like working for people like that. Somehow I felt that the only person I was truly letting down was Gill. I felt like every tardy made him more and more disappointed in me. No matter how many times I would smile at him and say hello, he never genuinely smiled back. I knew that he knew I could do better. I did like this job and I would show up on time if they weren't so lenient.
Today was different though. Grumpy Gill walked up to my line to help bag groceries. He smiled at me and said hello! He asked me how I was doing and I told him I was great! He said, "Great!" This was so huge. Gill had not smiled at me in a month. I had no idea what made him so happy at that moment, but I was glad he had some joy. He is usually so super serious. I decided from then on that I would make more honest attempts to try to care to be on time. Gill's smiles are rare but so wonderful to see. The effort to be more punctual would be worth another one of those smiles.
Friday, July 27, 2012
Day Twenty Four
Donna Draper
I walk into work and my head cashier immediately pulls me aside.
RYAN: We need you to do an ad for ribs.
ME: Seriously?
RYAN: Yeah, you have the best announcer voice.
Wow. I didn't know all of the really slow "Clear Eyes" style announcements would earn me such an opportunity. Ryan gave me all of the details so that I could write a good "commercial." He said I only have a few minutes to write it and that I had to make this announcement every 15 minutes. I got to work and came up with this:
"Attention customers! Are you sad that the 4th of July is over? Well turn that frown upside down! We are keeping the festivities going by grilling out in the front of our store! Sink your teeth into some freshly smoked, savory, pork ribs for only $10.99 per rack. Hurry and get them while they last, supplies are limited and as always, thank you for shopping at [insert store name]!"
After I announced this, applause broke out from my fellow cashiers. Apparently my manager and head cashier think I am really good at it. I had to do it again every fifteen minutes, so I decided to come up with a new ad each time. This was my second one:
"Don't know what to cook for dinner tonight? Let us do the cooking for you! Stop by the grill in the front of our store and get your hands on our freshly smoked, savory, pork ribs! They're a steal at $10.99 per rack and they are selling quickly so hurry and get yours soon! As always, thank you for shopping at [insert store name]!"
I kept this up for the rest of the time the ribs were being cooked. It was totally fun and it gave me an excuse to close my line down. An old man walked up to me after I made one of the announcements.
OLD MAN: You don't talk like that normally. [pointing his finger at me] That's not what you talk like!
He laughed and walked away. I guess I don't normally talk like that. Busted.
Chocolate
My store always has one dark chocolate covered fruit or nut on sale. This week's sale was amazing. Dark chocolate covered almonds were $2.99 per pound. I had to try them. I bought ten of them and popped five of them into my mouth, one by one, for a snack. I let the chocolate slowly melt over my tongue and what followed was instant euphoria. The rest of my day went well. I was in such a great mood!
An old lady came into my line and after purchasing groceries and she forgot a bag when she walked away. I ran off mid transaction to catch her, only to notice she had not made it out the door yet. She was grateful that I brought her bag to her and I was grateful that she walks so slow. It's hot outside, you know?
I decided to make this a conversational point to my next customer whose transaction I continued.
ME: It's a good thing that lady doesn't walk to fast otherwise I would have had to go outside!
LADY: COULD YOU MOVE IT ALONG PLEASE? THREE CUSTOMERS HAVE ALREADY LEFT FROM THIS OTHER LINE!!
I couldn't help what happened next. I started moving slower. REALLY slowly. I stopped to stare longer than usual at every PLU code on each fruit or vegetable (even the ones I had memorized). I took my time finding where the UPC symbol was located on each tiny box. I took my time getting my pointer finger to hit "Total" and I spoke slowly when I told her what her total was. I took my time to hit to hit the "Debit/Credit" key and I slammed it with unusual force. The lady, in response, swiped her card with anger. Angerrrrrrrr!!!!!
It was so hard to keep from laughing. I waited for the card to be approved and started to have a conversation with myself in my head.
INNER MONOLOGUE: Do I care about getting fired?
[the receipt printed out]
INNER MONOLOGUE: No.
ME: [holding on to her receipt, I face her from my printer] You know ma'am, if you're in a rush, all you have to do is let me know...and I'll move faster. [I flashed a smile that said, "Go fuck yourself."] Have a nice day!
LADY: [in a much calmer fashion than previously] Thank you, you too. [she took the receipt and left]
Miranda-1
Bitch-0
If I hadn't had those five dark chocolate covered almonds I wouldn't have given as little of a shit as I did with that woman. I was in a fabulous mood the whole time she was horrible to me. No one could make me mad. Dark chocolate covered almonds. I'm pretty sure they all contain a pinch of heroine. Next time I'll check to see if my pupils dilate.
Update: Heartless Lucy
I still don't like Lucy. I'll like her as soon as I know her dog is in a better home with a more responsible owner. She came into the store with her boyfriend. Today was her birthday. A bunch of the cashiers asked me to sing "Happy Birthday" over the speakers. Ugh, fine. I invited the customers to sing along as well. Crazy Red-Head Vegan tried (failed) to throw me off by singing off pitch, on purpose, for the entire song. Lucy told me she really appreciated my singing. I should have told her that she can appreciate me better by taking care of her dog.
A Word of Advice:
Keep it classy. Don't wrestle with your mother over who pays for five dollars of food. I don't mean wrestling as a metaphor, I mean please do not literally wrestle with your elderly mother over who pays for five dollars of food. An elderly lady began to try swiping her debit card to pay for a little bit of food. Her daughter flew in to try and stop her. These women, mother and daughter, were both gripping the debit card and pulling in opposite directions. It was a sad sight. It took a minute for the younger daughter to get the debit card away from her mother. I should have done the young woman a favor and slapped her across the face. Be more respectful to your mother, you flippin' idiot.
I walk into work and my head cashier immediately pulls me aside.
RYAN: We need you to do an ad for ribs.
ME: Seriously?
RYAN: Yeah, you have the best announcer voice.
Wow. I didn't know all of the really slow "Clear Eyes" style announcements would earn me such an opportunity. Ryan gave me all of the details so that I could write a good "commercial." He said I only have a few minutes to write it and that I had to make this announcement every 15 minutes. I got to work and came up with this:
"Attention customers! Are you sad that the 4th of July is over? Well turn that frown upside down! We are keeping the festivities going by grilling out in the front of our store! Sink your teeth into some freshly smoked, savory, pork ribs for only $10.99 per rack. Hurry and get them while they last, supplies are limited and as always, thank you for shopping at [insert store name]!"
After I announced this, applause broke out from my fellow cashiers. Apparently my manager and head cashier think I am really good at it. I had to do it again every fifteen minutes, so I decided to come up with a new ad each time. This was my second one:
"Don't know what to cook for dinner tonight? Let us do the cooking for you! Stop by the grill in the front of our store and get your hands on our freshly smoked, savory, pork ribs! They're a steal at $10.99 per rack and they are selling quickly so hurry and get yours soon! As always, thank you for shopping at [insert store name]!"
I kept this up for the rest of the time the ribs were being cooked. It was totally fun and it gave me an excuse to close my line down. An old man walked up to me after I made one of the announcements.
OLD MAN: You don't talk like that normally. [pointing his finger at me] That's not what you talk like!
He laughed and walked away. I guess I don't normally talk like that. Busted.
Chocolate
My store always has one dark chocolate covered fruit or nut on sale. This week's sale was amazing. Dark chocolate covered almonds were $2.99 per pound. I had to try them. I bought ten of them and popped five of them into my mouth, one by one, for a snack. I let the chocolate slowly melt over my tongue and what followed was instant euphoria. The rest of my day went well. I was in such a great mood!
An old lady came into my line and after purchasing groceries and she forgot a bag when she walked away. I ran off mid transaction to catch her, only to notice she had not made it out the door yet. She was grateful that I brought her bag to her and I was grateful that she walks so slow. It's hot outside, you know?
I decided to make this a conversational point to my next customer whose transaction I continued.
ME: It's a good thing that lady doesn't walk to fast otherwise I would have had to go outside!
LADY: COULD YOU MOVE IT ALONG PLEASE? THREE CUSTOMERS HAVE ALREADY LEFT FROM THIS OTHER LINE!!
I couldn't help what happened next. I started moving slower. REALLY slowly. I stopped to stare longer than usual at every PLU code on each fruit or vegetable (even the ones I had memorized). I took my time finding where the UPC symbol was located on each tiny box. I took my time getting my pointer finger to hit "Total" and I spoke slowly when I told her what her total was. I took my time to hit to hit the "Debit/Credit" key and I slammed it with unusual force. The lady, in response, swiped her card with anger. Angerrrrrrrr!!!!!
It was so hard to keep from laughing. I waited for the card to be approved and started to have a conversation with myself in my head.
INNER MONOLOGUE: Do I care about getting fired?
[the receipt printed out]
INNER MONOLOGUE: No.
ME: [holding on to her receipt, I face her from my printer] You know ma'am, if you're in a rush, all you have to do is let me know...and I'll move faster. [I flashed a smile that said, "Go fuck yourself."] Have a nice day!
LADY: [in a much calmer fashion than previously] Thank you, you too. [she took the receipt and left]
Miranda-1
Bitch-0
If I hadn't had those five dark chocolate covered almonds I wouldn't have given as little of a shit as I did with that woman. I was in a fabulous mood the whole time she was horrible to me. No one could make me mad. Dark chocolate covered almonds. I'm pretty sure they all contain a pinch of heroine. Next time I'll check to see if my pupils dilate.
Update: Heartless Lucy
I still don't like Lucy. I'll like her as soon as I know her dog is in a better home with a more responsible owner. She came into the store with her boyfriend. Today was her birthday. A bunch of the cashiers asked me to sing "Happy Birthday" over the speakers. Ugh, fine. I invited the customers to sing along as well. Crazy Red-Head Vegan tried (failed) to throw me off by singing off pitch, on purpose, for the entire song. Lucy told me she really appreciated my singing. I should have told her that she can appreciate me better by taking care of her dog.
A Word of Advice:
Keep it classy. Don't wrestle with your mother over who pays for five dollars of food. I don't mean wrestling as a metaphor, I mean please do not literally wrestle with your elderly mother over who pays for five dollars of food. An elderly lady began to try swiping her debit card to pay for a little bit of food. Her daughter flew in to try and stop her. These women, mother and daughter, were both gripping the debit card and pulling in opposite directions. It was a sad sight. It took a minute for the younger daughter to get the debit card away from her mother. I should have done the young woman a favor and slapped her across the face. Be more respectful to your mother, you flippin' idiot.
Tuesday, July 24, 2012
Day Twenty One
Ivory Magazine
It was pretty dead in the store so I decided to do something we're not allowed to do as cashiers, read magazines. I flipped through D Magazine, a magazine about Dallas/Fort Worth life. The cover looked like this:
I began to flip through the pages. It was looking pretty...well, "Caucasian." I kept turning pages one by one and I made it through the entire magazine (two hundred-something pages) to see only nine people of color. NINE, out of hundreds of pictures. Hundreds! I have lived in the Dallas area all of my life. If you spend 2 minutes in the store I work for, or anywhere in Dallas, you would see at least ten different cultures. Does this magazine mean to say that the best suburbs only have white people in them? I was appalled. I started a conversation with every customer who flipped through this magazine while waiting in line. My customers, all of whom were disappointed, volunteered more appropriate titles for the feature. Some highlights:
"White People, Look No Further!"
"How to Be Brown Free"
"Ivory Magazine: An Ebony Magazine Affiliate"
"We All Have One Black Friend"
"Sunburnt? You're In Great Company!"
One woman actually bought the magazine, saying she is a realtor. She was Asian. The magazine did have hundreds of photos of realtors, white realtors, some posed standing in unaffordable homes. We discussed how there are so many realtors of different races in DFW, that this month's D magazine was a shame. I thought about tossing all of those magazines away. Of course I would get in big trouble so I didn't do it. Trouble is for when I turn in my two week notice. Thankfully not many of this month's D Magazine sold in my store while I was working. The best part of all? All of the babies in the cover photo are crying angrily.
Update: Elvira
Elvira walked by me before the start of her shift. She was smiling. Smiling!! During my shift I would catch her singing little nonsense wordless songs. Usually I only find that to be cute when little kids do that but considering how Elvira used to be around me, I found her hums to be delightful. I reminded myself that I need to find a good tofu recipe for her. It looks like Elvira has ended up not being so bad.
Update: Cute Guy, Maybe (Not Really)
Cute Guy was listening to a conversation I had with a customer who was trying to use the credit card reader.
ME: Scan the card there.
CUSTOMER: It's not working.
ME: Try swiping upwards.
CUSTOMER: [swipes upward] Okay that worked.
ME: You just canceled. Did you hit the red button? If you want it to be a credit transaction you have to hit the green button. Try swiping again.
CUSTOMER: [swipes card upward again] Okay. It says, 'Is $26.30 okay?' What if I don't think it's okay?
ME: [I laugh] Then you can't have your groceries.
CUSTOMER: [tries to prod the 'OK' screen button with his finger, which doesn't work]
ME: Sir, you have to use the electronic pen.
CUSTOMER: Oh, geez. Okay. [Uses pen to hit 'OK' button]
ME: Please sign on the screen.
CUSTOMER: So many questions.
ME: Now enter your last five addresses.
CUTE GUY: Then do a retinal scan.
ME: Next we'll draw your blood.
CUTE GUY: Criminal background check.
ME: [The receipt prints out and I hand it to the customer, who laughs] Sorry, our card reader is a pain. I wish we could take a hammer to it. I think I'll do that on my last day, Office Space style.
Cute Guy then told me about how he had an ex-girlfriend who's house had no key entry, but each door had a thumbprint scanner. Crazy. So I'm getting little stories here and there from Cute Guy. I'm glad he feels more comfortable talking to me. We're getting along!
Update: Heartless Lucy
Lucy always wears her hair straight. He hair is naturally curly and she doesn't really have the art of straightening her hair down so her hair doesn't look too good most days. Today she let it be curly. It looked nice and I complimented her. She had been surveying all of our coworkers in the store. All of the girls liked it curly and the guys liked it straight. She thought her curls were frizzy and she didn't really like it. I tried to give her tips but I think anything I said fell on deaf ears.
I tried my best to be cordial with Lucy. I still disliked her for how irresponsible she was being about her dog. I asked about the pup and she said she almost found an owner but it fell through. I offered to help find a foster parent for it, someone to help train the dog so that it has a better chance of being adopted. She refused the help and was getting a little irritated about it. She hates this dog and someone wants to help but she didn't want to bother anyone with it. Lucy thinks she inconveniences everyone. That's the vibe I get. I want to shake her really hard and slap her across the face. That poor dog. I wish I could break into her house and save it. She would probably end up feeling relieved that the dog is off her hands but I would also probably end up getting arrested.
Monday, July 2, 2012
Day Sixteen
Old Man #4
ME: Hi there! How has your day been?
OLD MAN: I was fine until the point where you take my money.
ME: I'm really sorry about that.
OLD MAN: You disappoint a lot of people.
So, You Think You Can Go Gluten-Free
A woman came through my line with a return.
WOMAN: Hi, I have a return.
ME: Okay. Is the item still good, or is it spoiled? (a question for restocking purposes)
WOMAN: Oh my daughter and I bought a bunch of gluten-free stuff to try out the diet and everything just tastes like cardboard.
ME: Okay.
WOMAN: I mean it just tastes awful. Bleh! [she laughs]
ME: The gluten-free diet is actually for people who are allergic to gluten. It's not a fad diet. It's for those with celiac disease. [I call my head cashier (Ryan) over to handle the return, standard protocol]
RYAN: Hi ma'am, got a return? Is this product still good?
WOMAN: Oh, it tastes like dirt. I need food that tastes good. [she laughs again]
ME: Look BITCH, this is replacement food for people who are allergic to gluten. Some people can't have wheat and it sucks for them because the diet takes a lot of adjustment and the food is expensive. For some families it creates a bit of hardship. I'm really annoyed by how insensitive you are. [I threw her refund at her face] By the way, you're fat.
Okay...maybe that is not how the conversation ended. That is how it would have ended if today was my last day on the job. Rewind...
RYAN: Is the product still good?
WOMAN: Oh, it tastes like dirt. I need food that tastes good. [she laughs again]
ME: The product is still good, she just didn't want it. [I handed the woman her refund]
Angel
A woman was buying two separate orders of groceries for whatever reason. About halfway through the first order, she changed her mind and asked me to put the two orders together in one transaction. I usually think nothing of these things. I picked up a can of Amy's Refried Beans.
ME: I love Amy's brand. I love to make Mexican recipes with this.
WOMAN: Oh yeah. That's my daughter's best friend's favorite.
ME: Aw, that's so sweet! Are you making dinner for a girls' night?
WOMAN: Oh...no. I'm buying groceries for my daughter's best friend's family. My daughter's best friend recently found out that she has a brain tumor.
ME: No way...I'm so sorry. How old is this girl?
WOMAN: 11 years old.
I paused. After a failed attempt to contemplate what that must be like for a kid that age, I continued to ask questions. Every answer that woman gave me had me more and more in disbelief.
ME: Is the tumor benign or malignant?
WOMAN: Malignant.
ME: Is she being treated at Dallas Children's?
WOMAN: Her treatment is being overseen in Boston, but she receives radiation in Dallas Children's.
ME: Can she be healed of this?
WOMAN: It doesn't look good. We hope so.
ME: [ handing the woman her receipt] I hope so too. You're an angel, you know.
I didn't know this woman personally but all I wanted to do was give her a hug. I hoped the best for that 11 year old girl and while I was so sad for her, I also felt happy for her. She has such great people who love and support her and her family, the kind of love that is the strongest medicine for healing and recovery.
F-Bomber
A woman swiped her card to pay for her groceries and my computer screen displayed a message that said, "Insufficient funds."
WOMAN: Oh no. I think there is less on the card than my total, is there a way to put in a certain amount in first on my card? I'll pay the rest in cash! I made too much fucking money last year on unemployment and I am not allowed how have much this year. [scoffs] Here's my loser card.
I looked at the card, it was a Lonestar card (foodstamps). Ryan was nearby and came over to help. He was able to find out how much money was on the card and help the woman do the transaction.
WOMAN: [handing over the rest in cash] Thank you! You're wonderful. You're probably thinking, 'Man, what a loser.'
ME: Not at all!
WOMAN: Oh thank you so much. You guys are so sweet. You know, I used to judge people who used this card all of the time, like 'Who is this fuckin' loser?' You know?
ME: [Handing her a receipt] It's cool, really. Have a nice day.
Until this woman came through my line, I had never heard any customers curse. I didn't think she was a loser at all. I'm sure this woman felt otherwise for being on food stamps, but she must have been doing better if the government was giving her less. I hoped that she would see even more prosperity, and eventually have less dependence on her Lonestar card.
Heartless Lucy
Lucy was one of my pals at work. We got along fine. For fun we would fake quarrels and pretend we don't like each other. Today, for the first time, I didn't have to pretend.
LUCY: Ugh I hate my dog.
ME: Aw! Why? What kind of dog is it?
LUCY: It's a Pomeranian Chihuahua mix. It's just bitchy and barks all of the time. It tears up all of my stuff while I'm not home and gets into my garbage.
ME: Do you have a kennel?
LUCY: No.
ME: Get a kennel and put your dog in it when you are not home.
LUCY: I'm getting rid of it.
ME: Why?
LUCY: I'm moving into an apartment.
ME: Pound or adoption?
LUCY: I'm going to find it a home.
ME: You're going to interview potential owners right?
LUCY: Yeah, I'm probably going to have a hard time letting go.
ME: Then why don't you get a kennel and see if that makes things better. When the dog misbehaves, the kennel is also good for disciplining. If your dog barks, face away and put in ear plugs. Only pay attention to it when it is behaving. Give it loads of treats when it obeys you and behaves well. You can take care of this dog. Just watch Animal Planet for Christ's sake.
LUCY: I'm moving to an apartment and I just don't want to deal with it.
ME: Then why did you get a dog in the first place?
LUCY: I didn't think it would be like this! I had a dog before! It was a lab and it was so smart and behaved well, but it died.
ME: How?
LUCY: Parvo. It was a puppy.
ME: Did you take it for shots?
LUCY: I was going to. It probably got parvo from the dog park. My roomates took my dog there without permission.
ME: Well, then did you murder your roomates? Or at the very least hate them forever?
LUCY: I know.
Lucy was telling all of this to the wrong person. I have a dog and I am fostering another. I have lived in a house with roomates who had dogs before. All dogs have the capacity to be wonderful pets. It is never a dog's fault if it misbehaves. They are like children, they require training. They require more than just food and water, the need love and attention and they will give back that love and attention more than two fold. Dogs cost money. Don't get a dog before you know how much it costs or what care is involved!
I was angry. I felt a little ridiculous for instantly not liking this girl, but honestly I didn't like her anymore. I wanted to break into her house and steal her dog. I wondered how neglected that dog was probably feeling. Lucy probably doesn't even walk it. I am going to get updates on this animal. I think I am going to find it a foster parent. Lucy may redeem herself for being a terrible owner if she makes an effort to find this dog an owner who will love it. I'm going to help.
ME: Hi there! How has your day been?
OLD MAN: I was fine until the point where you take my money.
ME: I'm really sorry about that.
OLD MAN: You disappoint a lot of people.
So, You Think You Can Go Gluten-Free
A woman came through my line with a return.
WOMAN: Hi, I have a return.
ME: Okay. Is the item still good, or is it spoiled? (a question for restocking purposes)
WOMAN: Oh my daughter and I bought a bunch of gluten-free stuff to try out the diet and everything just tastes like cardboard.
ME: Okay.
WOMAN: I mean it just tastes awful. Bleh! [she laughs]
ME: The gluten-free diet is actually for people who are allergic to gluten. It's not a fad diet. It's for those with celiac disease. [I call my head cashier (Ryan) over to handle the return, standard protocol]
RYAN: Hi ma'am, got a return? Is this product still good?
WOMAN: Oh, it tastes like dirt. I need food that tastes good. [she laughs again]
ME: Look BITCH, this is replacement food for people who are allergic to gluten. Some people can't have wheat and it sucks for them because the diet takes a lot of adjustment and the food is expensive. For some families it creates a bit of hardship. I'm really annoyed by how insensitive you are. [I threw her refund at her face] By the way, you're fat.
Okay...maybe that is not how the conversation ended. That is how it would have ended if today was my last day on the job. Rewind...
RYAN: Is the product still good?
WOMAN: Oh, it tastes like dirt. I need food that tastes good. [she laughs again]
ME: The product is still good, she just didn't want it. [I handed the woman her refund]
Angel
A woman was buying two separate orders of groceries for whatever reason. About halfway through the first order, she changed her mind and asked me to put the two orders together in one transaction. I usually think nothing of these things. I picked up a can of Amy's Refried Beans.
ME: I love Amy's brand. I love to make Mexican recipes with this.
WOMAN: Oh yeah. That's my daughter's best friend's favorite.
ME: Aw, that's so sweet! Are you making dinner for a girls' night?
WOMAN: Oh...no. I'm buying groceries for my daughter's best friend's family. My daughter's best friend recently found out that she has a brain tumor.
ME: No way...I'm so sorry. How old is this girl?
WOMAN: 11 years old.
I paused. After a failed attempt to contemplate what that must be like for a kid that age, I continued to ask questions. Every answer that woman gave me had me more and more in disbelief.
ME: Is the tumor benign or malignant?
WOMAN: Malignant.
ME: Is she being treated at Dallas Children's?
WOMAN: Her treatment is being overseen in Boston, but she receives radiation in Dallas Children's.
ME: Can she be healed of this?
WOMAN: It doesn't look good. We hope so.
ME: [ handing the woman her receipt] I hope so too. You're an angel, you know.
I didn't know this woman personally but all I wanted to do was give her a hug. I hoped the best for that 11 year old girl and while I was so sad for her, I also felt happy for her. She has such great people who love and support her and her family, the kind of love that is the strongest medicine for healing and recovery.
F-Bomber
A woman swiped her card to pay for her groceries and my computer screen displayed a message that said, "Insufficient funds."
WOMAN: Oh no. I think there is less on the card than my total, is there a way to put in a certain amount in first on my card? I'll pay the rest in cash! I made too much fucking money last year on unemployment and I am not allowed how have much this year. [scoffs] Here's my loser card.
I looked at the card, it was a Lonestar card (foodstamps). Ryan was nearby and came over to help. He was able to find out how much money was on the card and help the woman do the transaction.
WOMAN: [handing over the rest in cash] Thank you! You're wonderful. You're probably thinking, 'Man, what a loser.'
ME: Not at all!
WOMAN: Oh thank you so much. You guys are so sweet. You know, I used to judge people who used this card all of the time, like 'Who is this fuckin' loser?' You know?
ME: [Handing her a receipt] It's cool, really. Have a nice day.
Until this woman came through my line, I had never heard any customers curse. I didn't think she was a loser at all. I'm sure this woman felt otherwise for being on food stamps, but she must have been doing better if the government was giving her less. I hoped that she would see even more prosperity, and eventually have less dependence on her Lonestar card.
Heartless Lucy
Lucy was one of my pals at work. We got along fine. For fun we would fake quarrels and pretend we don't like each other. Today, for the first time, I didn't have to pretend.
LUCY: Ugh I hate my dog.
ME: Aw! Why? What kind of dog is it?
LUCY: It's a Pomeranian Chihuahua mix. It's just bitchy and barks all of the time. It tears up all of my stuff while I'm not home and gets into my garbage.
ME: Do you have a kennel?
LUCY: No.
ME: Get a kennel and put your dog in it when you are not home.
LUCY: I'm getting rid of it.
ME: Why?
LUCY: I'm moving into an apartment.
ME: Pound or adoption?
LUCY: I'm going to find it a home.
ME: You're going to interview potential owners right?
LUCY: Yeah, I'm probably going to have a hard time letting go.
ME: Then why don't you get a kennel and see if that makes things better. When the dog misbehaves, the kennel is also good for disciplining. If your dog barks, face away and put in ear plugs. Only pay attention to it when it is behaving. Give it loads of treats when it obeys you and behaves well. You can take care of this dog. Just watch Animal Planet for Christ's sake.
LUCY: I'm moving to an apartment and I just don't want to deal with it.
ME: Then why did you get a dog in the first place?
LUCY: I didn't think it would be like this! I had a dog before! It was a lab and it was so smart and behaved well, but it died.
ME: How?
LUCY: Parvo. It was a puppy.
ME: Did you take it for shots?
LUCY: I was going to. It probably got parvo from the dog park. My roomates took my dog there without permission.
ME: Well, then did you murder your roomates? Or at the very least hate them forever?
LUCY: I know.
Lucy was telling all of this to the wrong person. I have a dog and I am fostering another. I have lived in a house with roomates who had dogs before. All dogs have the capacity to be wonderful pets. It is never a dog's fault if it misbehaves. They are like children, they require training. They require more than just food and water, the need love and attention and they will give back that love and attention more than two fold. Dogs cost money. Don't get a dog before you know how much it costs or what care is involved!
I was angry. I felt a little ridiculous for instantly not liking this girl, but honestly I didn't like her anymore. I wanted to break into her house and steal her dog. I wondered how neglected that dog was probably feeling. Lucy probably doesn't even walk it. I am going to get updates on this animal. I think I am going to find it a foster parent. Lucy may redeem herself for being a terrible owner if she makes an effort to find this dog an owner who will love it. I'm going to help.
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