The Epi-Prologue

Epilogue

I did what I said I would do. I added many of last summer's fellow cashiers to my Facebook. I was dying to find out where everyone was and who was doing what. None of them ever knew about the blog except for one person.

Hero

Hero quit shortly after I did. I found out that he recruited a lot of private trombone students. I shared the blog with him because he is family, a fellow brass player. He knew something fishy was going on when he noticed me writing down interaction after interaction on a strip of receipt paper.

I gave him the URL. He told me that he looks forward to finding out who he is. He may not have read it all because......

Hero had a baby with his wife!! He is a proud papa. The baby is really cute too. I'm so happy for him.

Banshee

The last time I saw Banshee she had been through a horrible ordeal. I remembered that she was pretty miserable working as a head cashier. She was basically forced to step down from the position. She eventually left. She now works for Gamestop and Einstein Bros. Bagels. She is also back in school. Life is apparently going much easier for her. She said that her lack of stress helped her to quit smoking.

Jacob

Jacob left and became a flight attendant for American Airlines. He regularly posts photos of himself in different beautiful locations. He looks pretty happy and he's still really freaking handsome. I lament his gayness.

Sally Spec  & Ryan

I think these two are still together. They are both still working at the store. Ryan moved from head cashier to grocery so he could focus on school, I think. I know Sally is thinking of leaving soon. She told me all of the cool people left and the angry old ladies were still keeping things dark on the front end. It has turned into a high school and all people do is gossip. I can understand her wanting to leave.

Gaythan

Gaythan moved back to Virginia. I imagine he is a manager at a Food Lion somewhere. I only guess that because all of his grocery anecdotes began with, "When I was an assistant manager at Food Lion..." He wasn't happy here. I imagine he moved back to VA with his boyfriend. I hope he has had more than one slow dance since last August.


JV

The know-it-all, JV, is now a head cashier. I'm not surprised. I didn't add him on Facebook. I'm not curious about what he thinks about anything. Maybe I'll add him after this summer if he has learned to chill out.


Copycat

Copycat still works at this store. She is still as awkward as I expected her to be BUT she is happy and she is finding new and interesting ways to talk to people. I think that is pretty cool. I hope people are being kind to her.

Crazy Red Head Vegan

CRV dyed her hair BLUE and joined a nutrition business in town. She schedules her own hours and seems to be doing well. She posts a different but similar photo of her boot camp group every week. She speaks bitterly about her former cashier job and I imagine she is still crazy.


Prologue 

Nine months of trumpet teaching at a university and choral directing at a church, a totaled car, and many a bill for student loans later here I am, seeking employment for the summer. I debated putting in applications in many different places but at the same time I couldn't get my last conversation with Emmy out of my head.

EMMY: Good luck with your new job! We want you to know that for whatever reason if you want to come back you are 100% rehireable!
ME: How is that possible?
EMMY: We like you!

If this was true, if I was eligible for rehire, I could very easily be employed right away. I checked the store's website. There were no cashier positions available. I went ahead and gave Emmy a call. After I inquired about being rehired, her reply was:

EMMY: OH MY GOD YES WE'LL HIRE YOU!!

I'm pretty tickled that they hired me even though they don't need me. Another bonus? I could continue this blog! Since last summer, I have been desperately seeking something to write about. I started many other blogs, but no subject has been as fun as American people and how they treat others.

What If Nothing Happens?

I asked myself this many times. Maybe nothing new goes down. Maybe my coworkers are all gossip queens that I will be too annoyed with to write about. Maybe my customer interactions will all be boring and uneventful. Maybe I would just work this summer job and forget about blogging.

Then this happens on my first visit back to the store:

Update: O.C. Daisy

I almost didn't acknowledge her when I walked in but it was too late. She looked at me and she knew I saw her so I waved politely.  

DAISY: Heyyyy Darlin'! I was so happy to hear that you're coming back!
ME: Aww! I'm happy to BE back!

Ugggggggh.

Why the saccharine exchange? Why do you have to lie Daisy? We ended things peacefully last August yet I can't help but think that the minute I walk out the door, she is going to talk shit about me. Daisy is officially on social probation. I would be stupid to think she is a nice person now, but I also do hope that she is actually nice. I'm prepared for the worst here. Damn my optimism.

Daisy pointed me to the office and she said she would page management to meet me there.


Update: Grumpy Gill

Gill walks in the office to say hi. His greeting was warm, cheerful and not grumpy at all! He told me the store is busier than it has ever been. Maybe that's why he is a happy manager. He said it gets pretty crazy. I am pretty excited about that. Never a dull moment. I only worry that I will not be able to jot down notes like I used to. I do have a handheld digital voice recorder. I may need to bust that out and take notes down Captain Kirk style.  

Update: Roz

I was to meet Roz for filling out paperwork. She asked if I was going to just be in for the summer. I plan to leave after summer if I can get a private studio going in addition to teaching at the university and working at t he church. I do need to buy a new car. I honestly don't know what the hell I am going to do. I shared with Roz how I also have to take care of a house and two dogs. At the mention of dogs, she lit up.

ROZ: Oh I LOVE dogs.  They are so sweet and the love unconditionally.
ME: Right? There is nothing they want more in this world, than to be pet on the head.

She asked me what kind of dogs I have. I gladly shared this information.

ROZ: You know, if I could do it all over again, I would have NO children.

Wow. Hold on.

ME: [nervous laughter] Are your children aware of this?
ROZ: They aren't aware of much.

Roz just cursed her children's existence. This is gold. She walked out to get me two new ugly green t-shirts. While she was gone, I grabbed the nearest blank sheet of paper to jot down what I had just heard. Roz came back and I had to go through the signing of papers, one after the other. She emphatically threw down the attendance and the tardiness policy agreement. She laughed, I laughed. She said the attendance policy is new, a point system (NOT new). If I am late 9 times, my employment will be terminated. I laughed again. I did tell her that I planned to be punctual this summer.

That remains to be seen.

Day Fifty

Last day. Why should things be any different?

Cool Mom #1

A woman rolled up to my register with five kids. I wasn't sure if they were her adopted kids or if some of them were her kids' friends. They looked like a United Colors of Benetton ad. The mom began to hand me an endless amount of things for me to put back on the shelves.

MOM: I let the kids pick whatever they want off the shelves. I love seeing them enjoy grocery shopping.

Aren't you the coolest mom ever? There are other ways of seeing that your kid enjoy grocery shopping. It doesn't have to involve making the cashiers do more work than necessary. Any ignorant d-bag may think, "Well, they get paid to put these things back," and this person would be an ignorant d-bag.

Facebook

Oy, Facebook adds. I took out a strip of receipt paper to write down the full names of the people I liked at this store. I figured that at some point I would take this grocery blog down and "friend" these people. I decided I would keep this paper safe. I really did want to know how these people were doing later on, not just for the purposes of being friends but to also write an epilogue.

Cool Mom #2

A little girl picked a lollipop out of the container in front of my register as her mom unloaded the grocery cart. The mom saw her and didn't give her kid a chance to ask for it.

MOM: Put it back.
GIRL: [whining a little] But I want it.
MOM:  [taking the pop and putting it back in the container] There are a lot of things I want too. Doesn't mean I'm gonna get it.

Hold the phone. That was a strange choice of words. It almost seemed like the mom was projecting what was probably her own sad life on to her daughter. The kid tried to grab a lollipop again, but her mom gripped her daughter's wrist, pulling her away from the container.

MOM: Stop it right now. I will spank you right here in front of everyone.

I wanted so badly to give this kid a free lollipop but I knew her mom would get mad. The girl sneezed. The mom said nothing, she was clearly still mad at her daughter. She didn't show concern, concern is apparently for the weak. The girl sneezed again and rubbed her nose. The mom said nothing again so I leaned over to the girl.

ME: [whispered] Bless you.

The little girl smiled.

Update: Gaythan

I had this theme from the movie "Up" stuck in my head.

My brass quintet had recently played this theme for an Alzheimer's clinic and it had not left my mind. I couldn't stop singing it at my register. When the lines were empty, I turned around and began to dance a waltz with Gaythan. We waltzed until a female customer came along. She smiled at us and we all laughed. After this customer left Gaythan turned to me.

GAYTHAN: I have never slow danced with anyone before. You are the first person I have ever slow danced with. Thank you.

It technically wasn't a slow dance, it was a waltz, but I'm sure that it was the closest thing to a slow dance Gaythan has ever had. I am pretty sure he knew he was gay shortly after birth. He probably didn't go to a high school where it was okay for boys to dance together at the prom. My heart melted.

ME: It was my honor. [I courtesied]


Buffalo Man

A man and his elderly father came through my line with a lot of produce. I grabbed a green bell pepper and I was about to enter the PLU code when the man became startled.

MAN: That's a pepper.
ME: I got it. [I smiled at him]

MAN: You'll have to forgive me. I'm jumpy. You can thank my horrible mother for that.

Damn. Horrible mother?

MAN: That woman put me and my brother and my dad through the worst time. Makes hell look like rest and relaxation. I used to like grapes but children stomp on them and treat the fruit with such disregard.

The father asked me to put the grapes at the top of the bag. He understood what his son was trying to say. This was no ordinary rant. The son had brain damage. I smiled at whatever the son said and tried often to steer the conversation in a more positive direction. He talked like Snaggle Puss which made it entertaining for me. He talked about how he was a miracle child because he was born in his parents' 40s.

ME: You are indeed a miracle child.
DAD: [looking at my name tag] Miranda. You have a pretty name.
SON: You have a pretty smile.

I wished them a nice day. I admired that father for taking care of his son. I hoped that everyone they meet would treat them well. People need to be treated with care.

All people.

Goodbye

It had been a while since I got to work in a register next to Hero, whose stolen sandwich launched the stingwich operation. It was poetic that he and I would be closing the store together, he was my favorite coworker. I had to explain to him too that I couldn't add him on Facebook yet, but that I would eventually. He asked me if I would eventually tell him why I couldn't add him right away. I told him I would explain. I trusted him more than my other coworkers to keep this blog a secret, but I didn't want to share it with him until it was done.

I bought dark chocolate covered almonds for the remaining cashiers and Banshee.  The store was pretty dead so we all chatted away. Banshee had educated me on "Dudism". A religion has apparently been built based on The Dude from "The Big Lebowski". Banshee told me that her husband is a Dudist priest. He marries people off in a bathrobe.

When the time came, I got goodbye hugs from Copycat and Gaythan. Hero and I chatted during downtimes to the end of our shift. I told him about how I got O.C.Daisy written up. He told me that Elvira had also been talking about me behind my back too.

HERO: She said, "Why would she get a job she hates? Why go through all the paperwork?"

When the hell did I say I hate this job? She hinted at my inconveniencing the management. There is no chain grocery store job  that doesn't have a turnover rate after summer...Elvira. Other than O.C.Daisy there was no one else at the store to whom I gave as much of the benefit of the doubt. She had nothing to gain from being so grumpy and bitchy to me. Part of me wanted to bake her a yellow cake and write "Cheer the fuck up" on it.

It was time to close. Hero let me walk out of the store first. I went into the office with Banshee to count down my till. I got her full name so I could add her on Facebook.

BANSHEE: I'm sad that you're leaving. All of the cool people are leaving! [Crazy Red Head Vegan] left, (Heartless) Lucy left and now you're leaving!

I was going to miss Banshee too. I was glad to see that she was going to be okay. After counting down my till, I stopped by to say goodbye to Emmy.

EMMY: Good luck with your new job! We want you to know that for whatever reason if you want to come back you are 100% rehireable!
ME: How is that possible?
EMMY: We like you!
ME: I like you guys too! Thanks!

I could not believe that I was rehireable. I was late enough times to be fired three times over. I'm glad my personality made up for that. I have never heard of a place this lenient. I gave Emmy a hug and then I walked up to a register 7 and 8 and picked up the phone to make the closing announcement before I walked out.

            Good evening customers. The time is 10PM and our store is now closed. Please make your final selections and bring them up to the front so you may be checked out. Our store opens tomorrow at 7AM. We hope to see you again and as always, thank you for shopping at...

Day Forty Six

Update: O.C.Daisy

I had a 12PM-8PM shift. It's an interesting shift to work because you are with all of the people who worked the early morning shifts. They are exhausted and they are counting the hours until they leave. The rest of your shift involves the exit of the tired morning people and the entrance of the well rested people who have afternoon shifts.

Today's A.M. crew included Mad Kathy, Cake Eyes, Klepto Sue and Elvira. Cake Eyes was the first person to go home. She went home with her usual giant bottles of chardonnay. Klepto Sue came to help bag groceries at the end of my register whenever it was slow. She is always good for conversation. Mad Kathy was tired and didn't talk a whole ton. I ignored Elvira, as I planned to for the rest of my time at the store. Being nice to her, like being nice to O.C.Daisy, was a waste of energy.

O.C.Daisy was the head cashier taking over for Banshee. Apparently Banshee had been gone for a few days and head cashiers have been taking over for her. She did look more pale than usual the last time I saw her. I hoped she was okay. O.C.Daisy walked up to the end of my register to help bag groceries.

DAISY: How are you doing?

I didn't respond. I was done hoping that Daisy would reveal a nicer version of herself. Mad Kathy asked me how I was doing. I told her I found out that my battery had died. Daisy was listening to our conversation.

DAISY: Awwww!
ME: [verbally snapped] Don't act like you're concerned.
DAISY: What?

I hated myself for being mean. I have nothing to gain from being so pissed off at OCD. Being angry never hurts the the one you're angry at as much as it hurts you. Who said that? The Dalai Lama? Damn you and all your truth, Dalai. I needed to get this off my chest so I went straight to Grumpy Gill's office.

ME: Gill, I'm sure you're busy, but if you have a moment today may we talk?
GILL: We can talk now, come on in.

I was nervous. What does the shitty, late-all-of-the-time employee say to convince the general manager that a head cashier needs correcting?

ME: Before I say anything I would like to say that I am aware that I am not always the best employee. I am am totally aware of that. I am also aware that I am leaving and that nothing I say is going to really matter but I feel that I need to say something.
GILL: I actually think you're a great employee.
ME: Really? (Seriously, what?)
GILL: Yeah! I have seen you interact with your customers. You are great with them. I couldn't ask for more.
ME: I'm not a model cashier.
GILL: Sure, there are things to work on, but you know. What did you want to say?

I had to stop being shocked at his assessment of me so I could tell him why I was there. I told him about how Daisy talked about me behind my back to Gaythan. He said Emmy had let him know what happened (Yes. Good job Emmy.) He told me that the managers would address the problem. It wasn't about me anymore. I didn't want any of my coworkers to hate this job because they had a mean, two-faced head cashier, talking shit about people to their friends and making the working environment unpleasant. I didn't mention how fake she seems, how bad her hair looks or how toothless people have no business insulting others. I thanked Gill for listening to me. I told him how much I appreciated working at this store all summer.

GILL: I knew you had to go. You are highly over-qualified for this job, we get that. We were glad to have you.
ME: It isn't about qualifications. This is a great job for people who have the capacity to enjoy it. I'm glad I got to work for a team of managers that like the company they work for. It made this job more fun to do.
GILL: Thank you.
ME: I loved the customers. I love people. I like to write a lot and I wrote a lot of my customer interactions down in prose.
GILL: Really? I would love to read that.
ME: Sure! I will send you some excerpts.

I really will send him a few excerpts. I think I will be leaving out the ones where he is called Grumpy Gill, and anything about the stingwich. I think I will just send him entries about the kids and the old people.

Day Forty Five

Party

I got invited to two parties today. The first invitation was from Klepto Sue for a party on Saturday. She told me that there would be spiked punch and jello shots. I imagined that everyone would be ten years younger than me with no ambitions or intelligent things to say. That's a terrible thing to assume. I told her I couldn't because I had to wake up at 6am the next morning to sing at a church service. The good thing about my not being able to make it is while Klepto Sue is nice to me and we laugh at work, I didn't feel inclined to know her in a greater capacity than being her coworker. I didn't want her to give me a reason to not like her. I felt it was a good decision.

Jacob, one of my favorite gays at the store invited me to another party on Saturday as well. This one I would have definitely attended if it would have started earlier than 11pm. I gave him the same excuse as Klepto Sue. Two party invites. I felt cool and accepted. Then I laughed at myself for having such high school sentiments.

Herb

A guy walked up to my register in baggy clothing and a backwards cap.


GUY: Dude, is this herbal?
ME: That is a honey stick. I'm not sure about herbs but I hear that local honey is good for allergies.

The guy laughed EXACTLY like Butthead.

GUY: Okay, I'll take two. [still laughing]

After I gave him a total of 67 cents he reached into one of his baggy pockets and pulled out a GIANT folded wad of cash. It barely fit in his hand. He flipped through several bills to find a one dollar bill and then handed it to me.

ME: [after handing him his receipt] Have a nice day!
GUY: I will now! [waving the honey sticks in the air]

I'm sure he was stoned, but he was cartoonishly stoned. Gaythan witnessed this with me.

ME: He acted like the actors you see on anti-marijuana commercials before they do something outlandishly uncharacteristic, like run over a little girl on a bike.
GAYTHAN: And the huge wad of cash? What was that all about?
ME: Maybe he is on his way to a strip club.
GAYTHAN: Maybe he is the worst drug dealer ever and he was actually trying to sell you something.
ME:"Herbal" was code for "I have weed"? That would be so confusing in a grocery store.
GAYTHAN: Do dealers even speak in code?
ME: I would imagine they make literal conversation when they meet clients in dark alleys.
GAYTHAN: Yes, because all drugs are purchased in dark alleys.
ME: Maybe our transaction was part of a sting operation and the "dealer" is a rookie cop, unlikely to catch anyone.
GAYTHAN: The possibilities are endless.

Rogue Corn

I was bagging several ears of corn for a male customer when the bag split and all six ears of corn fell to my feet. I'm glad he laughed about it.

MAN: The corn is saying [in a high pitched voice] 'don't eat meeeee!!'

This made me laugh so hard. I immediately pictured six ears of corn with feet running away for fear of their lives. I gave the man his total and continued to laugh.

ME: I'm sorry I have to draw for you what I am seeing in my head.

The woman who was next in line looked unhappy and shook her head.

WOMAN: You know, I don't really have time for this.
ME: Ma'am. I am waiting for this credit card reading to be complete. By drawing this corn, I am not taking any time away from your transaction. I promise.

She shut up and rightly so. It took me no more than 10 seconds to draw the following:

Update: O.C.Daisy

The store was kind of empty. I asked Daisy if I could go use the restroom. She said it was okay so I walked off, leaving Gaythan and Daisy standing at our register. When I came back, Gaythan told me what Daisy said under her breath as I was walking away.


GAYTHAN: She said,  "I'm glad she is leaving cause I'm sick of her attitude."

That BITCH.

That was it. I was officially sick of O.C.Daisy's two-faced bullshit. I walked over to Emmy, the manager on duty. I asked her if we could talk in the office. I explained to her what Daisy said. I explained that Daisy ruins what would otherwise be a pleasant working environment with her shit talking and her fake niceties. She put another coworker of mine in an uncomfortable situation by talking shit about me. I admitted to Emmy that I turned in my two week notice early because I found out that Daisy was promoted.

EMMY: That's so weird. She has always been nice to me.
ME: Of course she has been to you, you're her boss!
EMMY: Maybe she was mad because you did come in here and you learned everything really fast.
ME: I don't care why she hates me. She can hate me all she wants as long as she cooperates in making this a nice place to work. She has failed to do that several times and I have kept my mouth shut about it. I know I'm leaving and that nothing I say matters, but I don't think she has any business being a head cashier because she is an awful person and none of the younger employees respect her!

I got quiet. Emmy acknowledged what I said. She said it might be tough to do anything because Gaythan would have to be the witness and file a report. Gaythan told me he didn't want to be involved in any drama because he has to continue working there, unlike me. I didn't blame him. I didn't expect that Emmy would say anything to the other managers. I decided I would talk to Grumpy Gill the next day I work. He is the man in charge after all. It may get nothing accomplished but I will speak my mind. I am no longer going to give O.C.Daisy the benefit of the doubt.

Day Thirty Two

Update: Cake Eyes

I came into work lacking the usual amount of energy to give half of a damn.  I needed coffee. I found as many excuses as I could to return unwanted grocery items so that I could drink a ton of coffee samples. Everytime I left my register I got the stink-eye from Cake Eyes. I later observed her interactions with her customers. She was so sweet and personable. It seemed genuine. It didn't make sense that she hated me so much.

After her shift was over, Cake Eyes came through my line. She purchased two huge bottles of wine and some dog treats.

ME: Dog treats! What kind of dogs do you have?
CAKE EYES: Husky mixes.
ME: How pretty! I have mixes too.
CAKE EYES: What kind?
ME: A lab mix and a German shepherd mix. They were rescues.
CAKE EYES: Mine were adopted too. It is the right thing to do.

I handed her receipt over, she smiled and said goodbye. Did our bonding over dogs make her hate me less? Could this be peace at last? I sure hope so.

Miranda & the Gang

An elderly lady came through my line with three young girls. The oldest of the little girls moved ahead of her sisters to stand infront of me. She pointed at my name tag.

LITTLE GIRL: My name is Miranda too!
ME:  [Gasp!] That means you are also awesome!
MIRANDA: Uh huh! [she nodded]

I asked the usual round of questions I ask little kids in the summer. What grade are you in? Do you miss school? What's your favorite subject? What is the most fun thing you have done all summer? While they talked I noticed Miranda's freckles. What an adorable kid! She could land her own Disney show if she wanted.

ME: I love your freckles!
[Miranda sinks, her smile disappeared]
GRANDMOTHER: She doesn't like her freckles.
ME: Pish posh!  Freckles are the stars in the sky that fall to rest on your face! I WISH I had freckles like that!
[Miranda smiles again, shyly]
GRANDMOTHER: [in a whisper] Thank you!

I hope this little girl one day understands how pretty those freckles are. That goes for all kids with freckles. I get freckles of sorts every now and then but they are not the cute kind.

Crazy Red Head Vegan

CRV is sad...again.

I had a boost of energy from drinking a ton of coffee samples, which may have added up to a few ounces past insomnia. Having decided to use this extra energy to cheer CRV up, I walked over to bag her customer's groceries. I made a huge deal out of everything she handed me.

ME: Hold the phone...are these THE Sprouts dried cranberries?
ME: Chocolate covered banana chips?! Shut the front door!
CRV: You're a silly girl.

A half smile. Success. O.C. Daisy was working nearby and she grumbled something to CRV about some code or protocol. I was not paying attention since I tend to zone out when OCD speaks ogre. CRV's frown returned.

ME: Don't let her bother you. [I pointed to OCD, who's back was turned at the moment] It is a curse to be like her, do you understand? A curse.
[CRV nods]
ME: Let her be like that. [I made a showcasing gesture, ala Vanna White] Be happy that you are nothing like this.

CRV agreed. She resumed her work in what seemed to be a better mood. My work here was done.

Gaythan

One of the new cashiers that OCD trained the other day introduced himself to me. His name was Nathan. He used to be a manager at a Food Lion in Virginia. Everything he said began with, "When I worked at Food Lion...(bla bla bla)" That is what people do when transfer from another place (same with people in new jobs and new schools) The repetitive nature of that kind of phrase often goes unnoticed by the storyteller. Food Lion tales aside, Nathan seemed like a cool guy and he was very cute. He was, as Karen Walker from Will & Grace would say, "Gayer than a clutch purse at the Tony Awards,"  and he became very comfortable with me very quickly. I do love the gays. We will be sure to check out guys together.

Regifter-in-law

ME: Hi! How is your day going?
WOMAN: [sigh]
ME: That good, huh?
WOMAN: I have to cook dinner for my husband's mother.
ME: Ah, classic 'in-law' tension.
WOMAN: She hates me.
ME: That can't be true.
WOMAN: She got a free robe from a spa she went to and gave it to me for Christmas, after she had already shown me the robe before.
ME: Yikes. Her gifts to other people?
WOMAN: Thoughtful.
ME: Unacceptable. If I despised my daughter-in-law, I would never send her a regift. I may not spend much on her, but I wouldn't regift. That is rude on too obvious a level. I wouldn't want my family to actually KNOW I hated her.

I realized those words were not comforting. I urged her to drink a glass of wine before her mother-in-law arrived. She went to the back of the store to grab a cabernet sauvignon.

Old Man #8

ME: Hi there!
OLD MAN: No I'm not!

Richard Gere: Part Two

Richard Gere came into my line. YESSS....

RG: Hello!
ME: Hi! How are you doing today?
RG: Good. Just buying more vegetables. I'm doing a juice fast.
ME: Healthy.
RG: Trying to be.

So far so good.

RG: So, do you...do you play the trumpet?

...and STOP. How the fuck does this guy know that I play the trumpet?! I didn't respond right away.

ME: Uh...
RG: Do you know Lisa?
ME: Oh my god. Tom!
RG: Yeah, it's me!
ME: I played trumpet and sang at your wedding! I didn't recognize you at all! (They divorced a year ago)
RG: Yeah, well my hair is grey.
ME: The beard is gone too, huh?
RG: Yeah. Do you talk to Lisa anymore?
ME: No. (That was a lie)
RG: Melody?
ME: I don't keep in touch with any of those girls anymore. (Also a lie)
RG: Oh well. It's good to see you, I'll see you around!
ME: Yeah! Take care!

Tom walked away as I held back my vomit. Tom was married to my friend Lisa for several years. Toward the end of their marriage Lisa found out that Tom was soliciting sex to strangers and prostitutes. She found emails. It was horrifying. She had to undergo tests to make sure she didn't have a disease. I can't imagine how much therapy this whole thing required. This man that she thought was the love of her life was SCUM. It was such a horrible ordeal and here this guy is, acting like he doesn't know who I am when he knew EXACTLY who I was. I had visited the home of him and his ex-wife tons of times in the past and I look exactly the same as when he last saw me those years ago. I later found out that he had been trying to contact Lisa, trying to find excuses to see her. I am SO glad I lied. Gross.


Update: Banshee

I noticed that OCD was called into the office with our general manager for a meeting. I wondered what it was and I was scared that it involved promotion. Banshee later informed me that employees had started complaining to the GM about the older lady cashiers ruining everyone's employment experience with their grumbling and old lady ways. Specifically, they were making the younger employees feel uncomfortable by insulting fellow co-workers on a regular basis. That is why OCD was called in. Apparently, Cake Eyes was called out by our GM in a similar meeting earlier that day.

Banshee had instilled a new "No Shit Talking" rule. If any employees are caught talking shit about a fellow employee, they are to be reported. The infraction will result in an instant write up.

Ah...JUSTICE.