Update: The Infamous Patti
I came to work with a container full of organic cherry tomatoes from my garden. I brought them for Patti because I told her I would bring her some before my last day. I found out that she went to the hospital last night because there was something wrong with her pancreas. She would be released from the hospital today but would have to stay home for a few days. I was glad Patti was okay but I was a little sad that I didn't get to give her a proper goodbye.
Update: Cake Eyes & Klepto Sue
Cake Eyes worked in the register next to me for the first two hours of my shift. She didn't say a word to me the entire time. I didn't care. I was happy to see her replaced by Klepto Sue. Sue is more fun to talk to. I asked Sue if she would like to try the cherry tomatoes that I brought. She scooped up half the harvest into her hands and put them in her lunch bag.
SUE: Thank you!
This was my fault. I should have said, "Would you like to try ONE?" That last time I was this unclear, three trick-or-treaters took out 2/3 of the candy bowl on Halloween.
I noticed that Sue has become comfortable with some of the female cashiers. We could tell because she has begun to bump hips with all of us. Also, for whatever reason, she was slapping everyone on the butt today. I guess some people do it as a sign of comradery or affirmation like in the NBA, but I didn't care for it. I stood sideways so that I could keep Sue in my peripheral and avoid any hand-to-butt contact.
Brat
A man walked up followed by his daughter who had her hands cupped together. He turned around and looked at his daughter, puzzled.
MAN: What's that in your hand?
GIRL: Daddy, it's just a little bit.
MAN: We are not getting that.
GIRL: Yes we are. [she walked in front of her dad and placed a little bag of chocolate covered nuts on the belt]
MAN: [In an angry whisper] You pick those up right now and put them back!
I thought I saw fire come out of his eyes. This was a teaching moment that I didn't want to interrupt. The little girl pushed her father aside, grunted, and stomped back to the bulk section. Thankfully she didn't actually empty the chocolate back into the bin, she just placed the bag nearby. She walked over to the door and stood fuming with crossed arms. The dad apologized to me. I thought nothing of it. I have seen some parents publicly spank their kids into submission. It seemed that he would correct the situation at home instead of in a public place. Smart man.
Update: Elvira
I was walking back from taking a break when I found out I would be working next to Elvira. I took my till to my register.
ME: Hello!
ELVIRA: Ugh, you? You give me a headache.
ME: Likewise.
ELVIRA: You talk too much.
At first I thought she was joking. Then it didn't seem so. There was only one thing to do...be annoyingly talkative with other people around Elvira at a higher than normal volume level.
Ew...
A mom and her young daughter walked up to my line. This girl looked like Punky Brewster, freckles, pigtails and colorful clothes. The girl fixed her eyes upon the organic lollipop container.
GIRL: Mom! Can I have one of these! It says they're free!
ME & MOM: No they're not. [in unison]
GIRL: It says something free!
I laughed.
ME: It says that the lollipops are gluten-free.
GIRL: [her eyes widened] Gluten?! Ew...
MOM: Honey, gluten is in everything you eat.
The misinformed girl's face turned disgusted and mistrusting. "Gluten" does sound like it could be something gross. I offered her a free lollipop for the laugh.
GIRL: I'll pass. [she dramatically waved her hand in rejection]
Update: Banshee
Banshee stood at the end of my register to help bag groceries.
BANSHEE: Hey there.
ME: Hey. How are you?
BANSHEE: You know, I feel better today than I have in a while.
She told me all about what happened. She did have an IUD. Somehow she got pregnant and with what was essentially half of a baby. She recounted the graphic details of what happened. Doctors couldn't figure out what happened. It was a painful ordeal to bring her back to health and she was still stumped as to what happened. We didn't talk about it long.
I noticed her tattoo on her arm. It was the insignia from Star Trek.
ME: Are you a Trekkie?
BANSHEE: Very much so.
She told me about how she met Patrick Stewart at Comic Con and how she burst into tears at the sight of him. She grew up watching Star Trek with her dad. It was how they connected. When she watches the show she thinks of her father.
We eventually talked about what she missed while she was gone. I told her that her "No Shit Talking Rule" had done a bunk since O.C.Daisy was likely to get away with talking shit about me.
BANSHEE: Oh, so that's why she got a write-up.
ME: What?
BANSHEE: Daisy got a write-up.
ME: No fucking way. The system works?
BANSHEE: Yup, and head cashiers only get a first and final warning. Then after that you're fired.
Wow.
I couldn't believe that anything I said made any difference at all. I was really proud of my managers for hearing me out.
There goes my peace with Daisy.
Showing posts with label Klepto Sue. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Klepto Sue. Show all posts
Friday, January 25, 2013
Day Forty Eight
Hot Commodity
One of the worst first world problems you can have in Texas is having the A/C in your car break down in the summer. Add to that the fact that my car has a black leather interior (I bought the car in the winter, it was a great idea then). The temperature was above 100 degrees outside, a sweltering heat that my car welcomed in with open...doors. After 30 minutes of driving I was drenched in sweat. I walked in the office and asked my manager if I could buy another ugly green t-shirt. Grumpy Gill gave me one for free. That was very nice of him. Before changing I stepped into the walk-in freezer and remained there for six minutes to dry off. Then I clocked in, on time.
[hold for applause]
Update: Banshee
Banshee came back to work today. Her stomach was flat and she looked more like when I first met her. It was so sad to see. I didn't want to bother her about what happened. I figured if she wanted to talk about it, she would.
As my shift went on, I found that Banshee would walk by me just as I would say the absolute WRONG thing to a customer.
EXAMPLE NO. 1
A little boy strolled up to my line in the grocery cart his mom was pushing. He would hand me items and I would scan them. I tried to scan something that required a code and my register all but screamed at me.
ME: Bugger!
BOY: Buggaahhhh!
He was at that age where you have to be extremely careful about what you say. The mom laughed. We gabbed about babies and I told the woman that I wasn't allowed to buy anything baby-related for a month because I kept wanting to buy all of Target's baby section.
WOMAN: Why?
ME: My nephew will be born in a month. I can't stop buying every cute thing I see.
WOMAN: That's what nephews do to aunties.
ME: He's not even born yet and I'm a shopaholic.
...and Banshee walks by. Damn it.
EXAMPLE NO. 2
A male customer walked up to my register.
ME: How are you doing today?
MAN: [grumbles irritatedly]
ME: Okay, bad day...Forget I asked! Abort!
...and Banshee walks by. Damn it. I'm such an ass.
She-Wolf
A girl came into my line with a face fully painted like a wolf. She growled and pretended to chew on all of the grocery items her mom put on my belt. I noticed that she picked up carrots.
ME: I have never heard of a wolf that like carrots.
MOM: This wolf is a vegetarian.
GIRL: [still speaking like a growling wolf] I'm gonna eat these carrots like Bugs Bunny!
Although unrelated to her looking like a wolf, I was elated that she even knows who Bugs Bunny is. That meant so many things, the best of which being that she is being exposed to some classical music! Wagner! Rossini! Mozart!
ME: Good wolf. Watch all the Bugs Bunny you can, especially the older ones. Okay?
GIRL: Rowr!!
ME: Is that a yes?
Snob Daughter
I was honestly not paying much attention to this customer because she was plainly cordial like many of the customers I don't write about. This was until her daughter walked up wanting to buy something.
GIRL: Can I get this?
MOM: No.
GIRL: Are you serious? You are getting all of this other junk food but you will not spare $1.79 for a bag of seaweed chips?
MOM: [no response]
GIRL: Hello?!
MOM:[no response]
It was all I could do to not give that mom a high five right there. Again, once upon a time, I was that snotty daughter disrespectfully requesting food items from my mom at checkout. My mom was her mom. My mom did the right thing as this mom did. I have to make a point of calling my mom to thank her for saying, "No." Hopefully that daughter will thank her mom one day too.
New Blood
Two new cashiers were in training. This store is ready for me to go! I went over to bag groceries for one of them. The cashier I was helping scanned a few items for a customer, then stopped every once in a while to find PLU codes. When she couldn't find a code she asked me for help. I then found myself giving her code after code without her asking for help, like a nervous tick I couldn't get rid of. I had to stop myself!
ME: I'm so sorry. It is easier for you to memorize codes by looking them up over and over, so I'm going to shut up now.
CASHIER: [laughs] Thanks.
Ugh. I'm glad that I remembered that what seems helpful isn't helpful at all in this situation. The two new girls are nice. I forgot their names already. If they do anything of note in my last two days, they will at least get a nickname.
Old Man #13
An old man was about to walk into Klepto Sue's line when he saw that my line was empty. Sue was finishing up with a customer.
OLD MAN: [walking over to me] I'm going to go to the friendliest cashier here!
ME: How do you know I am friendly?
OLD MAN: Because you talk to me. You ask me questions.
ME: Oh! So how is your day going?
OLD MAN: That's the kind of thing you say!
One of the worst first world problems you can have in Texas is having the A/C in your car break down in the summer. Add to that the fact that my car has a black leather interior (I bought the car in the winter, it was a great idea then). The temperature was above 100 degrees outside, a sweltering heat that my car welcomed in with open...doors. After 30 minutes of driving I was drenched in sweat. I walked in the office and asked my manager if I could buy another ugly green t-shirt. Grumpy Gill gave me one for free. That was very nice of him. Before changing I stepped into the walk-in freezer and remained there for six minutes to dry off. Then I clocked in, on time.
[hold for applause]
Update: Banshee
Banshee came back to work today. Her stomach was flat and she looked more like when I first met her. It was so sad to see. I didn't want to bother her about what happened. I figured if she wanted to talk about it, she would.
As my shift went on, I found that Banshee would walk by me just as I would say the absolute WRONG thing to a customer.
EXAMPLE NO. 1
A little boy strolled up to my line in the grocery cart his mom was pushing. He would hand me items and I would scan them. I tried to scan something that required a code and my register all but screamed at me.
ME: Bugger!
BOY: Buggaahhhh!
He was at that age where you have to be extremely careful about what you say. The mom laughed. We gabbed about babies and I told the woman that I wasn't allowed to buy anything baby-related for a month because I kept wanting to buy all of Target's baby section.
WOMAN: Why?
ME: My nephew will be born in a month. I can't stop buying every cute thing I see.
WOMAN: That's what nephews do to aunties.
ME: He's not even born yet and I'm a shopaholic.
...and Banshee walks by. Damn it.
EXAMPLE NO. 2
A male customer walked up to my register.
ME: How are you doing today?
MAN: [grumbles irritatedly]
ME: Okay, bad day...Forget I asked! Abort!
...and Banshee walks by. Damn it. I'm such an ass.
She-Wolf
A girl came into my line with a face fully painted like a wolf. She growled and pretended to chew on all of the grocery items her mom put on my belt. I noticed that she picked up carrots.
ME: I have never heard of a wolf that like carrots.
MOM: This wolf is a vegetarian.
GIRL: [still speaking like a growling wolf] I'm gonna eat these carrots like Bugs Bunny!
Although unrelated to her looking like a wolf, I was elated that she even knows who Bugs Bunny is. That meant so many things, the best of which being that she is being exposed to some classical music! Wagner! Rossini! Mozart!
ME: Good wolf. Watch all the Bugs Bunny you can, especially the older ones. Okay?
GIRL: Rowr!!
ME: Is that a yes?
Snob Daughter
I was honestly not paying much attention to this customer because she was plainly cordial like many of the customers I don't write about. This was until her daughter walked up wanting to buy something.
GIRL: Can I get this?
MOM: No.
GIRL: Are you serious? You are getting all of this other junk food but you will not spare $1.79 for a bag of seaweed chips?
MOM: [no response]
GIRL: Hello?!
MOM:[no response]
It was all I could do to not give that mom a high five right there. Again, once upon a time, I was that snotty daughter disrespectfully requesting food items from my mom at checkout. My mom was her mom. My mom did the right thing as this mom did. I have to make a point of calling my mom to thank her for saying, "No." Hopefully that daughter will thank her mom one day too.
New Blood
Two new cashiers were in training. This store is ready for me to go! I went over to bag groceries for one of them. The cashier I was helping scanned a few items for a customer, then stopped every once in a while to find PLU codes. When she couldn't find a code she asked me for help. I then found myself giving her code after code without her asking for help, like a nervous tick I couldn't get rid of. I had to stop myself!
ME: I'm so sorry. It is easier for you to memorize codes by looking them up over and over, so I'm going to shut up now.
CASHIER: [laughs] Thanks.
Ugh. I'm glad that I remembered that what seems helpful isn't helpful at all in this situation. The two new girls are nice. I forgot their names already. If they do anything of note in my last two days, they will at least get a nickname.
Old Man #13
An old man was about to walk into Klepto Sue's line when he saw that my line was empty. Sue was finishing up with a customer.
OLD MAN: [walking over to me] I'm going to go to the friendliest cashier here!
ME: How do you know I am friendly?
OLD MAN: Because you talk to me. You ask me questions.
ME: Oh! So how is your day going?
OLD MAN: That's the kind of thing you say!
Saturday, January 19, 2013
Day Forty Six
Update: O.C.Daisy
I had a 12PM-8PM shift. It's an interesting shift to work because you are with all of the people who worked the early morning shifts. They are exhausted and they are counting the hours until they leave. The rest of your shift involves the exit of the tired morning people and the entrance of the well rested people who have afternoon shifts.
Today's A.M. crew included Mad Kathy, Cake Eyes, Klepto Sue and Elvira. Cake Eyes was the first person to go home. She went home with her usual giant bottles of chardonnay. Klepto Sue came to help bag groceries at the end of my register whenever it was slow. She is always good for conversation. Mad Kathy was tired and didn't talk a whole ton. I ignored Elvira, as I planned to for the rest of my time at the store. Being nice to her, like being nice to O.C.Daisy, was a waste of energy.
O.C.Daisy was the head cashier taking over for Banshee. Apparently Banshee had been gone for a few days and head cashiers have been taking over for her. She did look more pale than usual the last time I saw her. I hoped she was okay. O.C.Daisy walked up to the end of my register to help bag groceries.
DAISY: How are you doing?
I didn't respond. I was done hoping that Daisy would reveal a nicer version of herself. Mad Kathy asked me how I was doing. I told her I found out that my battery had died. Daisy was listening to our conversation.
DAISY: Awwww!
ME: [verbally snapped] Don't act like you're concerned.
DAISY: What?
I hated myself for being mean. I have nothing to gain from being so pissed off at OCD. Being angry never hurts the the one you're angry at as much as it hurts you. Who said that? The Dalai Lama? Damn you and all your truth, Dalai. I needed to get this off my chest so I went straight to Grumpy Gill's office.
ME: Gill, I'm sure you're busy, but if you have a moment today may we talk?
GILL: We can talk now, come on in.
I was nervous. What does the shitty, late-all-of-the-time employee say to convince the general manager that a head cashier needs correcting?
ME: Before I say anything I would like to say that I am aware that I am not always the best employee. I am am totally aware of that. I am also aware that I am leaving and that nothing I say is going to really matter but I feel that I need to say something.
GILL: I actually think you're a great employee.
ME: Really? (Seriously, what?)
GILL: Yeah! I have seen you interact with your customers. You are great with them. I couldn't ask for more.
ME: I'm not a model cashier.
GILL: Sure, there are things to work on, but you know. What did you want to say?
I had to stop being shocked at his assessment of me so I could tell him why I was there. I told him about how Daisy talked about me behind my back to Gaythan. He said Emmy had let him know what happened (Yes. Good job Emmy.) He told me that the managers would address the problem. It wasn't about me anymore. I didn't want any of my coworkers to hate this job because they had a mean, two-faced head cashier, talking shit about people to their friends and making the working environment unpleasant. I didn't mention how fake she seems, how bad her hair looks or how toothless people have no business insulting others. I thanked Gill for listening to me. I told him how much I appreciated working at this store all summer.
GILL: I knew you had to go. You are highly over-qualified for this job, we get that. We were glad to have you.
ME: It isn't about qualifications. This is a great job for people who have the capacity to enjoy it. I'm glad I got to work for a team of managers that like the company they work for. It made this job more fun to do.
GILL: Thank you.
ME: I loved the customers. I love people. I like to write a lot and I wrote a lot of my customer interactions down in prose.
GILL: Really? I would love to read that.
ME: Sure! I will send you some excerpts.
I really will send him a few excerpts. I think I will be leaving out the ones where he is called Grumpy Gill, and anything about the stingwich. I think I will just send him entries about the kids and the old people.
I had a 12PM-8PM shift. It's an interesting shift to work because you are with all of the people who worked the early morning shifts. They are exhausted and they are counting the hours until they leave. The rest of your shift involves the exit of the tired morning people and the entrance of the well rested people who have afternoon shifts.
Today's A.M. crew included Mad Kathy, Cake Eyes, Klepto Sue and Elvira. Cake Eyes was the first person to go home. She went home with her usual giant bottles of chardonnay. Klepto Sue came to help bag groceries at the end of my register whenever it was slow. She is always good for conversation. Mad Kathy was tired and didn't talk a whole ton. I ignored Elvira, as I planned to for the rest of my time at the store. Being nice to her, like being nice to O.C.Daisy, was a waste of energy.
O.C.Daisy was the head cashier taking over for Banshee. Apparently Banshee had been gone for a few days and head cashiers have been taking over for her. She did look more pale than usual the last time I saw her. I hoped she was okay. O.C.Daisy walked up to the end of my register to help bag groceries.
DAISY: How are you doing?
I didn't respond. I was done hoping that Daisy would reveal a nicer version of herself. Mad Kathy asked me how I was doing. I told her I found out that my battery had died. Daisy was listening to our conversation.
DAISY: Awwww!
ME: [verbally snapped] Don't act like you're concerned.
DAISY: What?
I hated myself for being mean. I have nothing to gain from being so pissed off at OCD. Being angry never hurts the the one you're angry at as much as it hurts you. Who said that? The Dalai Lama? Damn you and all your truth, Dalai. I needed to get this off my chest so I went straight to Grumpy Gill's office.
ME: Gill, I'm sure you're busy, but if you have a moment today may we talk?
GILL: We can talk now, come on in.
I was nervous. What does the shitty, late-all-of-the-time employee say to convince the general manager that a head cashier needs correcting?
ME: Before I say anything I would like to say that I am aware that I am not always the best employee. I am am totally aware of that. I am also aware that I am leaving and that nothing I say is going to really matter but I feel that I need to say something.
GILL: I actually think you're a great employee.
ME: Really? (Seriously, what?)
GILL: Yeah! I have seen you interact with your customers. You are great with them. I couldn't ask for more.
ME: I'm not a model cashier.
GILL: Sure, there are things to work on, but you know. What did you want to say?
I had to stop being shocked at his assessment of me so I could tell him why I was there. I told him about how Daisy talked about me behind my back to Gaythan. He said Emmy had let him know what happened (Yes. Good job Emmy.) He told me that the managers would address the problem. It wasn't about me anymore. I didn't want any of my coworkers to hate this job because they had a mean, two-faced head cashier, talking shit about people to their friends and making the working environment unpleasant. I didn't mention how fake she seems, how bad her hair looks or how toothless people have no business insulting others. I thanked Gill for listening to me. I told him how much I appreciated working at this store all summer.
GILL: I knew you had to go. You are highly over-qualified for this job, we get that. We were glad to have you.
ME: It isn't about qualifications. This is a great job for people who have the capacity to enjoy it. I'm glad I got to work for a team of managers that like the company they work for. It made this job more fun to do.
GILL: Thank you.
ME: I loved the customers. I love people. I like to write a lot and I wrote a lot of my customer interactions down in prose.
GILL: Really? I would love to read that.
ME: Sure! I will send you some excerpts.
I really will send him a few excerpts. I think I will be leaving out the ones where he is called Grumpy Gill, and anything about the stingwich. I think I will just send him entries about the kids and the old people.
Friday, January 18, 2013
Day Forty Five
Party
I got invited to two parties today. The first invitation was from Klepto Sue for a party on Saturday. She told me that there would be spiked punch and jello shots. I imagined that everyone would be ten years younger than me with no ambitions or intelligent things to say. That's a terrible thing to assume. I told her I couldn't because I had to wake up at 6am the next morning to sing at a church service. The good thing about my not being able to make it is while Klepto Sue is nice to me and we laugh at work, I didn't feel inclined to know her in a greater capacity than being her coworker. I didn't want her to give me a reason to not like her. I felt it was a good decision.
Jacob, one of my favorite gays at the store invited me to another party on Saturday as well. This one I would have definitely attended if it would have started earlier than 11pm. I gave him the same excuse as Klepto Sue. Two party invites. I felt cool and accepted. Then I laughed at myself for having such high school sentiments.
Herb
A guy walked up to my register in baggy clothing and a backwards cap.
GUY: Dude, is this herbal?
ME: That is a honey stick. I'm not sure about herbs but I hear that local honey is good for allergies.
The guy laughed EXACTLY like Butthead.
GUY: Okay, I'll take two. [still laughing]
After I gave him a total of 67 cents he reached into one of his baggy pockets and pulled out a GIANT folded wad of cash. It barely fit in his hand. He flipped through several bills to find a one dollar bill and then handed it to me.
ME: [after handing him his receipt] Have a nice day!
GUY: I will now! [waving the honey sticks in the air]
I'm sure he was stoned, but he was cartoonishly stoned. Gaythan witnessed this with me.
ME: He acted like the actors you see on anti-marijuana commercials before they do something outlandishly uncharacteristic, like run over a little girl on a bike.
GAYTHAN: And the huge wad of cash? What was that all about?
ME: Maybe he is on his way to a strip club.
GAYTHAN: Maybe he is the worst drug dealer ever and he was actually trying to sell you something.
ME:"Herbal" was code for "I have weed"? That would be so confusing in a grocery store.
GAYTHAN: Do dealers even speak in code?
ME: I would imagine they make literal conversation when they meet clients in dark alleys.
GAYTHAN: Yes, because all drugs are purchased in dark alleys.
ME: Maybe our transaction was part of a sting operation and the "dealer" is a rookie cop, unlikely to catch anyone.
GAYTHAN: The possibilities are endless.
Rogue Corn
I was bagging several ears of corn for a male customer when the bag split and all six ears of corn fell to my feet. I'm glad he laughed about it.
MAN: The corn is saying [in a high pitched voice] 'don't eat meeeee!!'
This made me laugh so hard. I immediately pictured six ears of corn with feet running away for fear of their lives. I gave the man his total and continued to laugh.
ME: I'm sorry I have to draw for you what I am seeing in my head.
The woman who was next in line looked unhappy and shook her head.
WOMAN: You know, I don't really have time for this.
ME: Ma'am. I am waiting for this credit card reading to be complete. By drawing this corn, I am not taking any time away from your transaction. I promise.
She shut up and rightly so. It took me no more than 10 seconds to draw the following:
Update: O.C.Daisy
The store was kind of empty. I asked Daisy if I could go use the restroom. She said it was okay so I walked off, leaving Gaythan and Daisy standing at our register. When I came back, Gaythan told me what Daisy said under her breath as I was walking away.
GAYTHAN: She said, "I'm glad she is leaving cause I'm sick of her attitude."
That BITCH.
That was it. I was officially sick of O.C.Daisy's two-faced bullshit. I walked over to Emmy, the manager on duty. I asked her if we could talk in the office. I explained to her what Daisy said. I explained that Daisy ruins what would otherwise be a pleasant working environment with her shit talking and her fake niceties. She put another coworker of mine in an uncomfortable situation by talking shit about me. I admitted to Emmy that I turned in my two week notice early because I found out that Daisy was promoted.
EMMY: That's so weird. She has always been nice to me.
ME: Of course she has been to you, you're her boss!
EMMY: Maybe she was mad because you did come in here and you learned everything really fast.
ME: I don't care why she hates me. She can hate me all she wants as long as she cooperates in making this a nice place to work. She has failed to do that several times and I have kept my mouth shut about it. I know I'm leaving and that nothing I say matters, but I don't think she has any business being a head cashier because she is an awful person and none of the younger employees respect her!
I got quiet. Emmy acknowledged what I said. She said it might be tough to do anything because Gaythan would have to be the witness and file a report. Gaythan told me he didn't want to be involved in any drama because he has to continue working there, unlike me. I didn't blame him. I didn't expect that Emmy would say anything to the other managers. I decided I would talk to Grumpy Gill the next day I work. He is the man in charge after all. It may get nothing accomplished but I will speak my mind. I am no longer going to give O.C.Daisy the benefit of the doubt.
I got invited to two parties today. The first invitation was from Klepto Sue for a party on Saturday. She told me that there would be spiked punch and jello shots. I imagined that everyone would be ten years younger than me with no ambitions or intelligent things to say. That's a terrible thing to assume. I told her I couldn't because I had to wake up at 6am the next morning to sing at a church service. The good thing about my not being able to make it is while Klepto Sue is nice to me and we laugh at work, I didn't feel inclined to know her in a greater capacity than being her coworker. I didn't want her to give me a reason to not like her. I felt it was a good decision.
Jacob, one of my favorite gays at the store invited me to another party on Saturday as well. This one I would have definitely attended if it would have started earlier than 11pm. I gave him the same excuse as Klepto Sue. Two party invites. I felt cool and accepted. Then I laughed at myself for having such high school sentiments.
Herb
A guy walked up to my register in baggy clothing and a backwards cap.
GUY: Dude, is this herbal?
ME: That is a honey stick. I'm not sure about herbs but I hear that local honey is good for allergies.
The guy laughed EXACTLY like Butthead.
GUY: Okay, I'll take two. [still laughing]
After I gave him a total of 67 cents he reached into one of his baggy pockets and pulled out a GIANT folded wad of cash. It barely fit in his hand. He flipped through several bills to find a one dollar bill and then handed it to me.
ME: [after handing him his receipt] Have a nice day!
GUY: I will now! [waving the honey sticks in the air]
I'm sure he was stoned, but he was cartoonishly stoned. Gaythan witnessed this with me.
ME: He acted like the actors you see on anti-marijuana commercials before they do something outlandishly uncharacteristic, like run over a little girl on a bike.
GAYTHAN: And the huge wad of cash? What was that all about?
ME: Maybe he is on his way to a strip club.
GAYTHAN: Maybe he is the worst drug dealer ever and he was actually trying to sell you something.
ME:"Herbal" was code for "I have weed"? That would be so confusing in a grocery store.
GAYTHAN: Do dealers even speak in code?
ME: I would imagine they make literal conversation when they meet clients in dark alleys.
GAYTHAN: Yes, because all drugs are purchased in dark alleys.
ME: Maybe our transaction was part of a sting operation and the "dealer" is a rookie cop, unlikely to catch anyone.
GAYTHAN: The possibilities are endless.
Rogue Corn
I was bagging several ears of corn for a male customer when the bag split and all six ears of corn fell to my feet. I'm glad he laughed about it.
MAN: The corn is saying [in a high pitched voice] 'don't eat meeeee!!'
This made me laugh so hard. I immediately pictured six ears of corn with feet running away for fear of their lives. I gave the man his total and continued to laugh.
ME: I'm sorry I have to draw for you what I am seeing in my head.
The woman who was next in line looked unhappy and shook her head.
WOMAN: You know, I don't really have time for this.
ME: Ma'am. I am waiting for this credit card reading to be complete. By drawing this corn, I am not taking any time away from your transaction. I promise.
She shut up and rightly so. It took me no more than 10 seconds to draw the following:
Update: O.C.Daisy
The store was kind of empty. I asked Daisy if I could go use the restroom. She said it was okay so I walked off, leaving Gaythan and Daisy standing at our register. When I came back, Gaythan told me what Daisy said under her breath as I was walking away.
GAYTHAN: She said, "I'm glad she is leaving cause I'm sick of her attitude."
That BITCH.
That was it. I was officially sick of O.C.Daisy's two-faced bullshit. I walked over to Emmy, the manager on duty. I asked her if we could talk in the office. I explained to her what Daisy said. I explained that Daisy ruins what would otherwise be a pleasant working environment with her shit talking and her fake niceties. She put another coworker of mine in an uncomfortable situation by talking shit about me. I admitted to Emmy that I turned in my two week notice early because I found out that Daisy was promoted.
EMMY: That's so weird. She has always been nice to me.
ME: Of course she has been to you, you're her boss!
EMMY: Maybe she was mad because you did come in here and you learned everything really fast.
ME: I don't care why she hates me. She can hate me all she wants as long as she cooperates in making this a nice place to work. She has failed to do that several times and I have kept my mouth shut about it. I know I'm leaving and that nothing I say matters, but I don't think she has any business being a head cashier because she is an awful person and none of the younger employees respect her!
I got quiet. Emmy acknowledged what I said. She said it might be tough to do anything because Gaythan would have to be the witness and file a report. Gaythan told me he didn't want to be involved in any drama because he has to continue working there, unlike me. I didn't blame him. I didn't expect that Emmy would say anything to the other managers. I decided I would talk to Grumpy Gill the next day I work. He is the man in charge after all. It may get nothing accomplished but I will speak my mind. I am no longer going to give O.C.Daisy the benefit of the doubt.
Saturday, September 29, 2012
Day Thirty One
Stingwich Reconn. #3
Before my shift began I stopped by the break room to drop off a salad in the fridge. Elvira was in there, eating a sandwich. I asked her if she had heard of any recent lunch robbery. She told me her lunch was stolen the previous week. She had to buy food and that was tough for her since she had just moved to a new apartment with her son. Money was tight. I felt bad for her.
No more reconnaissance, it's go time.
I went to my register and talked about the lunch thief with O.C.Daisy (now in a foot brace). I told her that I planned to buy sandwich materials and Ex-Lax after work to make a stingwich. She totally dug the idea. We brainstormed ways of covering up the laxative by means of crushing or grinding the drug. Daisy said I should make different types of sandwiches and use different containers. This was the best conversation that she and I had ever had. She was being really nice and wasn't full of bitterness like she usually is. Maybe there is a chance for friendship here.
Richard Gere: Part One
So, this song comes on:
I was tired enough to be goofy enough to start busting a move in front of the registers. I was also too tired and goofy to realize anyone else might be watching. From around the corner came an older female customer who decided to join me in the dance. She was ready to check out so I pulled her cart into my line while doing some dance move that could only be described as a slow motion seizure. When I turned around to face my customer, who was having a great time, I noticed I had another spectator: A younger version of Richard Gere dressed in medical scrubs, holding a basket full of vegetables. He smiled at me.
Heart: melted.
I told my customer, who kept grooving, to check out the guy who looks like Richard Gere in the register behind her. She inconspicuously walked over to his register, pretending to choose a magazine she wanted to buy. After checking the guy out, she walked back to me.
WOMAN: [handing me the magazine] No wedding ring and you're right, he does look like Richard Gere. He also looks good in those scrubs.
ME: Right? Doctor, I'm HURTIN'.
WOMAN: Yeah, we need mouth to mouth here.
I couldn't have asked for a better person/wingman to have this inappropriate conversation with. I saw him walking away after purchasing his vegetables and I wondered why I had not ever seen him here before. Maybe he is back from vacationing for half of the summer. Maybe he is one of those Doctors Without Borders. He came home and needed to fill his fridge with vegetables because he is an animal loving vegan. The version of this guy I have created in my head is quite the catch.
Maybe one day he will see past my ugly green t-shirt and carry me out of the store like this:
O.C.Daisy, Klepto Sue and Nil, The Girl Whose Name We Can't Pronounce
I found out why O.C.Daisy was being so nice earlier in my shift. She was given some head cashier duties for the day and was training two new employees. It was amazing to watch her be nauseatingly fake nice to the new people.
I was approached by a fellow cashier/grocery worker named...well I can't ever pronounce it...I'll call her Nil for now. Nil joined me in witnessing the spectacle of O.C.D.'s aspartame demeanor and I found out that she knew one of the new trainees. Apparently the new girl, Sue, used to work at another health food store in Denton, TX called The Cupboard, and she was fired for showing up late and for participating in a situation involving theft. Nil was a coworker of Sue at The Cupboard and was adamant in her refusal to be a reference on Klepto Sue's application. Nil is a cool, honest, sincere and hard working person, she didn't strike me as a gossip or a liar so I believed her. Klepto Sue later came over to help me bag groceries when the lines died down. She was friendly and personable but I remained leery.
I needed Daisy to swipe her card and enter code on my register for a return. The whole time she stood there, she grumbled about how Crazy Red Head Vegan had not come back from a break and I don't remember what else. I have begun to tune O.C.D. out as soon as she starts talking shit about others. As soon as she walked back to her trainees it was all half-toothed smiles and "Hiiii darlin'!" Ridiculous.
Update: Crazy Red-Head Vegan
It turned out that CRV took longer than a 15 minute break because she is having ANOTHER bad day. She began to tell me a sob story about how the love of her life has been deployed.
ME: Your boyfriend is in the military? Which branch?
CRV: He is not my boyfriend, he is in the Navy.
ME: Oh, so this is a guy you like? What about your boyfriend?
CRV: We broke up.
ME: Again?
CRV: We didn't really get back togeth-bla bla bla bla bla bla...
She kept talking and I stopped listening. She may have said something about writing letters. I don't know, I don't care. I don't give a shit about her drama anymore.
Petty Duke
A guy from the produce section came up front to notify one of our managers that there was a woman sampling one grape from each of the bags of grapes. All of the cashiers looked to the back of the store and surely enough, there she was, still plucking grapes. Daisy walked back to tell her that she can't do that. We all went back to doing our jobs but then a guy from the bulk section caught my attention. Petty Duke had made her way from the produce section to the bulk section. She stuck her hand in nearly half the bins she walked by, sampling nuts, dried fruits and candy.
There is a fine line between sampling and stealing and Petty Duke was crossing it. Our store allows sampling in the bulk section, but customers are supposed to ask bulk section workers for assistance. O.C.D. went up to her again and told Petty Duke to stop. I tried to figure out whether this woman was underprivileged or cheap. It was more likely to be the latter. She ended up buying a lot of food at Klepto Sue's register. How perfect.
Before my shift began I stopped by the break room to drop off a salad in the fridge. Elvira was in there, eating a sandwich. I asked her if she had heard of any recent lunch robbery. She told me her lunch was stolen the previous week. She had to buy food and that was tough for her since she had just moved to a new apartment with her son. Money was tight. I felt bad for her.
No more reconnaissance, it's go time.
I went to my register and talked about the lunch thief with O.C.Daisy (now in a foot brace). I told her that I planned to buy sandwich materials and Ex-Lax after work to make a stingwich. She totally dug the idea. We brainstormed ways of covering up the laxative by means of crushing or grinding the drug. Daisy said I should make different types of sandwiches and use different containers. This was the best conversation that she and I had ever had. She was being really nice and wasn't full of bitterness like she usually is. Maybe there is a chance for friendship here.
Richard Gere: Part One
So, this song comes on:
I was tired enough to be goofy enough to start busting a move in front of the registers. I was also too tired and goofy to realize anyone else might be watching. From around the corner came an older female customer who decided to join me in the dance. She was ready to check out so I pulled her cart into my line while doing some dance move that could only be described as a slow motion seizure. When I turned around to face my customer, who was having a great time, I noticed I had another spectator: A younger version of Richard Gere dressed in medical scrubs, holding a basket full of vegetables. He smiled at me.
Heart: melted.
I told my customer, who kept grooving, to check out the guy who looks like Richard Gere in the register behind her. She inconspicuously walked over to his register, pretending to choose a magazine she wanted to buy. After checking the guy out, she walked back to me.
WOMAN: [handing me the magazine] No wedding ring and you're right, he does look like Richard Gere. He also looks good in those scrubs.
ME: Right? Doctor, I'm HURTIN'.
WOMAN: Yeah, we need mouth to mouth here.
I couldn't have asked for a better person/wingman to have this inappropriate conversation with. I saw him walking away after purchasing his vegetables and I wondered why I had not ever seen him here before. Maybe he is back from vacationing for half of the summer. Maybe he is one of those Doctors Without Borders. He came home and needed to fill his fridge with vegetables because he is an animal loving vegan. The version of this guy I have created in my head is quite the catch.
Maybe one day he will see past my ugly green t-shirt and carry me out of the store like this:
O.C.Daisy, Klepto Sue and Nil, The Girl Whose Name We Can't Pronounce
I found out why O.C.Daisy was being so nice earlier in my shift. She was given some head cashier duties for the day and was training two new employees. It was amazing to watch her be nauseatingly fake nice to the new people.
I was approached by a fellow cashier/grocery worker named...well I can't ever pronounce it...I'll call her Nil for now. Nil joined me in witnessing the spectacle of O.C.D.'s aspartame demeanor and I found out that she knew one of the new trainees. Apparently the new girl, Sue, used to work at another health food store in Denton, TX called The Cupboard, and she was fired for showing up late and for participating in a situation involving theft. Nil was a coworker of Sue at The Cupboard and was adamant in her refusal to be a reference on Klepto Sue's application. Nil is a cool, honest, sincere and hard working person, she didn't strike me as a gossip or a liar so I believed her. Klepto Sue later came over to help me bag groceries when the lines died down. She was friendly and personable but I remained leery.
I needed Daisy to swipe her card and enter code on my register for a return. The whole time she stood there, she grumbled about how Crazy Red Head Vegan had not come back from a break and I don't remember what else. I have begun to tune O.C.D. out as soon as she starts talking shit about others. As soon as she walked back to her trainees it was all half-toothed smiles and "Hiiii darlin'!" Ridiculous.
Update: Crazy Red-Head Vegan
It turned out that CRV took longer than a 15 minute break because she is having ANOTHER bad day. She began to tell me a sob story about how the love of her life has been deployed.
ME: Your boyfriend is in the military? Which branch?
CRV: He is not my boyfriend, he is in the Navy.
ME: Oh, so this is a guy you like? What about your boyfriend?
CRV: We broke up.
ME: Again?
CRV: We didn't really get back togeth-bla bla bla bla bla bla...
She kept talking and I stopped listening. She may have said something about writing letters. I don't know, I don't care. I don't give a shit about her drama anymore.
Petty Duke
A guy from the produce section came up front to notify one of our managers that there was a woman sampling one grape from each of the bags of grapes. All of the cashiers looked to the back of the store and surely enough, there she was, still plucking grapes. Daisy walked back to tell her that she can't do that. We all went back to doing our jobs but then a guy from the bulk section caught my attention. Petty Duke had made her way from the produce section to the bulk section. She stuck her hand in nearly half the bins she walked by, sampling nuts, dried fruits and candy.
There is a fine line between sampling and stealing and Petty Duke was crossing it. Our store allows sampling in the bulk section, but customers are supposed to ask bulk section workers for assistance. O.C.D. went up to her again and told Petty Duke to stop. I tried to figure out whether this woman was underprivileged or cheap. It was more likely to be the latter. She ended up buying a lot of food at Klepto Sue's register. How perfect.
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