Trojan Boy
A guy walked up and I noticed he had a pair of those expanders that increase the diameter of an ear piercing. The diameter of his piercing was at an inch, it took him several months to get it there. I then heard giggling behind me but I paid it no attention. I told the customer that his piercing reminded me of my great grandmothers in India. They would wear the most dreadfully heavy large gold hoops. If I didn't know any better I would have thought they were putting really thick bracelets on the wrong part of their bodies. These heavy earrings would pull at the diameter of the piercing, leaving gaping large holes in their earlobes. When those holes got too big, one of my GG's pierced the top of her ears, wearing the same gold, bracelet-sized earrings. When I visited her as a child, all I could focus on were the gigantic ear holes. "Interesting," laughed my customer. After conversing with him and checking out his groceries, I wished him a nice day and he went on his way. Then I was approached by O.C.Daisy.
DAISY: What was up with that hair?
ME: Huh?
DAISY: That customer you just had, he looks like a skunk. We were all just staring at it (and laughing apparently). He looks like that guy on the Trojan condom commercial. You know, the one with his hair blown way back? [She laughs.]
ME: No, I don't know. I didn't notice his hair.
Maybe he did have big hair, so fucking what? I don't know why I was offended at what O.C.D. said. Maybe it was because I had just finished having a nice conversation with this guy and the other girls were making fun of him. I felt like they were making fun of a friend of mine. Maybe Daisy meant no harm, but I don't think anyone who has missing teeth should make fun of how anyone else looks.
Men's Day
A lady came up in my line and started a conversation about Father's day with the Infamous Patti. They knew each other somehow.
LADY: Today we had Men's Day at church. All of the fathers and grandfathers were allowed to come to church wearing whatever they wanted and there was a grill and we all had barbeque after the service.
PATTI: Did they actually come wearing whatever they wanted?
LADY: Oh yes! They looked a mess wearing flip flops, shorts, cut-offs-
ME: Wife beaters?
LADY: [no response]
ME: I mean, white tank tops?
LADY: No, none of those.
Another reason why I shouldn't talk about Father's Day.
Anna Wintour, Jr.
A customer walked up to buy groceries and loaded everything on the belt. She then called her daughter from behind her and up comes this ultra fabulous little five year old. She had on a hot pink shirt and over it she donned a black and white fake leopard fur jacket (keep in mind, this is summertime in Texas). Incognito, she wore on the most "Vogue" pair of sunglasses you'll ever see on a little kid. She was carrying her own little basket and from it she handed me a bag of chocolate covered pretzels. I rang it in and gave her the total. Her little bangles clinked together as she reached into a little white leather purse and took out a hot pink wallet that she kept only two dollars in. After I gave her change back, she said, "Thank you very much," and walked back behind her mom.
I wondered if this was how her mom acts. I looked at the mom. She was a pretty ordinary looking mom, ordinarily dressed. "She really loves to play shopping," she said about her daughter. This was play time for that little girl? She loves going to stores and pretending to be a grown up, and all with her mom? That is so cute.
BharataNOTyam
This girl walked into the store with the most makeup I have ever seen on anyone's face, ever. Everything was caked on, foundation, blush, huge amounts of black eyeliner, her lip liner was a darker red than her lips, and her face was blushed over with an iridescent shade of bluish purple. It was as if she was going for this look seen in Bharatanatyam Indian classical dance:
This is stage makeup, so the facial features may appear large. Bharatanatyam is really beautiful to see and the music is killin', metrically and melodically. This customer went beyond this kind of makeup, like she was trying to look like Krishna.
ME: Are you wearing stage or dance makeup?
GIRL: No.
ME: Oh.
PATTI: [nervously] Looks pretty, looks pretty.
Patti, always there to attempt to make an awkward moment less awkward. The most interesting thing of all was that she was in the store to purchase facial soap. At least she takes care of her skin. I could tell that under that face, was a naturally beautiful girl. Oh well, this is her statement. To each his (or her) own.
P.S. I will NEVER make fun of Cake Eyes ever again.
Hannibal Lecter
A man walked up in my line and for some crazy reason, this conversation began:
MAN: Did you know the longest a city could live without food is 2 weeks?
ME: Without food? Just water, right?
MAN: Right.
ME: Interesting.
MAN: I read that while reading about cannibalism.
ME: Cannibalism. So you're a cannibal? [I took off my name tag and threw it in my drawer]
MAN: Ha. If were to be a cannibal, I would probably want to go after someone who is obese.
ME: No you wouldn't, because that would be mostly fat. What you want is lean muscle.
MAN: You would be right.
ME: I can't believe we are having this conversation.
I'm sure that I was speaking to a normal human being who eats plants and animals, but to be sure I had someone walk me to my car when I left.
Update: Elvira
Elvira was working next to me today. She responded to my greetings and was even conversing with me about cooking at one point. During my shift, a customer walked up with a very tired little girl in her arm. The little girl had just returned with her mom and dad from Disney World the previous day, and she was covered in glittery temporary tattoos. I was curious and asked if she got those at Disney World and the mom said she did them herself. I was so impressed, these tattoos looked so good and apparently they last ten days. Elvira jumped into the conversation, saying that you could get the materials from a place called Brilliant Sky and went on about how you do it.
After that customer left, I had a moment to stand still and think about how far Elvira had come from being completely anti-social to this. I wondered why she is so initially cold to me and to others. Was she waiting to find out if I'm nice/not an idiot? Maybe it's just today that she's being nice. I did hear the usually unemotional Speedy Gonzales laugh later in the day. Like, genuine happy laughter. What the hell was happening? Maybe I'm in the Twilight Zone.
Update: The Infamous Patti
So Patti turned out to be a super helpful, awesome and fun head cashier. All the warnings I got about her being slow and hard to work with were bogus. One day I asked her if her eyelashes were really as long as they look. She told me get little eyelash extensions put in, that is is one of her treats she gives herself. That, and mani/pedis. She told me she doesn't go out ever and she lives with her brother and his wife. I found that peculiar.
She then told me she wasn't married, that her husband died last year of colon cancer. He had no warning, he didn't show any symptoms. Once the doctor diagnosed him, he died two months later. She told me he was an alcoholic. I said I was sorry for her loss. She said, "Oh, there's nothing you can do about it. He really did this to himself. It honestly hurt more when my dad died this past January."
Damn.
Without going into much detail about her marriage, she said she was raised Catholic and there was no such thing as getting a divorce, from this I assumed her husband made her life miserable. She said, "the odd thing is, when you lose your spouse, you end up missing all of the things that aggravated you. It's crazy."
She also told me about how she lost her mother to Alzheimer's disease. Her mom suffered from it for eleven years. Patti would visit her mom with her husband and her mom would think Patti was her husband's mistress. Patti had suffered, very recently, an incredible amount of loss, yet she is so sweet, nice and energetic every time I see her at work. When it gets really busy she comes over to my register to help bag groceries and say, "Can I play 'store' with you?" Like a kid. She told me all of the sad details of her life like she had reached closure, even peace about it all. Patti is the epitome of strength.
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