When I get a summer job like this, my one hope is that I will not run into anyone I know, ever. I learned on my very first day that such would not be the case. One of the cashiers was a guy I go to school with. We had taken a class together. Even before that, I knew him as "Hero." A couple years ago, I was substitute teaching for another private teacher at a local high school. When I tried to leave at the end of the day, my car barely made it out of the parking lot. The gas tank was empty. I walked back to the band hall and sheepishly asked if anyone could drive me to the gas station. Hero was a student teacher at the time and offered to help. He filled up my one gallon carton for me and put the gas in my car when we got back to the school. If he didn't help I would have been screwed because I had a gig to go to. I couldn't remember his name until I worked with him at this store.
Hero told me today that someone stole his sandwich from the fridge in the break room. Someone stole Hero's sandwich.
Let me make something clear. Hero is my favorite person at this store. My FAVORITE. He is such a good guy. He loves his wife. His wife probably made him that sandwich, with love. I was filled with rage. His stolen sandwich is MY stolen sandwich. There is only one solution. A sting-wich. I am going to plant one in the fridge. I'm thinking sliced turkey with a little tomato, lettuce, pickles, sprouts and provolone with a spicy mustard...and laxatives.
"Revenge is a dish best served cold."
Rooster
I was checking and bagging this one lady's groceries when a man and his son walked up. The man was placing groceries on the belt and every once in a while the son would grab a loaf of French bread and place it on the belt as well. I noticed that this boy was mentally retarded. The dad would get frustrated and say, "No. NO. NO." Just like that, increasingly louder. This happened about 5 times. The dad was never kind or patient. I was so annoyed, so was the lady I was helping. I can't begin to understand how difficult it is to raise a child like this, but I have seen some amazing people do it, with much love and patience. I tried to say hello to the boy, but his dad said he doesn't talk. When it came time for this man to check out, he continued to have a hard time keeping his son from the French bread. Fed up with the dad's repetitive "NO," I decided to start whistling. I whistled this song:
The boy froze, listening. His dad said he loves Disney movies, and that is one of the DVDs he watches. It is hard to whistle when you are tearing up. I didn't know whistling a Disney melody would steal this boy's attention and I don't know what made me do it. The boy stood still and his gaze was fixed on the sliding doors. It was then that the dad was able to swipe his credit card. He smiled and said, "Thank you."
Gross.
A late 50-something year old man walks up while Billy Idol's "Dancin' With Myself" played on the radio. Sally Spec bagged groceries.
ME: Alright, the 80s station seems to be on.
CUSTOMER: Oh, you never lived a DAY in the 80s.
SALLY: How old are you?
ME: How old do I look?
SALLY: My age? 19?
ME: Correct.
SALLY: Yesssss. [walks off to help another customer]
ME: [to my customer] Actually I'm in my 30s.
CUSTOMER: I never would have guessed, you're a VERY attractive woman. [I can only describe the look he gave me with the word, "Ew."]
Okay. What he should have said is, "You don't look your age." Does he mean to say that 30 year old women aren't attractive? Maybe he was just being nice, but I don't think so. I was grossed out. I do not like it when old dudes say shit like that to me while looking at me like that. If I was wearing some slutty dress and asking for it that would be one thing, but I was wearing a t-shirt with jeans and I had no make-up on. Ick.
So maybe there is a bit of a double standard here. If he looked like George Clooney I would have welcomed this compliment. This guy? Not George Clooney.
Operation: Elvira
I've got it! Elvira looks like she speaks Spanish. Maybe she'll be more nice and talkative if she speaks in Spanish! I tried to figure out some phrases in my head to say to her as she was leaving work. She walked by:
ME: Esta saliendo? Tenga un buen dia! (Are you leaving? Have a nice day!)
It was then that Elvira shot me an nasty look, I averted my eyes. She walked out of the store. That is not what I imagined happening in my head. I thought we would be instant chums, speaking in spanish all of the time. No, she laser shot me a look of pure hatred. What did I say? Maybe "saliendo" means "quitting" and I just said, "Are you quitting? Have a nice day!" Maybe I put an accent in the wrong place? Did I somehow sound sarcastic? Maybe Elvira doesn't speak Spanish. This operation failed. I'm starting to think my efforts are futile.
Hanz
Hanz has come into my line before but I never noticed his muscles until today, because he was wearing a lot less. He couldn't put his arms down by his sides because he was THAT MUSCULAR. He walked up and I, well...
ME: Hi! You...look like you work out. [bursts into laughter]
HANZ: [no response]
ME: I'm sorry. Are you a trainer?
HANZ: Yes.
ME: I could tell, because you're veiny. (Oh my god shut up Miranda) Where are you a trainer?
HANZ: I'm a personal trainer at (I wasn't listening, I was staring at his left bicep).
ME: So when we get customers looking to train somewhere, we send them to you.
HANZ: Right.
Of course I would happen to be working next to Crazy Red-Head Vegan when this all went down. She bags Hanz's small amount of groceries. Before he leaves:
CRV: Do you need help carrying those out? The bags look kind of heavy.
I laughed, Crazy Vegan laughed, Hanz did not. I wonder if he gets treated like this all of the time. Does he feel objectified or does he dig it when girls act incredibly stupid around him? I will behave better the next time he shops here.
Update: Sally Spec
Sally and I are getting along. She helps me out a lot and is fun to be around. Mid-shift, she lamented to me that she was thinking of working somewhere else, that she was sick of some of the people here. She mentioned Elvia and Speedy Gonzales being negative all of the time and apparently there are rumors flying around about her personal life. I have never heard these rumors, maybe because I am new or maybe because I don't engage in gossip with these coworkers. I told her she has to have something that makes the job interesting. I told her that every time I meet someone interesting or when I hear something interesting, I pull out a strip of receipt paper and write it down, and that is what makes work interesting otherwise I would be bored to death. She told me that Crazy Red-Head Vegan, some of the older ladies and I were the only people she liked working with and that she doesn't always get to work with who she likes. I was flattered. I hope she doesn't quit because of stupid people, but she is young and probably hasn't had to deal with this kind of drama before. I think I once heard a cowboy say, "Once you have dealt with bullshit, you can handle bullshit." If I had a hat, I would tip it to that.
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