Day Fifteen

Hungover again...this time, from a friend's wedding reception. It would have been a shame to not take advantage of the top shelf open bar, so I partook. At work, my inner monologue was firing on all cylinders. I fought hard to pay attention to my customers and to keep myself from saying what I am thinking all of the time like the last time I felt this way. This extra effort somehow resulted in over-exuberance.

ME: What is this?
CUSTOMER: Wasabi aged cheddar...
ME: [eyes widened] Shut the front door! Wasabi Aged Cheddar?!

Don't get me wrong, I bet wasabi aged cheddar is the bees knees, but I would never get that excited about it.

Today was an incredibly busy day. Ten different customers didn't feel like ten customers, but like one long never-ending transaction. This didn't give me much of a chance to chat with customers. That was a bummer.

Update: O.C.Daisy and Sally Spec

I showed up to work with my hair down. I didn't put it up right away and I began to check out customers. OCD walks by and grumbles, "Gotta tie up that hair Miranda." Why was she grumbling at me? I thought she was cool, this wasn't her usual sweet reminder. Slightly annoyed, I didn't tie up my hair. Then Sally walked over to me.

SALLY: Daisy was bitching about you to Ryan (our head cashier) so here's a hair tie.

I was so confused. When the lines died down I walked over to Sally to inquire about what Daisy said. Apparently, Daisy told my head cashier about how she told me to tie my hair up and I wouldn't listen. Ryan scolded Daisy, telling her that she needs to let him handle things like this, that she is not a head cashier or manager.

Oh. My. God.

I immediately asked Sally if she had ever complained to anyone about coworkers having their hair down. She said no, that she likes leaving her hair down too...

Holy shit. Daisy is a fucking liar!! SHE is the one who wanted everyone else to tie their hair up. It all makes so much sense. She made it seem like Sally was the party pooper who complained about everyone's hair being down. She made me totally dislike Sally from the get-go, before I even had a chance to get to know her. Sally and I ended up being pals anyway, but wow, Daisy is a LIAR!

I told Sally the whole story about Daisy's false information. Sally laughed and told me that seemed like something Daisy would do. So, from what I have gathered about Daisy in the last week is that she talks shit about customers after they leave and she lies. She also calls every customer "darling" and it is so fake and forced the way she says it. Man, OCD is a piece of work. I wondered why that is. I was so disappointed.

Stingwich Reconn.

I brought my lunch to work today, a spinach mushroom pasta plate and a sandwich. I put it in the break room fridge at work, daring someone to steal it. I returned after four hours to find that it was still there. I heard that food theft had gone down, but not entirely. Vitamin Girl's yogurt was stolen, and enchiladas were recently stolen (made by a bakery chef for a fellow cashier). I tried to find out what days of the week these food item thefts occurred and how they were wrapped. Some were covered in cellophane with their name on it, others in tupperware. I figured that one Ex-Lax laden turkey sandwich on a random day wasn't going to do it. I would have to make several. I think one different sandwich a day over a two week period should do it. I'm debating leaving a tiny laminated message in the sandwich like, "You have been Ex-Laxed," or "Next time, make your own sandwich." I don't know, we'll see.

Rainbow Bright

This red headed young girl bought some snacks from the bulk section before her mom purchased a large order of groceries. The groceries were for the girl's 9th birthday party. She was wearing every neon color you could possibly imagine, and her clothes were also bedazzled. It was the kind of outfit that only a 9 year old could pull off. If I ever walked out in an outfit like that, my friends would have the permission to beat me with a 2x4, repeatedly.

The mom received ten dollars cashback from the transaction and handed it straight to her daughter.

GIRL: Yesssssssssssssss.
ME: Birthday money?
MOM: Yes. She gets $10 from us at every celebration. She is welcome to spend it however she likes, but if she puts it in the bank?
GIRL: You'll match every deposit.
ME: You'll double the deposit of any money she chooses to save?
MOM: Any money.

That is an amazing mom. What an awesome way to teach a kid the rewards of saving.

The G Word

I wanted so badly to ask Ryan, our red-headed, freckled and pale skinned head cashier, some sensitive questions. Eventually the lines died down enough for us to talk.


ME: So, Ryan...when you were growing up, were ever discriminated against or did you ever feel discriminated against for being a red-head? Were you ever called a "ginger"?
RYAN: Yes.
ME: How did it make you feel?
RYAN: It hurt my feelings at first. I felt like I was being called the "n word." I know the connotations are not near as negative, but it made me sad all the same.
ME: Hmm. So what about now? What do you think when someone calls you a "ginger" now?
RYAN: It's just annoying. It pisses me off, but I usually brush it off. I'm just a normal person. Some people don't care, for them it is a nickname or term of endearment.
ME: Okay, so...do you get excited when a red-head excels in life?
RYAN: What do you mean?
ME: Okay, for example, when we [pointing to myself] won the Oscar for Slumdog Millionaire and all of those Indian people were on stage accepting the award, I was so stoked.
RYAN: When we won the Oscar?
ME: Yes, that is how it works.

Hero was working next to me and he chimed in.

HERO: So when Ron Weasley scored Hermione in the last couple of Harry Potter movies were you proud?
ME: Or what about Shaun White? Is he your Malcolm X?

Ryan was laughing pretty hard and said no to all the final questions. I knew the G word has been used blatantly in comedy, like the South Park episode "The Ginger Kids" or the ginger supremacist parents of the guidance counselor in Glee. I wasn't aware that it ever hurt a kid's feelings. If it hurt Ryan's feelings as a kid, how many kids are feeling hurt by the G word now?

Lightning McQueen and the Chanteuse

Kids really kept me sane today. I had two customers with a kid who never uttered a word other than yelling out the ABC song at the top of his lungs, non-stop, not so much in the melody but on one pitch. His parents were embarrassed but I couldn't stop laughing.

I met another kid who loves the movie, Cars. He wore a Cars shirt and had a toy version of one of the movie characters in his hands.


ME: So do you like the Cars movie?
KID: [nods his head]
ME: What's your favorite car?
KID: Lightning McQueen.
ME: So then what's your favorite color? (thinking he would say red)
KID: Lightning McQueen says VRRROOOOM!
ME: So, red?
KID: Lightning McQueen.
ME: So, what's your favorite number? (thinking he might say 95)
KID: Lightning McQueen. [continues making vroom noises and brake sounds]
ME: Your favorite animal?
KID: Lightning McQueen!
ME: Right. I get it now.

Later on, a couple rolled up with their toddler seated in the grocery cart. This little curly haired girl was warbling nonsense melodies, the kind that only sounds beautiful coming from a child.

ME: Do you like to sing?
MOM: Oh she knows lots of songs! Wanna sing a song for her? What about "Five Little Monkeys"?

The mom tried to help the kid get started but the girl was shy, so of course I started singing too. We sang "Five Little Monkeys" together while I checked out groceries, with hand motions and all. When that song ended the kid would bust out with song after song, "The Itsy Bitsy Spider" and "Old MacDonald." The transaction had long been over and we were still singing because no one else was in line at the time. Little did I know that I had an audience behind me, including Hero, Hero's customers, my manager, head cashier and other customers. The toddler and I had a show going, I think we should have put out a tip jar. Maybe next time.