Sally Spec was hanging out at the end of my register but talking to someone else, so I assumed she was there to hang instead of help. I looked at her to see if she wanted to bag groceries for my current customer but she never looked back so I bagged the food myself. Eventually Sally turned toward me.
SALLY: I can help you, you know.
ME: You weren't paying attention to me so I did the bagging.
SALLY: Aw, I'm sorry!
ME: I'm needy. I need constant attention all of the time.
We finished this customer's transaction and Sally stuck around to help and converse with me. Once the rush died down, Sally stepped closer to me and said:
SALLY: Dude, Daisy hates you.
ME: Really?
SALLY: Yeah, you stepped away for a second and she was like, 'What the hell was she talking about being needy?' I said I'm not going to talk trash about you.
ME: Huh.
SALLY: Every other minute she was turning around and giving you weird looks and rolling her eyes for what you were saying to your customers.
What is Daisy's problem? Is she jealous that I have all of my teeth and she doesn't? She has nothing better to do than mind her own damn business? Man, people are bored here. I'm glad that Sally is on my side. She told me she would inform me of every time Daisy talks shit about me. If it's enough I will confront that toothless over-sized marshmallow and ask her why she is such a bitch.
Doctor's Orders
My brain felt screwed up this morning. I was working slowly and making mistakes here and there and I couldn't blame it on a hangover. A couple came up to my register.
WOMAN: How are you?
ME: Eh, not so good. I am drained. My brain feels messed up.
WOMAN: Have you been outside?
ME: Yeah, I just was.
WOMAN: That's it. You're dehydrated. It's too hot to drink your normal amount of water. Get some water.
ME: You're right, and I haven't had much water today.
WOMAN: See?
MAN: [pushes his wife aside and brings his face close to mine] Well, I think if you drink a case of beer every time the temperature is over a hundred, you will live a longer, happier life.
ME: Is that so...[I looked at his shirt] Dr. Boca Raton?
MAN: HA! HAHAHA. That's right, Dr. Boca Raton. I'm a brain surgeon.
The guy was very clearly drunk. I could smell the alcohol on his breath. It was July 5th and this couple took vacation days to get the whole week off. Why not do some grocery shopping while being sensationally tanked? His advice may have been slightly invalid, the "longer life" part of it anyway. Drinking a case of beer every time the temperature reaches over 100 degrees means being drunk everyday for two months in Texas. One might be happy though!
Old Man
OLD MAN: Hello, nice person!
ME: How do you know I am a nice person?
OLD MAN: God don't make trash, my dear.
Signature T-Shirts
I am normally a very anti-signature t-shirt person. Signature tees are for teenagers who are trying to defy adulthood while they skateboard on private property. Today was a pretty boring day though, boring enough to make me laugh with appreciation when I saw a customer wearing this:
Udpate: Crazy Red-Head Vegan
There is never shortage of bonkers shit that CRV has to say. Take today, for example:
CRV: I really need to release my bowels, but I CAN'T here.
ME: Why is that?
CRV: Because somebody already did and she stunk up the place!
For starters, I don't engage in poop talk. I know a lot of people do, they are very comfortable with it. I have no problem talking about it but I think there are far more interesting and stimulating things to talk about. So, CRV will not take a shit somewhere unless it smells like lavender? Is this the pooping equivalent of the palate cleansing sorbet at dinner or the coffee beans you smell before testing the next perfume at Sephora?
Lollipops
For the first few days of my "good kid lollipop" project, only 2-3 kids were receiving organic pops each day. Too many bratty, whiny or misbehaving kids were coming through my line. This was until today of course.
I gave out 14 lollipops today. FOURTEEN. Kids were so sweet, helping out their parents, being quiet or making pleasant conversation with me. I stopped the lollipop giveaway just before 15 pops, when I saw a young boy helping out his dad by putting groceries on the belt and removing packed bags to put them in the cart. This kid looked about 8 years old.
KID: No, thank you.
ME: Wow, I have never seen a lollipop denied before. Is this a 'don't take candy from strangers' thing?
DAD: Oh no, he just likes to help and doesn't want gifts for helping.
ME: Wow. What an amazing kid.
DAD: He is wonderful.
Eight years old, just out helping dad with shopping. Rare. I love it.
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