Day Twenty Two

It's the 4th of July. Finally, a day where I can share holiday greetings with customers without offending anyone. I can't say it on Mother's Day or Father's Day, you never know who has been abused by their parent, lost a parent, grew up in an orphanage or simply hates their parents. Greetings on religious holidays? I dare not. "Happy 4th of July," thankfully worked for everyone...except one woman.

ME: Hi! Happy 4th of July!
WOMAN: Ugh, 4th of July...the way this country is going I should move to Canada.
ME: [no response]

This woman lingered to bitch just a little more then she left. The next customer walked up.

MAN: Sheesh.
ME: No kidding, I wanted to say, "Move it along, sister." Someone is not very patriotic.
MAN: No kidding. You know, the border is not closed in either direction.
ME: Right?? [I laughed] By the way, Happy 4th of July!
MAN: [he laughs] Happy 4th of July!

Update: Crazy Red Head Vegan

I worked in the register next to CRV. When I walked up, I saw her frowning.

ME: What's wrong?
CRV: I'm not feeling well. I need to go home.
ME: Oh no! What's wrong?
CRV: I just feel sick.
ME: Sick how?
CRV: My boyfriend broke up with me. He wants to be with someone else he knows.
ME: Oh no. Been there.
CRV: I can't leave because I feel like I am about to get fired.
ME: Okay, well then if you feel like you need to cry, walk away and cry. I'll take customers in your line.

Our system worked out well. CRV cried a few times and darted off to howl a little bit. Been there. It sucks. You have to keep living, especially if you have a job. You can't take a day off because of a fresh breakup. I made a point to act a fool all day around CRV. Later in our shift I asked kids to sing patriotic songs for me. Most were too embarrassed to do it, but eventually I found one that kind of knew a song, "The Fifty Nifty United States," where the singer sings the name of all 50 states in alphabetical order. I started singing it with this little boy, but he eventually stopped because he forgot the lyrics. I of course charged ahead.

CRV heard me do this, I looked like a complete ass and I sang with an embarrassing amount of authority. She laughed pretty hard.

CRV: Oh my god, you are the only reason why I am laughing right now.
ME: You are welcome.

CRV was cheerful for the rest of her shift. Sally Spec came along to act nuts with us. I'm glad she felt better. I like working in a positive environment so I try to do what I can to make everyone feel happy. I advised CRV to go to a bar with friends or a party or something. I told her to be around friends instead of going home to be alone. She followed my advice and went to a barbeque.

Observation

Babies always want to eat inedible things in a grocery store. Boxes, pens, the grocery cart handle, plastic bags, etc. I am about to be an aunty so I become a little more of an idiot around babies each day. I have begun to analyze little things infants do like how they grab everything in sight. I think this ability to grab is the equivalent of a superhuman power to them. Babies can't really do shit (well, except shit). Once they discover they can grab and hold on to anything they abuse this power in any and every way they can, especially in a store. This annoys most parents, but I find it hilarious (as long as the item grabbed doesn't wind up in the wrong place). I find this very fascinating. The only problem with grabbing is that babies will stick whatever they are holding into their mouths. While mom or dad is grabbing for groceries, the baby is grabbing a coupon book and is attempting to stuff it into his face. It is edible for all he knows. So funny. Just an observation.

Serious Stu

So the new manager has qualities that make some people think he is good looking. CRV thought he was hot but eventually told me that he seems a little bit like a tool. Sally Spec thought he looked like an ex of hers. To get along I decided to chat with him a little. He was in one of the offices pouring barbeque sauce into to-go cups because we were selling ribs over the next two days.

ME: Are you pouring drinks for us? That's so nice.
STU: Actually these are to-go cups of barbeque sauce for the ribs tomorrow.
ME: [pause] I know, I was joking.
STU: Oh. [he continues pouring]

Um...

So eventually I was about to leave work. While counting down in the office with Ryan, Stu burst through the door and caught us off guard.

ME: Stu! Knock next time! What if Ryan and I were making out? That would have been so awkward for you!
STU: Well actually it would have been embarrassing for you. There is a camera in this room.

Oh my GOD.

Ryan and I exchanged quizzical looks. Stu has no sense of humor. I'm sure after a while we will be chummy but for now he is Serious Stu. I later found out that Stu is Heartless Lucy's cousin. Lucy told Stu about what CRV said and now maybe he thinks he is hot shit so he now he also acts strange around all of the girls. Stupid Lucy.