Update: Elvira
I was tremendously drowsy from taking a large dose of Benadryl last night. I didn't have time to make coffee or stop by Starbucks for a latte, so I settled for coffee samples at work. I was looking half dead, waiting for the breakfast blend to kick in when Elvira walked by my register. She stopped in front of me and gave me a funny look.
ELVIRA: Let me take a picture.
She pulled an imaginary camera out of her pocket and held it up to her face to capture the memory of my looking awful. I played along as if it were a zombie photoshoot.
ELVIRA: Smile!
I slackened my jaw.
ELVIRA: Beautiful.
Elvira being sarcastic? That's new. She has been super pleasant to be around lately. I think I am finally on her good side. Maybe she will let me help bag her groceries now.
Egypt
A beautiful (probably eternally youthful) woman with olive skin came into my line. We did the usualy greet and chat about the day. At one point she looked at my name tag.
WOMAN: Miranda. That is the name of one of my cousins in Egypt who I have not seen in 25 years.
ME: You must miss her.
WOMAN: I do.
ME: Well aren't things better in Egypt now? Maybe you can see her!
WOMAN: I wouldn't travel there now. The post-revolution in Egypt is messy.
We talked more about her family in Egypt. I shared my stories about traveling to India to see my family.
ME: Indians are a beautiful people but there are things that still need fixing in that country. Like bride burning.
WOMAN: Tell me about it. In my country if a man's shirt was burned with an iron, someone would die because of it. I thought, 'What is this stupidity?' So I moved to a better place. That was the only solution. We are lucky to live here.
She is right.
New Rules
More new rules? Mad Kathy informed me that when we are not cashiering we are to stand in front of our registers, like at other stores. Yeah, I will not be doing that. Walking in and out of our registers is a pain because two cashiers are in one pod of registers, there is only one small exit space and there are grocery baggers to climb over. That is one too many obstacles to get to the front of my register. I would hate to do this over and over all day only to find out that someone has seen me already and was on his or her way to check out wit me. There are only EIGHT registers. This isn't a super large corporate chain where a customer has 30 cashiers to choose from. If someone wants to buy their groceries, they will not have to travel far to find an open one. If a customer finds himself at a busy line, is in a rush and refuses to make the effort of rotating his head 30 degrees to find an available cashier, it is his fault...
...or maybe I am rationalizing because I am lazy and am apathetic to the new rule. A little of column A, a little of column B.
Sarah Palin
A woman walked into my line who looked EXACTLY like Sarah Palin. I couldn't help myself.
ME: Do people tell you that you look exactly like Sarah Palin?
WOMAN: All of the time. I even had this haircut and hairstyle before she came into the limelight.
ME: I'm kind of sad that you don't sound like her.
WOMAN: Sorry to disappoint you.
ME: I was sad when she didn't run for president because I was hoping to see more Tina Fey on Saturday Night Live.
WOMAN: Before everyone said I look like Sarah Palin they all said I look like Tina Fey.
ME: I wish some woman would run for president that looks like Kristen Wiig. That would be some comedy.
WOMAN: But what kind of woman would be good for a presidential run?
ME: I think the kind of woman I would want to vote for as president would not actually make a good presidential candidate. Not at the moment anyway. She would be too good of a person to be in Washington. She would be targeted by all of the backwards people in our country and all of the men who can't stand working for a woman.
WOMAN: She would have to be manipulative, that is for sure.
ME: Sadly enough.
Touchscreen Generation
For months now, I have watched people prod and poke the hell out of our non-touchscreen credit card reader. It is like watching a monkey try to get a banana out of a locked box. These people do everything but smash the card reader into the ground. I decided to fashion a small sign out of receipt paper to help my customers out. The sign read, "This is not an iPhone. Please use the electronic pen (I drew an arrow indicating its location) to make selections on the screen. The green "Yes" button is on the lower right hand side of the reader. DO NOT press the red button unless you want to cancel the transaction. Thank you."
I placed the sign on top of the reader. It helped everyone! For the next few hours, no one had problems with the credit card reader. No one prodded the shit of the non-touchscreen. Miracle of miracles! A couple of my customers and fellow cashiers saw the sign and laughed.
After a few hours, the Infamous Patti came up to me and removed the sign from my credit card reader.
PATTI: What is this? You can't have this up here!
She laughed and handed me the sign back. Silly old-fashioned Patti. This isn't hurting anyone! It's helping. After she left I put the sign back on. Patti came back about an hour later and took it down.
PATTI: Why did you put this back up? Roz told me to take it down and then you put it back up! You're going to get me in trouble! She is going to think that I am not listening to her!
ME: Oh! I didn't know that Roz told you to take it down! I'm sorry!
PATTI: Yes, Roz. Don't get me in trouble!
I felt bad. I liked Patti. I didn't want her to get in any trouble. I threw away the sign and watched as my customers continued to stab my credit card reader and cancel their transactions on accident. So much for clarity.
The Anti-Mexican
A woman came through my line who was checking stickers and labels on each one of her produce items.
WOMAN: Is there any way I can find out which vegetables and fruits do not come from Mexico without having to fish through that entire section? Is there a list anywhere?
ME: I don't think so. I buy mostly organic food. Whatever I buy that isn't organic are foods that no matter how or where they are grown, they are least likely to have a high amount of pesticide or chemical residues like asparagus, bananas or avocados. They can come from Mexico.
WOMAN: Organic food is too expensive and I'm not buying anything from Mexico.
I bit my tongue and decided not to waste my breath on this woman any longer. She bought her non-Mexican groceries and left.
Pesticides are everywhere, in every country. Some of the more dangerous pesticide-laden fruits and veggies to buy in conventional form are only dangerous to buy from Mexico because, in summary: Some forms of pesticide that were once available in the US became illegal for use here because its poisonous carcinogenic residues remained on plants well into the post rinse. What did the pesticide companies do? Export the pesticide to foreign countries like Mexico. Then what do American grocers do? Import fruits and vegetables from the very farms that bought our outlawed pesticides! How fucked up is that?
Again, this doesn't make ALL conventional fruits and veggies from Mexico potentially dangerous for consumption as I don't know which farmers in Mexico are growing their fruits and vegetables responsibly. The same damn thing could be said for farmers in America! I have read up on the 'conventional vs. organic' food topic quite a bit. What is safe? Buying organic forms of conventional fruits and veggies that tend to be high in pesticide residues like strawberries, apples, spinach and potatoes. Buy conventional forms of fruits and veggies that don't absorb the pesticides as much like asparagus, bananas, avocados and Brussels sprouts. There are LOADS sources on this topic that draw the same conclusion about produce that the anti-Mexican woman is apparently unwilling to search for or read. I shake my head.
Of course organic food is expensive. It is cheaper than ever because it is the fastest growing sector of the food market. All sorts of large food corporations are jumping on this band wagon. There are honest farmers out there that do grow their food responsibly but they can't afford the USDA organic label. Unfortunately, producing and selling organic food in America is costly. This is because integrity is not an industry standard. Money is in charge to the point of being a god. There are some extremely powerful people in charge of the food industry, in charge of many underpaid farmers, who are driven by multi-millions of dollars and they don't give a damn about who is ingesting what carcinogen. Then there is the GMO debate. Ugh. Read and watch documentaries about the food industry. Buy organic.
Off soapbox.
Showing posts with label Rules. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Rules. Show all posts
Tuesday, January 8, 2013
Day Thirty Eight
Update: Cake Eyes
It was 8am and I was alone with Cake Eyes on the front end. While checking out my own customers I listened to how she talked with her customers. She seemed to know her customers personally and she made good conversation with them. It makes sense. There are probably shoppers that come into the store on fixed days at fixed times. Cake Eyes is the only person who gets a fixed schedule, no wonder she has a lot of regulars. She opens the store at 7am and leaves at 2pm, Monday through Friday.
An hour later, Mad Kathy came in and we were discussing how I slammed my finger in my car door the previous night. It was bruised and I couldn't bend it. I took Advil for the pain but it didn't seem to work.
ME: I do have hydrocodone at home.
KATHY: That stuff works.
ME: Yeah I should take that, then I would be really entertaining at work.
CAKE EYES: [walked over to us] Did someone say hydrocodone?
ME: Yes. My finger is super bruised. I'm in extreme pain.
CAKE EYES: I take hydrocodone twice a day.
ME: Egads! Why do you take that much hydrocodone?
CAKE EYES: I have a bunch of rods and metal in my lower back. I can't stand for long.
ME: How did that happen?
CAKE EYES: When I was young I was a cheerleader. I practiced every day and every night. I jumped and I jumped and I tumbled millions of times over and over for years and years. I loved it but it messed up my back.
ME: Did you cheer in college?
CAKE EYES: No, but I did teach elementary school cheerleaders. I loved it.
Customers came along and cut our conversation short. Cake Eyes, cheerleader for life? She does still look like a cheerleader, just old with tons of eye shadow. She wears a khaki skirt and her hair in a ponytail everyday. Cheerleader. After her shift she came through my line with her usual two large bottles of Chardonnay. Chardonnay with hydrocodone. How the hell is she NOT in a coma?
ME: So when were you born?
CAKE EYES: I was born in 1955.
ME: Ah, you were a teen in the 70s. Did you wear bell bottoms?
CAKE EYES: Oh yeah, bell bottoms and flower power! Woo! [I handed her receipt and she walked off]
I was concerned for Cake Eyes but I was also glad that we were getting along better. I'm so glad that drugs and 70s fashion have allowed us to bond.
More New Rules
Roz came up to me to share the new attendance policy with me, which was probably inspired by me.
ROZ: New attendance rule. If you're late 8 times, you get an instant final warning. One more tardy after that? Your employment will be terminated.
ME: 8 times? Sheesh.
ROZ: If this was a rule before now, you would be in trouble.
True. I really should try to make it to work on time. The only fishy thing was, I never heard Roz share this new rule with anyone else. I also didn't have to sign anything indicating that I am aware of the new rule. Maybe they really just wanted me to show up on time and they were sending higher ups to scare me with more strict fake rules. Cute.
A Word of Advice:
Don't joke about cancer with the elderly.
ME: Hi! How is your morning going?
OLD LADY: Lovely! How about yours?
ME: Mine is great too! I got up early and walked the dogs. The weather is so nice before the sun comes up.
OLD LADY: I agree.
ME: It's nice to be outdoors without worrying that I going to get skin cancer. [I laughed]
She stopped talking to me. I felt like an ass. What if she had skin cancer? Her parents? Her friends? Stupid Miranda.
Update: Ryan and Sally Spec
Sally Spec came in with makeup on! She never wears make up. She has the kind of clean pretty face that doesn't need makeup.
ME: Your makeup looks nice!
SALLY: Yeah, Ryan (her boyfriend, our head cashier) has to work a 12 hour shift today. He is so tired already from working so much that I knew he would be in a bad mood, so I decided to look nice. I made his lunch and I baked him cookies.
ME: Girlfriend of the year!
SALLY: Yeah, I like him.
I watched whenever Sally and Ryan were talking by themselves. I saw Ryan smiling at Sally like he thinks she is the best girl ever. They are sweet.
Old Lady #12
An old lady bought groceries from my line and walked off to her car with her cart after checking out. A minute later she ran back in holding a bag of carrots.
OLD LADY: I'm so sorry dear. I almost stole these. Whew!
ME: A dollar of carrots? You crook!
OLD LADY: If ever go to jail, I'm going to go for a real reason.
Richard Gere: Part Three
Copycat went on break and she came through my line to buy some food. Every time Copycat buys things from my register, she greets me the exact same way even if she greeted me the same way three times that day so far.
COPYCAT: Hi. How are you doing today?
ME: You already greeted me that way. Greet me another way.
COPYCAT: Okay. [she thought for a while and nervously laughed] I don't know!
ME: You could say, "Ooh! I like your ring. Where did you get that ring?"
COPYCAT: Ooh! I like your ring. Where did you get that ring?
ME: Target! Can you believe it?
COPYCAT: Wow. I like it.
ME: Do you shop at Target?
COPYCAT: Sometimes I do with my sister.
That's when, behind Copycat's head, I saw Richard Gere walk in with basket in hand. I wanted to vomit. I finished my transaction with Copycat and timed out when exactly this sex addict-cheater-jerk would walk through my line. He is on a juicing diet so it wouldn't take him more than five minutes to gather whatever vegetables he needed. I waited three minutes and then I hid in the front office. Ryan came by.
RYAN: What are you doing?
ME: I'm hiding from someone.
RYAN: Who?
ME: This guy who cheated on one of my friends by soliciting sex to strangers, he is trying find out how my friend is doing through me and the very sight of him makes me want to vomit.
The manager-on-duty, named Jay, walked in.
JAY: What are you doing?
RYAN: She is hiding from someone.
JAY: Do we need to beat someone up?
I considered it.
ME: No. He needs to be paid no attention. I'm going to keep hiding.
I peaked out of the door. Richard Gere was in Crazy Red Head Vegan's line. I'm sure he was charming her in some way. Blech. I continued to hide. A minute later I looked and noticed he had left CRV's line. The coast was clear. I walked out of the office at the same time I noticed Richard Gere walking back to CRV's register. He had forgotten something. "Oh shit!" I thought and I broke into a sprint, running into the kitchen 20 feet to the left. I remained there for several minutes. There was no way Richard Gere would have missed seeing me running away at the sight of him. I might as well have stayed at my register and told him to his face that I don't want to talk to him...but this works too.
It was 8am and I was alone with Cake Eyes on the front end. While checking out my own customers I listened to how she talked with her customers. She seemed to know her customers personally and she made good conversation with them. It makes sense. There are probably shoppers that come into the store on fixed days at fixed times. Cake Eyes is the only person who gets a fixed schedule, no wonder she has a lot of regulars. She opens the store at 7am and leaves at 2pm, Monday through Friday.
An hour later, Mad Kathy came in and we were discussing how I slammed my finger in my car door the previous night. It was bruised and I couldn't bend it. I took Advil for the pain but it didn't seem to work.
ME: I do have hydrocodone at home.
KATHY: That stuff works.
ME: Yeah I should take that, then I would be really entertaining at work.
CAKE EYES: [walked over to us] Did someone say hydrocodone?
ME: Yes. My finger is super bruised. I'm in extreme pain.
CAKE EYES: I take hydrocodone twice a day.
ME: Egads! Why do you take that much hydrocodone?
CAKE EYES: I have a bunch of rods and metal in my lower back. I can't stand for long.
ME: How did that happen?
CAKE EYES: When I was young I was a cheerleader. I practiced every day and every night. I jumped and I jumped and I tumbled millions of times over and over for years and years. I loved it but it messed up my back.
ME: Did you cheer in college?
CAKE EYES: No, but I did teach elementary school cheerleaders. I loved it.
Customers came along and cut our conversation short. Cake Eyes, cheerleader for life? She does still look like a cheerleader, just old with tons of eye shadow. She wears a khaki skirt and her hair in a ponytail everyday. Cheerleader. After her shift she came through my line with her usual two large bottles of Chardonnay. Chardonnay with hydrocodone. How the hell is she NOT in a coma?
ME: So when were you born?
CAKE EYES: I was born in 1955.
ME: Ah, you were a teen in the 70s. Did you wear bell bottoms?
CAKE EYES: Oh yeah, bell bottoms and flower power! Woo! [I handed her receipt and she walked off]
I was concerned for Cake Eyes but I was also glad that we were getting along better. I'm so glad that drugs and 70s fashion have allowed us to bond.
More New Rules
Roz came up to me to share the new attendance policy with me, which was probably inspired by me.
ROZ: New attendance rule. If you're late 8 times, you get an instant final warning. One more tardy after that? Your employment will be terminated.
ME: 8 times? Sheesh.
ROZ: If this was a rule before now, you would be in trouble.
True. I really should try to make it to work on time. The only fishy thing was, I never heard Roz share this new rule with anyone else. I also didn't have to sign anything indicating that I am aware of the new rule. Maybe they really just wanted me to show up on time and they were sending higher ups to scare me with more strict fake rules. Cute.
A Word of Advice:
Don't joke about cancer with the elderly.
ME: Hi! How is your morning going?
OLD LADY: Lovely! How about yours?
ME: Mine is great too! I got up early and walked the dogs. The weather is so nice before the sun comes up.
OLD LADY: I agree.
ME: It's nice to be outdoors without worrying that I going to get skin cancer. [I laughed]
She stopped talking to me. I felt like an ass. What if she had skin cancer? Her parents? Her friends? Stupid Miranda.
Update: Ryan and Sally Spec
Sally Spec came in with makeup on! She never wears make up. She has the kind of clean pretty face that doesn't need makeup.
ME: Your makeup looks nice!
SALLY: Yeah, Ryan (her boyfriend, our head cashier) has to work a 12 hour shift today. He is so tired already from working so much that I knew he would be in a bad mood, so I decided to look nice. I made his lunch and I baked him cookies.
ME: Girlfriend of the year!
SALLY: Yeah, I like him.
I watched whenever Sally and Ryan were talking by themselves. I saw Ryan smiling at Sally like he thinks she is the best girl ever. They are sweet.
Old Lady #12
An old lady bought groceries from my line and walked off to her car with her cart after checking out. A minute later she ran back in holding a bag of carrots.
OLD LADY: I'm so sorry dear. I almost stole these. Whew!
ME: A dollar of carrots? You crook!
OLD LADY: If ever go to jail, I'm going to go for a real reason.
Richard Gere: Part Three
Copycat went on break and she came through my line to buy some food. Every time Copycat buys things from my register, she greets me the exact same way even if she greeted me the same way three times that day so far.
COPYCAT: Hi. How are you doing today?
ME: You already greeted me that way. Greet me another way.
COPYCAT: Okay. [she thought for a while and nervously laughed] I don't know!
ME: You could say, "Ooh! I like your ring. Where did you get that ring?"
COPYCAT: Ooh! I like your ring. Where did you get that ring?
ME: Target! Can you believe it?
COPYCAT: Wow. I like it.
ME: Do you shop at Target?
COPYCAT: Sometimes I do with my sister.
That's when, behind Copycat's head, I saw Richard Gere walk in with basket in hand. I wanted to vomit. I finished my transaction with Copycat and timed out when exactly this sex addict-cheater-jerk would walk through my line. He is on a juicing diet so it wouldn't take him more than five minutes to gather whatever vegetables he needed. I waited three minutes and then I hid in the front office. Ryan came by.
RYAN: What are you doing?
ME: I'm hiding from someone.
RYAN: Who?
ME: This guy who cheated on one of my friends by soliciting sex to strangers, he is trying find out how my friend is doing through me and the very sight of him makes me want to vomit.
The manager-on-duty, named Jay, walked in.
JAY: What are you doing?
RYAN: She is hiding from someone.
JAY: Do we need to beat someone up?
I considered it.
ME: No. He needs to be paid no attention. I'm going to keep hiding.
I peaked out of the door. Richard Gere was in Crazy Red Head Vegan's line. I'm sure he was charming her in some way. Blech. I continued to hide. A minute later I looked and noticed he had left CRV's line. The coast was clear. I walked out of the office at the same time I noticed Richard Gere walking back to CRV's register. He had forgotten something. "Oh shit!" I thought and I broke into a sprint, running into the kitchen 20 feet to the left. I remained there for several minutes. There was no way Richard Gere would have missed seeing me running away at the sight of him. I might as well have stayed at my register and told him to his face that I don't want to talk to him...but this works too.
Wednesday, January 2, 2013
Day Thirty Four
New Rules
It had been a while since my behavior had inspired new rules to be enforced. As I walked up to my register at the beginning of my shift, Patti stopped me to let me know that there are new rules concerning cell phones at registers. Cell phones used to be allowed in our drawers or in our pockets but lately, employees (meaning me) have been checking texts and browsing the web at the register too much. Patti was so cute, she tried to open the employee manual and show me a highlighted sentence where cell phones are not permitted.
ME: Patti, you really don't have to do that.
PATTI: I was told I had to show everyone that line.
ME: Let's pretend you did.
PATTI: Now they are saying they will give you a written warning if you are caught with your cell phone at a register!
ME: Patti. If they fired me at this point they would be doing me a favor.
Patti laughed and dropped the manual on my register. I'm assuming this rule was enforced by one of the old ladies. Probably O.C.Daisy. Good for her, trying to take this job so seriously. I'll be sure to ruin her efforts.
Old Lady #9
ME: How are you today?
OLD LADY: I'm good as long as it doesn't rain before I get home.
ME: Is it going to rain today?
OLD LADY: My knees say it's going to rain.
ME: Your knees?
OLD LADY: Yes.
ME: It looks sunny outside. Are you sure your knees didn't mean sunny or partly cloudy?
OLD LADY: 100% chance of rain.
It rained that afternoon.
Update: Ryan
Ryan was one of the head cashiers today. He used to be in the army, which is a blessing and a curse. Boot camp and his super disciplined workout regimen gave him one of those fat-less muscle-y bodies that inspires a slack-jawed stare, even in an ugly green t-shirt. The downside to his being in the army is the way he lets everyone out on break. To Ryan, you are on break as soon as he says so. To Ryan, it is your fault if you kill your break time cleaning up your register before you go into the store or the employee's lounge. To Ryan, If you're on a 15 minute break, you start walking back at 13.5 minutes. To Ryan, lunches are 30 minutes and NO LESS. You will be paged if you are a second late.
I like Ryan, I really do. We usually laugh a lot and are pretty chummy but today when he walked over to me mid-sandwich to tell me my break was over, I couldn't help but chew slower, move slower and take a few extra seconds to stretch, slowly. Cashier jobs are hard on the back and even if you make your own lunch or snacks, the breaks never seem long enough. Not all of us have Apollo's belt to help us stand up for eight hours a day. My lunches lately began to seem more and more like 25 minutes and breaks were more like ten, so I made a point of announcing to Ryan what the clock on my phone says before I walk away.
ME: It's 3:40PM and I am going on my break now.
RYAN: It's actually 3:42 and your break started at 3:40.
ME: It's 3:40PM and my body officially went of break as of right now.
RYAN: Two minutes ago.
ME: I'll be back at 3:55, whatever that means to your watch.
When I came back, he said I was a minute late and I told him his watch is fast. Ryan is a hard working, punctual, ultra disciplined 20 year-old in the Army, I get it. I think it's so adorable that he wants to apply these qualities at his job. I'm sure this disciplinary business will get him somewhere someday, but for now I'll be here to patronize him every time he wants to shave a minute off my breaks.
Old Lady and Old Man #10
An elderly couple came into my line. The old man was in a motorized cart.
OLD MAN: Remember me? I was sitting over there watching you eat!
OLD LADY: Stop creeping the girl out.
OLD MAN: I was just waiting for you to finish shopping, she was eating over there where I was waiting. [he looks to me] She takes forever.
OLD LADY: Every time I thought I was done you told me to get something else!
OLD MAN: And you took a long time getting it!
ME: Cut it out kids or I will turn this car around!
They stopped, they laughed and they forgot one more thing, of course.
Credit Debbie
A little girl came into my line with a bunch of candy from the bulk section. After I gave her the total, she handed me a credit card.
ME: Did your mom or dad hand you this credit card to use here?
GIRL: [spoken with snoot] Actually it's MY credit card.
This girl looked no older than eight years old. I couldn't help but think this was a scene from Home Alone. She had a little bit of makeup on and was wearing a black t-shirt with "Lights, Camera, FABULOUS!" written in pink glitter on the front. Interesting. Maybe her parents are letting her play "adult" and putting a little bit of money on a prepaid card. Maybe this kid's parents are well to do and swiping a credit card is the most strenuous activity this girl will have to do until she grows old. Either way, where are this little kid's parents?
It had been a while since my behavior had inspired new rules to be enforced. As I walked up to my register at the beginning of my shift, Patti stopped me to let me know that there are new rules concerning cell phones at registers. Cell phones used to be allowed in our drawers or in our pockets but lately, employees (meaning me) have been checking texts and browsing the web at the register too much. Patti was so cute, she tried to open the employee manual and show me a highlighted sentence where cell phones are not permitted.
ME: Patti, you really don't have to do that.
PATTI: I was told I had to show everyone that line.
ME: Let's pretend you did.
PATTI: Now they are saying they will give you a written warning if you are caught with your cell phone at a register!
ME: Patti. If they fired me at this point they would be doing me a favor.
Patti laughed and dropped the manual on my register. I'm assuming this rule was enforced by one of the old ladies. Probably O.C.Daisy. Good for her, trying to take this job so seriously. I'll be sure to ruin her efforts.
Old Lady #9
ME: How are you today?
OLD LADY: I'm good as long as it doesn't rain before I get home.
ME: Is it going to rain today?
OLD LADY: My knees say it's going to rain.
ME: Your knees?
OLD LADY: Yes.
ME: It looks sunny outside. Are you sure your knees didn't mean sunny or partly cloudy?
OLD LADY: 100% chance of rain.
It rained that afternoon.
Update: Ryan
Ryan was one of the head cashiers today. He used to be in the army, which is a blessing and a curse. Boot camp and his super disciplined workout regimen gave him one of those fat-less muscle-y bodies that inspires a slack-jawed stare, even in an ugly green t-shirt. The downside to his being in the army is the way he lets everyone out on break. To Ryan, you are on break as soon as he says so. To Ryan, it is your fault if you kill your break time cleaning up your register before you go into the store or the employee's lounge. To Ryan, If you're on a 15 minute break, you start walking back at 13.5 minutes. To Ryan, lunches are 30 minutes and NO LESS. You will be paged if you are a second late.
I like Ryan, I really do. We usually laugh a lot and are pretty chummy but today when he walked over to me mid-sandwich to tell me my break was over, I couldn't help but chew slower, move slower and take a few extra seconds to stretch, slowly. Cashier jobs are hard on the back and even if you make your own lunch or snacks, the breaks never seem long enough. Not all of us have Apollo's belt to help us stand up for eight hours a day. My lunches lately began to seem more and more like 25 minutes and breaks were more like ten, so I made a point of announcing to Ryan what the clock on my phone says before I walk away.
ME: It's 3:40PM and I am going on my break now.
RYAN: It's actually 3:42 and your break started at 3:40.
ME: It's 3:40PM and my body officially went of break as of right now.
RYAN: Two minutes ago.
ME: I'll be back at 3:55, whatever that means to your watch.
When I came back, he said I was a minute late and I told him his watch is fast. Ryan is a hard working, punctual, ultra disciplined 20 year-old in the Army, I get it. I think it's so adorable that he wants to apply these qualities at his job. I'm sure this disciplinary business will get him somewhere someday, but for now I'll be here to patronize him every time he wants to shave a minute off my breaks.
Old Lady and Old Man #10
An elderly couple came into my line. The old man was in a motorized cart.
OLD MAN: Remember me? I was sitting over there watching you eat!
OLD LADY: Stop creeping the girl out.
OLD MAN: I was just waiting for you to finish shopping, she was eating over there where I was waiting. [he looks to me] She takes forever.
OLD LADY: Every time I thought I was done you told me to get something else!
OLD MAN: And you took a long time getting it!
ME: Cut it out kids or I will turn this car around!
They stopped, they laughed and they forgot one more thing, of course.
Credit Debbie
A little girl came into my line with a bunch of candy from the bulk section. After I gave her the total, she handed me a credit card.
ME: Did your mom or dad hand you this credit card to use here?
GIRL: [spoken with snoot] Actually it's MY credit card.
This girl looked no older than eight years old. I couldn't help but think this was a scene from Home Alone. She had a little bit of makeup on and was wearing a black t-shirt with "Lights, Camera, FABULOUS!" written in pink glitter on the front. Interesting. Maybe her parents are letting her play "adult" and putting a little bit of money on a prepaid card. Maybe this kid's parents are well to do and swiping a credit card is the most strenuous activity this girl will have to do until she grows old. Either way, where are this little kid's parents?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)