Day Forty Five

Party

I got invited to two parties today. The first invitation was from Klepto Sue for a party on Saturday. She told me that there would be spiked punch and jello shots. I imagined that everyone would be ten years younger than me with no ambitions or intelligent things to say. That's a terrible thing to assume. I told her I couldn't because I had to wake up at 6am the next morning to sing at a church service. The good thing about my not being able to make it is while Klepto Sue is nice to me and we laugh at work, I didn't feel inclined to know her in a greater capacity than being her coworker. I didn't want her to give me a reason to not like her. I felt it was a good decision.

Jacob, one of my favorite gays at the store invited me to another party on Saturday as well. This one I would have definitely attended if it would have started earlier than 11pm. I gave him the same excuse as Klepto Sue. Two party invites. I felt cool and accepted. Then I laughed at myself for having such high school sentiments.

Herb

A guy walked up to my register in baggy clothing and a backwards cap.


GUY: Dude, is this herbal?
ME: That is a honey stick. I'm not sure about herbs but I hear that local honey is good for allergies.

The guy laughed EXACTLY like Butthead.

GUY: Okay, I'll take two. [still laughing]

After I gave him a total of 67 cents he reached into one of his baggy pockets and pulled out a GIANT folded wad of cash. It barely fit in his hand. He flipped through several bills to find a one dollar bill and then handed it to me.

ME: [after handing him his receipt] Have a nice day!
GUY: I will now! [waving the honey sticks in the air]

I'm sure he was stoned, but he was cartoonishly stoned. Gaythan witnessed this with me.

ME: He acted like the actors you see on anti-marijuana commercials before they do something outlandishly uncharacteristic, like run over a little girl on a bike.
GAYTHAN: And the huge wad of cash? What was that all about?
ME: Maybe he is on his way to a strip club.
GAYTHAN: Maybe he is the worst drug dealer ever and he was actually trying to sell you something.
ME:"Herbal" was code for "I have weed"? That would be so confusing in a grocery store.
GAYTHAN: Do dealers even speak in code?
ME: I would imagine they make literal conversation when they meet clients in dark alleys.
GAYTHAN: Yes, because all drugs are purchased in dark alleys.
ME: Maybe our transaction was part of a sting operation and the "dealer" is a rookie cop, unlikely to catch anyone.
GAYTHAN: The possibilities are endless.

Rogue Corn

I was bagging several ears of corn for a male customer when the bag split and all six ears of corn fell to my feet. I'm glad he laughed about it.

MAN: The corn is saying [in a high pitched voice] 'don't eat meeeee!!'

This made me laugh so hard. I immediately pictured six ears of corn with feet running away for fear of their lives. I gave the man his total and continued to laugh.

ME: I'm sorry I have to draw for you what I am seeing in my head.

The woman who was next in line looked unhappy and shook her head.

WOMAN: You know, I don't really have time for this.
ME: Ma'am. I am waiting for this credit card reading to be complete. By drawing this corn, I am not taking any time away from your transaction. I promise.

She shut up and rightly so. It took me no more than 10 seconds to draw the following:

Update: O.C.Daisy

The store was kind of empty. I asked Daisy if I could go use the restroom. She said it was okay so I walked off, leaving Gaythan and Daisy standing at our register. When I came back, Gaythan told me what Daisy said under her breath as I was walking away.


GAYTHAN: She said,  "I'm glad she is leaving cause I'm sick of her attitude."

That BITCH.

That was it. I was officially sick of O.C.Daisy's two-faced bullshit. I walked over to Emmy, the manager on duty. I asked her if we could talk in the office. I explained to her what Daisy said. I explained that Daisy ruins what would otherwise be a pleasant working environment with her shit talking and her fake niceties. She put another coworker of mine in an uncomfortable situation by talking shit about me. I admitted to Emmy that I turned in my two week notice early because I found out that Daisy was promoted.

EMMY: That's so weird. She has always been nice to me.
ME: Of course she has been to you, you're her boss!
EMMY: Maybe she was mad because you did come in here and you learned everything really fast.
ME: I don't care why she hates me. She can hate me all she wants as long as she cooperates in making this a nice place to work. She has failed to do that several times and I have kept my mouth shut about it. I know I'm leaving and that nothing I say matters, but I don't think she has any business being a head cashier because she is an awful person and none of the younger employees respect her!

I got quiet. Emmy acknowledged what I said. She said it might be tough to do anything because Gaythan would have to be the witness and file a report. Gaythan told me he didn't want to be involved in any drama because he has to continue working there, unlike me. I didn't blame him. I didn't expect that Emmy would say anything to the other managers. I decided I would talk to Grumpy Gill the next day I work. He is the man in charge after all. It may get nothing accomplished but I will speak my mind. I am no longer going to give O.C.Daisy the benefit of the doubt.