The Epi-Prologue

Epilogue

I did what I said I would do. I added many of last summer's fellow cashiers to my Facebook. I was dying to find out where everyone was and who was doing what. None of them ever knew about the blog except for one person.

Hero

Hero quit shortly after I did. I found out that he recruited a lot of private trombone students. I shared the blog with him because he is family, a fellow brass player. He knew something fishy was going on when he noticed me writing down interaction after interaction on a strip of receipt paper.

I gave him the URL. He told me that he looks forward to finding out who he is. He may not have read it all because......

Hero had a baby with his wife!! He is a proud papa. The baby is really cute too. I'm so happy for him.

Banshee

The last time I saw Banshee she had been through a horrible ordeal. I remembered that she was pretty miserable working as a head cashier. She was basically forced to step down from the position. She eventually left. She now works for Gamestop and Einstein Bros. Bagels. She is also back in school. Life is apparently going much easier for her. She said that her lack of stress helped her to quit smoking.

Jacob

Jacob left and became a flight attendant for American Airlines. He regularly posts photos of himself in different beautiful locations. He looks pretty happy and he's still really freaking handsome. I lament his gayness.

Sally Spec  & Ryan

I think these two are still together. They are both still working at the store. Ryan moved from head cashier to grocery so he could focus on school, I think. I know Sally is thinking of leaving soon. She told me all of the cool people left and the angry old ladies were still keeping things dark on the front end. It has turned into a high school and all people do is gossip. I can understand her wanting to leave.

Gaythan

Gaythan moved back to Virginia. I imagine he is a manager at a Food Lion somewhere. I only guess that because all of his grocery anecdotes began with, "When I was an assistant manager at Food Lion..." He wasn't happy here. I imagine he moved back to VA with his boyfriend. I hope he has had more than one slow dance since last August.


JV

The know-it-all, JV, is now a head cashier. I'm not surprised. I didn't add him on Facebook. I'm not curious about what he thinks about anything. Maybe I'll add him after this summer if he has learned to chill out.


Copycat

Copycat still works at this store. She is still as awkward as I expected her to be BUT she is happy and she is finding new and interesting ways to talk to people. I think that is pretty cool. I hope people are being kind to her.

Crazy Red Head Vegan

CRV dyed her hair BLUE and joined a nutrition business in town. She schedules her own hours and seems to be doing well. She posts a different but similar photo of her boot camp group every week. She speaks bitterly about her former cashier job and I imagine she is still crazy.


Prologue 

Nine months of trumpet teaching at a university and choral directing at a church, a totaled car, and many a bill for student loans later here I am, seeking employment for the summer. I debated putting in applications in many different places but at the same time I couldn't get my last conversation with Emmy out of my head.

EMMY: Good luck with your new job! We want you to know that for whatever reason if you want to come back you are 100% rehireable!
ME: How is that possible?
EMMY: We like you!

If this was true, if I was eligible for rehire, I could very easily be employed right away. I checked the store's website. There were no cashier positions available. I went ahead and gave Emmy a call. After I inquired about being rehired, her reply was:

EMMY: OH MY GOD YES WE'LL HIRE YOU!!

I'm pretty tickled that they hired me even though they don't need me. Another bonus? I could continue this blog! Since last summer, I have been desperately seeking something to write about. I started many other blogs, but no subject has been as fun as American people and how they treat others.

What If Nothing Happens?

I asked myself this many times. Maybe nothing new goes down. Maybe my coworkers are all gossip queens that I will be too annoyed with to write about. Maybe my customer interactions will all be boring and uneventful. Maybe I would just work this summer job and forget about blogging.

Then this happens on my first visit back to the store:

Update: O.C. Daisy

I almost didn't acknowledge her when I walked in but it was too late. She looked at me and she knew I saw her so I waved politely.  

DAISY: Heyyyy Darlin'! I was so happy to hear that you're coming back!
ME: Aww! I'm happy to BE back!

Ugggggggh.

Why the saccharine exchange? Why do you have to lie Daisy? We ended things peacefully last August yet I can't help but think that the minute I walk out the door, she is going to talk shit about me. Daisy is officially on social probation. I would be stupid to think she is a nice person now, but I also do hope that she is actually nice. I'm prepared for the worst here. Damn my optimism.

Daisy pointed me to the office and she said she would page management to meet me there.


Update: Grumpy Gill

Gill walks in the office to say hi. His greeting was warm, cheerful and not grumpy at all! He told me the store is busier than it has ever been. Maybe that's why he is a happy manager. He said it gets pretty crazy. I am pretty excited about that. Never a dull moment. I only worry that I will not be able to jot down notes like I used to. I do have a handheld digital voice recorder. I may need to bust that out and take notes down Captain Kirk style.  

Update: Roz

I was to meet Roz for filling out paperwork. She asked if I was going to just be in for the summer. I plan to leave after summer if I can get a private studio going in addition to teaching at the university and working at t he church. I do need to buy a new car. I honestly don't know what the hell I am going to do. I shared with Roz how I also have to take care of a house and two dogs. At the mention of dogs, she lit up.

ROZ: Oh I LOVE dogs.  They are so sweet and the love unconditionally.
ME: Right? There is nothing they want more in this world, than to be pet on the head.

She asked me what kind of dogs I have. I gladly shared this information.

ROZ: You know, if I could do it all over again, I would have NO children.

Wow. Hold on.

ME: [nervous laughter] Are your children aware of this?
ROZ: They aren't aware of much.

Roz just cursed her children's existence. This is gold. She walked out to get me two new ugly green t-shirts. While she was gone, I grabbed the nearest blank sheet of paper to jot down what I had just heard. Roz came back and I had to go through the signing of papers, one after the other. She emphatically threw down the attendance and the tardiness policy agreement. She laughed, I laughed. She said the attendance policy is new, a point system (NOT new). If I am late 9 times, my employment will be terminated. I laughed again. I did tell her that I planned to be punctual this summer.

That remains to be seen.

Day Fifty

Last day. Why should things be any different?

Cool Mom #1

A woman rolled up to my register with five kids. I wasn't sure if they were her adopted kids or if some of them were her kids' friends. They looked like a United Colors of Benetton ad. The mom began to hand me an endless amount of things for me to put back on the shelves.

MOM: I let the kids pick whatever they want off the shelves. I love seeing them enjoy grocery shopping.

Aren't you the coolest mom ever? There are other ways of seeing that your kid enjoy grocery shopping. It doesn't have to involve making the cashiers do more work than necessary. Any ignorant d-bag may think, "Well, they get paid to put these things back," and this person would be an ignorant d-bag.

Facebook

Oy, Facebook adds. I took out a strip of receipt paper to write down the full names of the people I liked at this store. I figured that at some point I would take this grocery blog down and "friend" these people. I decided I would keep this paper safe. I really did want to know how these people were doing later on, not just for the purposes of being friends but to also write an epilogue.

Cool Mom #2

A little girl picked a lollipop out of the container in front of my register as her mom unloaded the grocery cart. The mom saw her and didn't give her kid a chance to ask for it.

MOM: Put it back.
GIRL: [whining a little] But I want it.
MOM:  [taking the pop and putting it back in the container] There are a lot of things I want too. Doesn't mean I'm gonna get it.

Hold the phone. That was a strange choice of words. It almost seemed like the mom was projecting what was probably her own sad life on to her daughter. The kid tried to grab a lollipop again, but her mom gripped her daughter's wrist, pulling her away from the container.

MOM: Stop it right now. I will spank you right here in front of everyone.

I wanted so badly to give this kid a free lollipop but I knew her mom would get mad. The girl sneezed. The mom said nothing, she was clearly still mad at her daughter. She didn't show concern, concern is apparently for the weak. The girl sneezed again and rubbed her nose. The mom said nothing again so I leaned over to the girl.

ME: [whispered] Bless you.

The little girl smiled.

Update: Gaythan

I had this theme from the movie "Up" stuck in my head.

My brass quintet had recently played this theme for an Alzheimer's clinic and it had not left my mind. I couldn't stop singing it at my register. When the lines were empty, I turned around and began to dance a waltz with Gaythan. We waltzed until a female customer came along. She smiled at us and we all laughed. After this customer left Gaythan turned to me.

GAYTHAN: I have never slow danced with anyone before. You are the first person I have ever slow danced with. Thank you.

It technically wasn't a slow dance, it was a waltz, but I'm sure that it was the closest thing to a slow dance Gaythan has ever had. I am pretty sure he knew he was gay shortly after birth. He probably didn't go to a high school where it was okay for boys to dance together at the prom. My heart melted.

ME: It was my honor. [I courtesied]


Buffalo Man

A man and his elderly father came through my line with a lot of produce. I grabbed a green bell pepper and I was about to enter the PLU code when the man became startled.

MAN: That's a pepper.
ME: I got it. [I smiled at him]

MAN: You'll have to forgive me. I'm jumpy. You can thank my horrible mother for that.

Damn. Horrible mother?

MAN: That woman put me and my brother and my dad through the worst time. Makes hell look like rest and relaxation. I used to like grapes but children stomp on them and treat the fruit with such disregard.

The father asked me to put the grapes at the top of the bag. He understood what his son was trying to say. This was no ordinary rant. The son had brain damage. I smiled at whatever the son said and tried often to steer the conversation in a more positive direction. He talked like Snaggle Puss which made it entertaining for me. He talked about how he was a miracle child because he was born in his parents' 40s.

ME: You are indeed a miracle child.
DAD: [looking at my name tag] Miranda. You have a pretty name.
SON: You have a pretty smile.

I wished them a nice day. I admired that father for taking care of his son. I hoped that everyone they meet would treat them well. People need to be treated with care.

All people.

Goodbye

It had been a while since I got to work in a register next to Hero, whose stolen sandwich launched the stingwich operation. It was poetic that he and I would be closing the store together, he was my favorite coworker. I had to explain to him too that I couldn't add him on Facebook yet, but that I would eventually. He asked me if I would eventually tell him why I couldn't add him right away. I told him I would explain. I trusted him more than my other coworkers to keep this blog a secret, but I didn't want to share it with him until it was done.

I bought dark chocolate covered almonds for the remaining cashiers and Banshee.  The store was pretty dead so we all chatted away. Banshee had educated me on "Dudism". A religion has apparently been built based on The Dude from "The Big Lebowski". Banshee told me that her husband is a Dudist priest. He marries people off in a bathrobe.

When the time came, I got goodbye hugs from Copycat and Gaythan. Hero and I chatted during downtimes to the end of our shift. I told him about how I got O.C.Daisy written up. He told me that Elvira had also been talking about me behind my back too.

HERO: She said, "Why would she get a job she hates? Why go through all the paperwork?"

When the hell did I say I hate this job? She hinted at my inconveniencing the management. There is no chain grocery store job  that doesn't have a turnover rate after summer...Elvira. Other than O.C.Daisy there was no one else at the store to whom I gave as much of the benefit of the doubt. She had nothing to gain from being so grumpy and bitchy to me. Part of me wanted to bake her a yellow cake and write "Cheer the fuck up" on it.

It was time to close. Hero let me walk out of the store first. I went into the office with Banshee to count down my till. I got her full name so I could add her on Facebook.

BANSHEE: I'm sad that you're leaving. All of the cool people are leaving! [Crazy Red Head Vegan] left, (Heartless) Lucy left and now you're leaving!

I was going to miss Banshee too. I was glad to see that she was going to be okay. After counting down my till, I stopped by to say goodbye to Emmy.

EMMY: Good luck with your new job! We want you to know that for whatever reason if you want to come back you are 100% rehireable!
ME: How is that possible?
EMMY: We like you!
ME: I like you guys too! Thanks!

I could not believe that I was rehireable. I was late enough times to be fired three times over. I'm glad my personality made up for that. I have never heard of a place this lenient. I gave Emmy a hug and then I walked up to a register 7 and 8 and picked up the phone to make the closing announcement before I walked out.

            Good evening customers. The time is 10PM and our store is now closed. Please make your final selections and bring them up to the front so you may be checked out. Our store opens tomorrow at 7AM. We hope to see you again and as always, thank you for shopping at...

Day Forty Nine

Update: The Infamous Patti

I came to work with a container full of organic cherry tomatoes from my garden. I brought them for Patti because I told her I would bring her some before my last day. I found out that she went to the hospital last night because there was something wrong with her pancreas. She would be released from the hospital today but would have to stay home for a few days. I was glad Patti was okay but I was a little sad that I didn't get to give her a proper goodbye.

Update: Cake Eyes & Klepto Sue

Cake Eyes worked in the register next to me for the first two hours of my shift. She didn't say a word to me the entire time. I didn't care. I was happy to see her replaced by Klepto Sue. Sue is more fun to talk to. I asked Sue if she would like to try the cherry tomatoes that I brought. She scooped up half the harvest into her hands and put them in her lunch bag.

SUE: Thank you!

This was my fault. I should have said, "Would you like to try ONE?" That last time I was this unclear, three trick-or-treaters took out 2/3 of the candy bowl on Halloween.

I noticed that Sue has become comfortable with some of the female cashiers. We could tell because she has begun to bump hips with all of us. Also, for whatever reason, she was slapping everyone on the butt today. I guess some people do it as a sign of comradery or affirmation like in the NBA, but I didn't care for it. I stood sideways so that I could keep Sue in my peripheral and avoid any hand-to-butt contact.

Brat

A man walked up followed by his daughter who had her hands cupped together. He turned around and looked at his daughter, puzzled.

MAN: What's that in your hand?
GIRL: Daddy, it's just a little bit.
MAN: We are not getting that.
GIRL: Yes we are. [she walked in front of her dad and placed a little bag of chocolate covered nuts on the belt]

MAN: [In an angry whisper] You pick those up right now and put them back!

I thought I saw fire come out of his eyes. This was a teaching moment that I didn't want to interrupt. The little girl pushed her father aside, grunted, and stomped back to the bulk section. Thankfully she didn't actually empty the chocolate back into the bin, she just placed the bag nearby. She walked over to the door and stood fuming with crossed arms. The dad apologized to me. I thought nothing of it. I have seen some parents publicly spank their kids into submission. It seemed that he would correct the situation at home instead of in a public place. Smart man.

Update: Elvira

I was walking back from taking a break when I found out I would be working next to Elvira. I took my till to my register.

ME: Hello!
ELVIRA: Ugh, you? You give me a headache.
ME: Likewise.
ELVIRA: You talk too much.

At first I thought she was joking. Then it didn't seem so. There was only one thing to do...be annoyingly talkative with other people around Elvira at a higher than normal volume level.

Ew...

A mom and her young daughter walked up to my line. This girl looked like Punky Brewster, freckles, pigtails and colorful clothes. The girl fixed her eyes upon the organic lollipop container.

GIRL: Mom! Can I have one of these! It says they're free!
ME & MOM: No they're not. [in unison]
GIRL: It says something free!

I laughed.

ME: It says that the lollipops are gluten-free.
GIRL: [her eyes widened] Gluten?! Ew...
MOM: Honey, gluten is in everything you eat.

The misinformed girl's face turned disgusted and mistrusting. "Gluten" does sound like it could be something gross. I offered her a free lollipop for the laugh.

GIRL: I'll pass. [she dramatically waved her hand in rejection]

Update: Banshee

Banshee stood at the end of my register to help bag groceries.

BANSHEE: Hey there.
ME: Hey. How are you?
BANSHEE: You know, I feel better today than I have in a while.

She told me all about what happened. She did have an IUD. Somehow she got pregnant and with what was essentially half of a baby. She recounted the graphic details of what happened. Doctors couldn't figure out what happened. It was a painful ordeal to bring her back to health and she was still stumped as to what happened. We didn't talk about it long.

I noticed her tattoo on her arm. It was the insignia from Star Trek.

ME: Are you a Trekkie?
BANSHEE: Very much so.

She told me about how she met Patrick Stewart at Comic Con and how she burst into tears at the sight of him. She grew up watching Star Trek with her dad. It was how they connected. When she watches the show she thinks of her father.

We eventually talked about what she missed while she was gone. I told her that her "No Shit Talking Rule" had done a bunk since O.C.Daisy was likely to get away with talking shit about me.

BANSHEE: Oh, so that's why she got a write-up.
ME: What?
BANSHEE: Daisy got a write-up.
ME: No fucking way. The system works?
BANSHEE: Yup, and head cashiers only get a first and final warning. Then after that you're fired.

Wow.

I couldn't believe that anything I said made any difference at all. I was really proud of my managers for hearing me out.

There goes my peace with Daisy.

Day Forty Eight

Hot Commodity

One of the worst first world problems you can have in Texas is having the A/C in your car break down in the summer. Add to that the fact that my car has a black leather interior (I bought the car in the winter, it was a great idea then). The temperature was above 100 degrees outside, a sweltering heat that my car welcomed in with open...doors. After 30 minutes of driving I was drenched in sweat. I walked in the office and asked my manager if I could buy another ugly green t-shirt. Grumpy Gill gave me one for free. That was very nice of him. Before changing I stepped into the walk-in freezer and remained there for six minutes to dry off. Then I clocked in, on time.

[hold for applause]

Update: Banshee

Banshee came back to work today. Her stomach was flat and she looked more like when I first met her. It was so sad to see. I didn't want to bother her about what happened. I figured if she wanted to talk about it, she would.

As my shift went on, I found that Banshee would walk by me just as I would say the absolute WRONG thing to a customer.

EXAMPLE NO. 1

A little boy strolled up to my line in the grocery cart his mom was pushing. He would hand me items and I would scan them. I tried to scan something that required a code and my register all but screamed at me.

ME: Bugger!
BOY: Buggaahhhh!

He was at that age where you have to be extremely careful about what you say. The mom laughed. We gabbed about babies and I told the woman that I wasn't allowed to buy anything baby-related for a month because I kept wanting to buy all of Target's baby section.

WOMAN: Why?
ME: My nephew will be born in a month. I can't stop buying every cute thing I see.
WOMAN: That's what nephews do to aunties.
ME: He's not even born yet and I'm a shopaholic.

...and Banshee walks by. Damn it.

EXAMPLE NO. 2

A male customer walked up to my register.

ME: How are you doing today?
MAN: [grumbles irritatedly]
ME: Okay, bad day...Forget I asked! Abort!

...and Banshee walks by. Damn it. I'm such an ass.

She-Wolf

A girl came into my line with a face fully painted like a wolf. She growled and pretended to chew on all of the grocery items her mom put on my belt. I noticed that she picked up carrots.

ME: I have never heard of a wolf that like carrots.
MOM: This wolf is a vegetarian.
GIRL: [still speaking like a growling wolf] I'm gonna eat these carrots like Bugs Bunny!

Although unrelated to her looking like a wolf, I was elated that she even knows who Bugs Bunny is. That meant so many things, the best of which being that she is being exposed to some classical music! Wagner! Rossini! Mozart!

ME: Good wolf. Watch all the Bugs Bunny you can, especially the older ones. Okay?
GIRL: Rowr!!
ME: Is that a yes?

Snob Daughter

I was honestly not paying much attention to this customer because she was plainly cordial like many of the customers I don't write about. This was until her daughter walked up wanting to buy something.


GIRL: Can I get this?
MOM: No.
GIRL: Are you serious? You are getting all of this other junk food but you will not spare $1.79 for a bag of seaweed chips?
MOM: [no response]
GIRL: Hello?!
MOM:[no response]

It was all I could do to not give that mom a high five right there. Again, once upon a time, I was that snotty daughter disrespectfully requesting food items from my mom at checkout. My mom was her mom. My mom did the right thing as this mom did. I have to make a point of calling my mom to thank her for saying, "No." Hopefully that daughter will thank her mom one day too.

New Blood

Two new cashiers were in training. This store is ready for me to go! I went over to bag groceries for one of them. The cashier I was helping scanned a few items for a customer, then stopped every once in a while to find PLU codes. When she couldn't find a code she asked me for help. I then found myself giving her code after code without her asking for help, like a nervous tick I couldn't get rid of. I had to stop myself!


ME: I'm so sorry. It is easier for you to memorize codes  by looking them up over and over, so I'm going to shut up now.
CASHIER: [laughs] Thanks.

Ugh. I'm glad that I remembered that what seems helpful isn't helpful at all in this situation. The two new girls are nice. I forgot their names already. If they do anything of note in my last two days, they will at least get a nickname.

Old Man #13

An old man was about to walk into Klepto Sue's line when he saw that my line was empty. Sue was finishing up with a customer.


OLD MAN: [walking over to me] I'm going to go to the friendliest cashier here!
ME: How do you know I am friendly?
OLD MAN: Because you talk to me. You ask me questions.
ME: Oh! So how is your day going?
OLD MAN: That's the kind of thing you say!

Day Forty Seven

Update: Banshee & O.C.Daisy

Banshee had been missing for a few days now. All I heard was that her husband called in for her. When I got to work, I walked into the office to get a till from O.C.Daisy. I didn't have the heart to be so cold toward her anymore. I decided to make small talk.

ME: Taking over for [Banshee] again?
DAISY: Yep, for several days now.
ME: Man, she must really be sick.
DAISY: She wasn't sick. She had a miscarriage.

My heart fell into my stomach. I watched Banshee look more and more pregnant over the last two months. I was told she wasn't pregnant. She said she wasn't pregnant.

DAISY: She had an IUD on so she didn't understand what was going on. Her doctor said she had an infection from her previous child's birth. He gave her medicine for it, to CLEANSE her. She was pregnant. He didn't even do a pregnancy test.

My heart dropped to the floor. What school did this doctor come from? I was angry and sad.

DAISY: I called her to see how she is doing. I know all about miscarriages. I was diagnosed with ovarian cancer at 28. It's a miracle that I had my two kids in my early twenties. I should have had ten. I know exactly how [Banshee] is feeling.
ME: Oh my god. You're a survivor.
DAISY: Yes. It was hard to swallow that kind of news at that age. I'm grateful to be alive.
ME: I'm glad you were there for [Banshee].
DAISY: Yeah, I may try and visit her after work.


I didn't feel like writing about my customers and coworkers today. I kept my thoughts with Banshee and her family. Daisy and I were cordial all day. I decided to be nice to her from now on. She accidentally spilled an open bottle near my feet while we were talking. She apologized profusely and ran off to get cleaning materials. I cleaned up the mess myself quickly so she didn't have to do anything by the time she came back. I assured her that it was okay and she said, "Thank you." before apologizing one last time. She helped me out a lot today with my customers and we laughed together when funny things happened.
 
Tragedy. It causes us to drop all of the ridiculous things that we think divides us. It unites us and makes us dwell on what is important. I hate that that is what it takes. I couldn't empathize but I could sympathize. I felt that I somehow understood Daisy a little better.

Day Forty Six

Update: O.C.Daisy

I had a 12PM-8PM shift. It's an interesting shift to work because you are with all of the people who worked the early morning shifts. They are exhausted and they are counting the hours until they leave. The rest of your shift involves the exit of the tired morning people and the entrance of the well rested people who have afternoon shifts.

Today's A.M. crew included Mad Kathy, Cake Eyes, Klepto Sue and Elvira. Cake Eyes was the first person to go home. She went home with her usual giant bottles of chardonnay. Klepto Sue came to help bag groceries at the end of my register whenever it was slow. She is always good for conversation. Mad Kathy was tired and didn't talk a whole ton. I ignored Elvira, as I planned to for the rest of my time at the store. Being nice to her, like being nice to O.C.Daisy, was a waste of energy.

O.C.Daisy was the head cashier taking over for Banshee. Apparently Banshee had been gone for a few days and head cashiers have been taking over for her. She did look more pale than usual the last time I saw her. I hoped she was okay. O.C.Daisy walked up to the end of my register to help bag groceries.

DAISY: How are you doing?

I didn't respond. I was done hoping that Daisy would reveal a nicer version of herself. Mad Kathy asked me how I was doing. I told her I found out that my battery had died. Daisy was listening to our conversation.

DAISY: Awwww!
ME: [verbally snapped] Don't act like you're concerned.
DAISY: What?

I hated myself for being mean. I have nothing to gain from being so pissed off at OCD. Being angry never hurts the the one you're angry at as much as it hurts you. Who said that? The Dalai Lama? Damn you and all your truth, Dalai. I needed to get this off my chest so I went straight to Grumpy Gill's office.

ME: Gill, I'm sure you're busy, but if you have a moment today may we talk?
GILL: We can talk now, come on in.

I was nervous. What does the shitty, late-all-of-the-time employee say to convince the general manager that a head cashier needs correcting?

ME: Before I say anything I would like to say that I am aware that I am not always the best employee. I am am totally aware of that. I am also aware that I am leaving and that nothing I say is going to really matter but I feel that I need to say something.
GILL: I actually think you're a great employee.
ME: Really? (Seriously, what?)
GILL: Yeah! I have seen you interact with your customers. You are great with them. I couldn't ask for more.
ME: I'm not a model cashier.
GILL: Sure, there are things to work on, but you know. What did you want to say?

I had to stop being shocked at his assessment of me so I could tell him why I was there. I told him about how Daisy talked about me behind my back to Gaythan. He said Emmy had let him know what happened (Yes. Good job Emmy.) He told me that the managers would address the problem. It wasn't about me anymore. I didn't want any of my coworkers to hate this job because they had a mean, two-faced head cashier, talking shit about people to their friends and making the working environment unpleasant. I didn't mention how fake she seems, how bad her hair looks or how toothless people have no business insulting others. I thanked Gill for listening to me. I told him how much I appreciated working at this store all summer.

GILL: I knew you had to go. You are highly over-qualified for this job, we get that. We were glad to have you.
ME: It isn't about qualifications. This is a great job for people who have the capacity to enjoy it. I'm glad I got to work for a team of managers that like the company they work for. It made this job more fun to do.
GILL: Thank you.
ME: I loved the customers. I love people. I like to write a lot and I wrote a lot of my customer interactions down in prose.
GILL: Really? I would love to read that.
ME: Sure! I will send you some excerpts.

I really will send him a few excerpts. I think I will be leaving out the ones where he is called Grumpy Gill, and anything about the stingwich. I think I will just send him entries about the kids and the old people.

Day Forty Five

Party

I got invited to two parties today. The first invitation was from Klepto Sue for a party on Saturday. She told me that there would be spiked punch and jello shots. I imagined that everyone would be ten years younger than me with no ambitions or intelligent things to say. That's a terrible thing to assume. I told her I couldn't because I had to wake up at 6am the next morning to sing at a church service. The good thing about my not being able to make it is while Klepto Sue is nice to me and we laugh at work, I didn't feel inclined to know her in a greater capacity than being her coworker. I didn't want her to give me a reason to not like her. I felt it was a good decision.

Jacob, one of my favorite gays at the store invited me to another party on Saturday as well. This one I would have definitely attended if it would have started earlier than 11pm. I gave him the same excuse as Klepto Sue. Two party invites. I felt cool and accepted. Then I laughed at myself for having such high school sentiments.

Herb

A guy walked up to my register in baggy clothing and a backwards cap.


GUY: Dude, is this herbal?
ME: That is a honey stick. I'm not sure about herbs but I hear that local honey is good for allergies.

The guy laughed EXACTLY like Butthead.

GUY: Okay, I'll take two. [still laughing]

After I gave him a total of 67 cents he reached into one of his baggy pockets and pulled out a GIANT folded wad of cash. It barely fit in his hand. He flipped through several bills to find a one dollar bill and then handed it to me.

ME: [after handing him his receipt] Have a nice day!
GUY: I will now! [waving the honey sticks in the air]

I'm sure he was stoned, but he was cartoonishly stoned. Gaythan witnessed this with me.

ME: He acted like the actors you see on anti-marijuana commercials before they do something outlandishly uncharacteristic, like run over a little girl on a bike.
GAYTHAN: And the huge wad of cash? What was that all about?
ME: Maybe he is on his way to a strip club.
GAYTHAN: Maybe he is the worst drug dealer ever and he was actually trying to sell you something.
ME:"Herbal" was code for "I have weed"? That would be so confusing in a grocery store.
GAYTHAN: Do dealers even speak in code?
ME: I would imagine they make literal conversation when they meet clients in dark alleys.
GAYTHAN: Yes, because all drugs are purchased in dark alleys.
ME: Maybe our transaction was part of a sting operation and the "dealer" is a rookie cop, unlikely to catch anyone.
GAYTHAN: The possibilities are endless.

Rogue Corn

I was bagging several ears of corn for a male customer when the bag split and all six ears of corn fell to my feet. I'm glad he laughed about it.

MAN: The corn is saying [in a high pitched voice] 'don't eat meeeee!!'

This made me laugh so hard. I immediately pictured six ears of corn with feet running away for fear of their lives. I gave the man his total and continued to laugh.

ME: I'm sorry I have to draw for you what I am seeing in my head.

The woman who was next in line looked unhappy and shook her head.

WOMAN: You know, I don't really have time for this.
ME: Ma'am. I am waiting for this credit card reading to be complete. By drawing this corn, I am not taking any time away from your transaction. I promise.

She shut up and rightly so. It took me no more than 10 seconds to draw the following:

Update: O.C.Daisy

The store was kind of empty. I asked Daisy if I could go use the restroom. She said it was okay so I walked off, leaving Gaythan and Daisy standing at our register. When I came back, Gaythan told me what Daisy said under her breath as I was walking away.


GAYTHAN: She said,  "I'm glad she is leaving cause I'm sick of her attitude."

That BITCH.

That was it. I was officially sick of O.C.Daisy's two-faced bullshit. I walked over to Emmy, the manager on duty. I asked her if we could talk in the office. I explained to her what Daisy said. I explained that Daisy ruins what would otherwise be a pleasant working environment with her shit talking and her fake niceties. She put another coworker of mine in an uncomfortable situation by talking shit about me. I admitted to Emmy that I turned in my two week notice early because I found out that Daisy was promoted.

EMMY: That's so weird. She has always been nice to me.
ME: Of course she has been to you, you're her boss!
EMMY: Maybe she was mad because you did come in here and you learned everything really fast.
ME: I don't care why she hates me. She can hate me all she wants as long as she cooperates in making this a nice place to work. She has failed to do that several times and I have kept my mouth shut about it. I know I'm leaving and that nothing I say matters, but I don't think she has any business being a head cashier because she is an awful person and none of the younger employees respect her!

I got quiet. Emmy acknowledged what I said. She said it might be tough to do anything because Gaythan would have to be the witness and file a report. Gaythan told me he didn't want to be involved in any drama because he has to continue working there, unlike me. I didn't blame him. I didn't expect that Emmy would say anything to the other managers. I decided I would talk to Grumpy Gill the next day I work. He is the man in charge after all. It may get nothing accomplished but I will speak my mind. I am no longer going to give O.C.Daisy the benefit of the doubt.